my husband told me he wants to leave me after 20 years of marriage.he has a lot of issues with to many things to write about, but we have been together more than half of my life, and im scared to be alone... he wont go to counseling.
2006-06-19 15:08:26 · 9 answers · asked by lalalalaura 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Not sure if I am the right person to answer this question, but if he doesn't want to try anything to work out the relationship, then there is nothing more you can do. My mom went through the same thing and nowadays she is a brand new woman. Ofcourse she was depressed for years, until she decided to get out and find herself! She loves life now. No man or issues to hold her down. She dates (which I'm sure you're not ready for yet) but she has also made many more girlfriends, rides a motorcycle and generally has more fun than anybody I've ever seen.
Use this as an opportunity to break free from what was holding you down: want to please him, want to be with him, want to do for him.
Time to please you! Find yourself. Be a proud woman!
You don't need a man to hold you down. Get reacquainted with that inner child you left behind long ago.
God bless.
2006-06-19 15:15:40 · answer #1 · answered by Lenore 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just to add to the other replies, as they are all very good, I would not only go to counseling but biblical counseling for yourself. Not going to counseling on his end, means that he is not willing to work it out. It is such a small thing to ask for 20 years, and if he is not willing to do so, then you just need to tell yourself that you can not control people.
Sometimes God has a reason for letting you be with someone for 20 years. My mother just met a Man not to long ago. He just got out of a 30 year marriage. They are the same age and are now dating. I have not seen my Mom (who has been single for a LONG time) so happy in so long.
It is very scary to be alone, but what you dont realize is there are many different kinds of loneliness. About 85% of people you see every day have been lonely in one form or another in the past 6 months. My guess is that you have been lonely for far longer than 6 months. So, put one foot in front of the other one day at a time. I can preach this, because I just got over an intense lonely phase of my life.
If I can give you one thing that you will latch on to it is this....
You do not even know if you will make it to eat dinner tomorrow night, so why worry about the burden of tomorrow? One second, one minute, one hour, and one day at a time.
You will soon turn too much free time into no free time at all. This I know.
God Bless.
2006-06-19 22:31:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Laura, you are not giving yourself enough credit. It's scary to be alone (I know...my husband walked out and left me a note three weeks ago!), but it's survivable!!! I can only tell you what I have done. I stay VERY BUSY. I make sure I'm busy from the time I get up until my head hits the pillow. I make a list every day. I also started walking and exercising. I've made new friends and I've lost weight and I actually feel good about myself. I also am seeing a therapist. It's hard, God KNOWS it's hard. And I do get lonely, but what can you do but go on with your life. You can do it too. Find the strength in yourself just like I did. If you need someone to talk to feel free to e-mail me (carolscreaton@yahoo.com). YOU CAN DO IT.
2006-06-19 22:16:59 · answer #3 · answered by carolscreation 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't make a person stay if they don't want to. You should go to counseling by yourself because you're going through a big life change. To find out who you are now after being in a committed relationship is going to be a biggie and you're going to need help getting through this. Give yourself time and be patient the new you is going to be so worth it. Good luck
2006-06-19 22:15:55 · answer #4 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You go to counseling then and learn to love and accept him where he is at. Try to work on the marriage but if you want out get out and leave. What are some of the issues here. Has he cheated on you and been unfaithful and has he been abusive in any way? If he wants out let him go and move on with your life.
2006-06-19 22:19:30 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be scared. When I got divorced I was the same way. But now I am a much stronger person because I know I can rely on myself, and you can, too. Believe in yourself. You will be happier without a guy who won't even try counseling.
2006-06-19 22:12:08 · answer #6 · answered by Stella Blue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got married two weeks after I turned twenty. I was married for 22 years. I got divorced last October. In the beginning you just have to take it one day at a time. You are stronger than you think you are. You can do this!
2006-06-20 00:32:06 · answer #7 · answered by lavenderroseford 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why stick with someonne who does not want you. He wants out, let him go. Taqke the attitude that it is his loss not yours. Have some faith in yourself and look at being alone as an exsciting newb adventure. There are plenty of people out in this big old world that will want to keep you compaqny so that you are not alone. Taqke your time and find the right one.
2006-06-19 22:14:18 · answer #8 · answered by angryspiderbites 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it will be difficult and at moments very emotional for you,but things do happen for a reason take this as a good thing for you and him,be happy at this as it is going to give you the freedom to enjoy your self and do things you would like to do now,you can rediscover your self,start taking up classes in things you like go shopping trips meet new people and go out with freinds if not meet new friends,it is going to be refreshing for you and you will perhaps meet your one true soal mate in life
2006-06-20 00:30:42 · answer #9 · answered by treatau 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