If you could not have a baby would you adopt a child?

Question

if you could have a child would you rather adopt instead?

Answer 1

Since I actually cannot have children, I guess for me the question is "do you plan to adopt?"

YES!!!!!!!

As much as I would like to have a child of my own, that I carried for 9 months, I'd rather play the "russian roulette" of adoption than be childless.

So what if the baby is addicted or has handicaps? All the more reason that baby needs a good mom and dad... And I can provide both! (Husband agrees with me here!!)

I have explored the cost of various avenues to parenthood. Having a baby in the usual/traditional fashion (pre-natal appointments, vitamins, labor and delivery, etc) is actually comparable to an undisputed adoption. (In an undisputed adoption, both birth parents are ok with the adoption- no un-informed birth-dad or birth-grandparent who decides to fight it.)

The cost of in-vitro (take my eggs, my husband's sperm, mix, bake in another woman's "oven"...) is astronomical in comparison.

What adoptive parents go through is very different from what "natural" parents go through. "Natural" parents get to become parents in the privacy of their own bedroom. Their friends and family are oh, so happy about the arrival of the baby that looks so much like so many family members. No one examines their life through a microscope to "qualify" them to keep their own baby. Yes, there is a physical challenge, and physical issues, but...

Adoptive parents on the other hand, must lay their entire life out in the open, allow people who don't know them to examin it all, invade their home and interogate them, then they wait....... hoping that some day some pregnant woman/girl will allow them to raise her baby. They get the wonderful call- she's chosen you! The baby is due_____.

I've heard of instances where the adoptive parents are on their way out the door to go to the hospital to meet their baby, and the phone rings- the case worker says that the birth mom has changed her mind- don't come.

Or the baby is placed, and a man comes forward to "claim" his baby- "She never told me I had a child." Many judges will return the child to family.

These possibilities scare the daylights out of me. Could I handle the heart-break of getting ready to love a baby, then told- "Never mind- don't even come to meet the baby"?..... Or actually having a baby placed with us and then having to allow a judge rip that child away from our home?

Adoption can be painful for all three members of the triad [adoption triad= birth parent(s), adoptee, adoptive parent(s)]. But it can be a wonderful experience as well.

Yes, I know that there are horror stories about adoption, but there are horror stories about every other experience, as well- jobs, marriage, buying a home, selling a car, etc.
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My husband was born into a home that was NOT a good place for ANY child. He and his brother were taken out of the home, placed in foster care for 6 or 7 years, then finally adopted, with his brother. (WOW!! An older child, and a sibling group- they're pretty hard to place!!)

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There are a lot of things I plan to tell my children (who will all be adopted).

I will tell them their history, as they are able to understand.

I will tell them that just as I "picked" Daddy, I picked each of them, and love them "as big as the sky!"

I will tell them that adoption runs in the family... ;)

Answer 2

Adoption is a wonderful thing. All the people who answered "no you don't know what you get" well you don't know what you get with a natural child either. A natural child could have brain damage, be physically disabled, grow up to be a pain in the ***, etc etc. People will goto the pound and pick a puppy or kitten but not adopt a child? This amazes me to no end, to think of all the children who could use good homes, and you don't want to because you want your own blood.

Some celeberity was once asked how many children he had. He replied "I have four". Then the reporter said "aren't two of them adopted?". To this the man said "yes, but I always forget which two." This is a great lesson for everyone.

If you believe in a higher power, such as God, maybe it's God who led you to adopt the child you would have. I mean actually if somone adopts, they actually choose the child they want, it's the natural children they are stuck with and don't know what they are getting.

Answer 3

If the child is old enough to know his name then I would say it is to late unless you ask the child. But if you ask the child be prepared for the child to have a name in mind if they would like it to be changed. I was adopted at 13. The name I go by was kept but at my request a name added and drop. My parents were happy to keep my name as is except change the last name and that was not written in stone. My adopted parents also adopted 2 new Born's. One was given a name but they never knew what it was and they name that child and the other ones birth mother decline to name the baby. The whole family met both birth mothers and they both knew the names pick out. YOu will not get a majority to answer either way on here and you will get slammed if you do it. I am adopted and proud of it. To me a family is more than blood lines.

Answer 4

I would absolutely without a doubt adopt. The only problem is that it is SOOOOO expensive!
I would like to be a foster parent. There are so many kids out there without parents whether foster or adoption, why not help a child get something good in their life.
To the other answerer who said you don't know what kind of kid you get, you don't know what kind of kid you get when you have your own. Just because you didn't do drugs or alcohol, etc when pregnant, doesn't mean you end up with the perfect baby/child/teen/adult/person.

Answer 5

I would be willing to adopt in any situation, whether I could or could not have a child wouldnt be a factor. If I had the money and things necessary to adopt, I would have already. I would like to adopt a child in any circumstance. I love children and babies. I have a 2 year old son and he's my heart. I view all children as beautiful miracles, all deserving to be loved and cherished and protected.

Answer 6

No, I would NEVER adopt. For many reasons. First off is that you won't get what you pay for. I know several adoptees, one my best friend, who have returned to their original natural real families and have changed back their names and even are getting "adopted-back" again. If you want a child of your own, give birth to one.

