advice needed?

Question

My daughter is 23 years old and she has one son who is 8 months old and she is already expecting a new baby . Any advice I can give her so she will take birth control and not have any more babies any time soon after her 2nd. She is not married but she does have a boyfriend at this time. They have not said anything about getting married. They are living together right now. But the first babies daddy does not have anything to do with her first baby. I am just worried she is going to have kids like doorsteps.

Answer 1

If your daughter and you are close and have great communication, why not ask her if she has given any thought to what birth control she will use after the new baby arrives? Maybe she wasn't aware of how fast she could conceive after giving birth or she wanted a baby with her current boyfriend. It is hard to know where her mind was at unless you've had a chat. I think when she realizes how much work two that close together are, she won't want another child right away! Usually,having a chat up front and honest is the way to go.

Answer 2

Tread lightly---remember, she is a tired mom of an 8-month old, and experiencing the hormonal fluctuations of pregnancy!!
Feel it out. Did she plan this? If she did, ask her what her motives were. Some mothers feel that siblings should be close in age. If she didn't plan this, then chances are she isn't planning more, and she might welcome the conversation about different choices on birth control.
You might want to wait, though, to have the birth control conversation, or to voice your personal opinion on more kids. Let's face it, she can't get pregnant again while she's pregnant. She may be feeling panicked about having two babies at once, even if she hasn't said so, and she might misinterpret your concern for disapproval or rejection if you discuss it during her pregnancy. What's done is done. You obviously love your daughter, so support her through this time, and save your discussion for later. I do think you should talk to her, though.
If you wait this out there is also a chance she will bring up the subject, or something close to it that will lead to a comfortable exchange between the two of you. Good luck Grandma!

Answer 3

Well, i am not really one to talk. My baby is almost ten months old and i have another due early Sept. The thing is, I also have two other kids that are 5 and 3. They all have the same dad and he is wonderful. You should sit down and explain to her the challenges she will have with two babies in diapers and that raising kids is easy when they are younger but during the toddler years, it is quite testing. Usually, if someone tells her not to have any more she may rebel to some extent. I would advise taking her to lunch and don't harp on her but explain the challenges you had raising her. Was she an only child? A lot of kids who were, want to make sure their kids have a play mate. Either way, she is too young to have kids like that without marriage..........just explain the challenges as a friend and concerned parent :)

Answer 4

Is the baby she's expecting her current boyfriends? Is he being daddy to the 8 month old? I got married when I was 18 had a baby, got divorced, got married again at 21, another baby at 22, and 27. We got divorced at 28. He was a good daddy to my 1st who wasnt his, biologically. We got back together 2 yrs ago, Igot pregnant again, he became a CRACK head, doesnt take care of ANY OF US and I got my tubes tied after giving birth to his last baby. Now Im with a wonderful man, and he's the greatest dad to all of them and he doesnt have any kids of his own and we cant have any kids unless we pay around $7000 to get a tubal reversal. Tell her to think REAL HARD about the FUTURE!!!

Answer 5

After having two babies so close together she may decide on her own. I think the best time to talk about it would be after this next baby is born. Pregnant women are too emotional as it is. Can she afford it? If she can't, and you are able to, maybe you could offer to help her out. Birth control is a personal issue, so remember to be sensitive to her feelings.

Answer 6

Just tell her the truth. It's hard and expensive raising children. I don't know if she's finished college or started it, but she's going to need to with children, especially if there may not be a man around to help with financing. Start talking to her now. Tell her she should start consulting with her doctor now on birth control methods after the next baby so that it will be in place...but just keep on loving her!! Your guidance is very important!

Answer 7

Just talk to her first about if he and her bf are having any plans about soon getting wed considering theyre going to have a baby together. Tell her if shes not then to try and consider birth control until she does get married.

Answer 8

tell your daughter to come talk to me i have 4 kids 2 girls and twin boys i am only 25. Now i love my kids don't get me wrong but as my parents wished for me was to finish school and get my life together. Of coarse i did not and started spawning out kids left and right. I smelled d**k and got pregnant. I am now able to start going back to school to get my life back together. But i can't work at all because i would be working for free or owing the daycare money.
I wish now that i look back on life and wish i would have got my life together first. I at this time can not provide for my kids the way i always wanted to do for them. Don't think they are not well taken care of but i cant rush out and by them that 500.00 power wheel they want.
It hurts me deeply that i did not get my life together first before i had my baby's and feel horrible for my husband that has to take care of all the financial responsibilities.

Answer 9

you need to tell your daughter that having children is not like buying a car they don't come with insurance and she can't returned them once they are there......tall her that your worried about her even though she may say "mum iam an adult and already have one kid" tell her that if this is was she wants thats fine but ask her in 5 years what she is going to do with her life. no that she has one and another on the way she wont have anytime for herself and to do the things she wants when she wants.... i know im a single mum with a 14 month old and coz i don't have a babysiter on call it makes it hard.....tell her that you don't want to be a grandmother again to soon.....but in the end it is her life and she will do what she wants but talk to her tell her how your feeling that you are a little worried about the path she is going down.

Answer 10

Well no offence but she is 23. She is an adult now. U cant really tell her to do anything. All u can do is pray and listen to her and be there for her. You can try talking to her one on one but try not to seem like you are pushing the issue. Every thing will come together in its own time!