Secondly, many adoptees feel rejected and "not good enough" their whole lives, like they weren't good enough to keep. "Was I a bad baby?" they may ask their adopters when a child.

Third, adoption is a HUGE industry and one that is based on exploitation. Why was there over 10,000 domestic infant adoptions in the U.S. last yr but less than 10 in Australia, with 1/10th the population of the U.S.? Because in Australia it's not a big business and vulnerable (young, poor, etc.) mothers are not exploited. In fact, if you're unwed and a mother in Australia, you are NOT left poor -- you're given a living wage and then helped to get a job eventually and minimun wage is $12.75/hr. You are not expected to put your infant into daycare nor left to live in an impoverished ghetto but are provided with good housing.

So, we exploit the vulnerable over here, harvest young mothers of their babies so that agencies can pull in tens of thousands on each "Healthy White Infant" adoption the complete. Did you know that the trend is to make certain that the mother can't make a decision after recovering from the birth: pre-birth consents to adoption, making her sign while still drugged after childbirth, having adopters pay her pregnancy expenses, having adoption agency staff and adopters right there in the delivery room - it all boils down to harvesting her of her baby. No choice after recovering from childbirth equals no choice at all.

Answer 7

I can have children, and I plan too. I would also like to adopt a child too though. I think both are great. I want my own flesh and blood, but I also want to give an abandoned child the gift of having a good life.

Answer 8

We thought we couldn't have children, and were looking into adoption. Then six months later, I found out I was pregnant. We decided that was enough for the time being, then seven months after my oldest was born, I found out I was pregnant again. So now I have 2 little girls. It just goes to show that sometimes things aren't what they seem.

As far as adoption, I would more then willingly open my home to a child. I have a few friends who are unable to have children, and adoption is their only option. To me, it's a blessing.

It's hard to adopt. First you have to fill out a bunch of paperwork, then wait to see if it was accepted.

Then comes the home study where a person who doesn't know you, or anything about you, comes into your home and does a detailed interview with you and your husband together, then seperate to make sure your stories match and that you have the same views on parenting.They go over your finances, your bank statements, your taxes, your previous jobs. Then they look over you home and tell you what you have to fix to make it baby friendly. Then that gets sent to who ever you are going through to adopt, and they decide if you are a good candidate for adoption.

After that is the waiting game. You wait and wait until someone picks you to give their child to. You don't really get a say. You can say you want a girl/boy, what race, what preferance as far as mental and emotional problems or learning problems, but that's as much say as you get. If you were to have a child on your own, you really have no say in what you get either. They could be born with severe mental or physical problems and what would you do then?

Then after the child comes to live with you, the courts have six months to watch you and make sure you are a good parent before anything is final.

People who say that adopting is easier then haveing kids doesn't know what they are talking about.

Adoption is expensive too, almost triple what a normal birth costs. So with the money you put out, the time you wait, the agony you go through to be a parent when there are no other options is more so then a parent who just gives birth to a baby.

Would I go through all of that to get a child that wasn't mine biologically.. and emphatic YES!!!!!

I wanted to add some more things after reading the entry right above mine. First, let me say that I know many adopted people/kids who are very happy and very well adjusted. Just because you are adopted, doesn't mean you will feel like you aren't as good as a kid who wasn't. It all depends on what you teach that child and how you explain adoption to them. If you don't tell them and they find out on their own, then yes I could see that as being a problem and effecting self-esteem.

Second, WE DON'T LIVE IN AUSTRALIA!!!! It's nice that they do that, but we are not them. I don't feel it's right to reward an unwed mother with a salary and housing when she has made the decision to hop in bed with someone, knowing the consequences of her actions.

Third, a mother who gives away her baby has 72 hours before they will LET her sign the papers. It's the law. She isn't required to sign anything to give her baby away until those 72 hours are up, and if she needs more time, more time is given to her. She also has the right to decide who is in the delivery room with her. If she doesn't want anyone there, then no one is allowed in the room. Think of how you would feel if you had waited and waited to get a baby, been told that one was finally on the way, just to be told when the baby is born that the mother changed her mind and now you are left with nothing but an empty nursery.

Some agencies pay a pretty penny to girls who want to give up their babies, and then if they change their minds, the agency is out that money. The agency pays for their medical care and labor costs and that isn't cheap. The only time an adoptive family pays those costs is when they are doing an open adoption with a lawyer.

Fourth, the number of babies born to unwed caucasian woman is very low. Most are either African American or Hispanic. The cost for a white baby is really high due to supply and demand.

I feel bad for anyone who says they would never even think about adoption. For some woman, that is the only option they have, and if it's a choice between adoption or no kids, I would pick adoption.

Answer 9

No. You don't know what you are getting ~ it is like Russian Roulette. What if the parents were drug addicts or alcoholics? Your newly "adopted" child would just have to try it to get addicted and then life would go downhill quickly.

I would rather be childless than adopt a child.

Answer 10

Being an adoptee....I would and do have 1 natural son but plan on sharing my life with an adopted child in a few years

Answer 11

Yes -- but only you can really answer that question for yourself. Are YOU ready to adopt a child? It's not the right choice for everyone.

P.S.: annalynnshela03, I just totally love your answer. What a great way to tell your kids about adoption!