I have been married for 1 1/2 yrs to a man who is so unemotional. He claims to be happy all the time. Nothing "gets to him". Not that I want trouble for him but it seems he is disconnected whether it be the birth of our son or someone close to us dying. I will add he is a firefighter and I know that in that line of duty they have to have an on/off button. It just seems his is always off. He professes his love for me daily.....but does not show it in his actions. This is my second marriage (my first one was much more deep emotionally) Long story as to how and why it ended, it is in the past anyway. I just love this man so deeply and wish so much that we could share a deeper connection. In the beginning I thought we did but as I look back I realize it was all me! I was always having to do all the "work". After a while I layed low to see if he would step up and when he did not I began to resent all that I did for him/us. Then I went through a stage of what I would call pitiful....almost
2006-06-19 14:33:28 · 10 answers · asked by momkmmt4 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
begging and pleading for his time,love and affection. Now I am at the point that I am just so hurt and sad that I seem to love him more than he loves me which he denies. He says it just never occurs to him how to show me these things. I am at my wits end. I feel like I deserve so much more. We did do counseling for almost six months until it would not fit in his busy schedule anymore. I just feel second or third best at most all the time. All the while he says he feels differently. Any ideas?
2006-06-19 14:35:52 · update #1
It has gotten to the point we argue all the time....can not understand what the other is saying ....always miscommunicating.
2006-06-19 14:36:56 · update #2
The only thing I can suggest is professional help, a couselor or theripst of sorts to help you with his detachment and to help him connect to you. In most relationships men need the emotinal ties to their wives as their emotional ties to the whole world.
2006-06-19 14:38:06 · answer #1 · answered by Alpha Wolf 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be first in his life - no matter what. And it's sad that you've been married for 1 1/2 years and 1/3 was spent in counseling. Normally I wouldn't recommend considering divorce, but it sounds like you're best option. You shouldn't be with someone who isn't really with you, especially the second time around.
My little sister is going through this (1 1/2 yrs also) and found that he was cheating on her. Because they have 2 kids (my hero nephews) I'm praying they can work things out. It doesn't sound the same for you, and you made no mention of having an idea he might be cheating (I usually rely on those feelings), so I would certainly approach him. You might also consider splitting up for a while and go back to just dating and see if the spark is still there.
Good luck and best wishes.
2006-06-19 14:43:36 · answer #2 · answered by David 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He just may not have the "relationship skills" that you have. It seems that there is a lot of communication coming from you but not from him. From what you said, the relationship is very unbalanced. I know that it is hard with being newly married and having a baby but this is a good indication of what the relationship might be like down the road. Ask your self if you are willing to be like this for ever or do you want more. I am again suggesting counseling for the both of you. It is inporant and he needs to find the time some how. This very well may save your marriage. If he will not go with you, go alone. It may help you figure out why you are giving so much and getting nothing in return.
2006-06-19 14:44:01 · answer #3 · answered by Kayce H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This kind of sounds like the movie "Breaking Up". If you were not married, I would suggest taking a break, but the best way in a marriage is to start doing your own things. He is probably taking you for granted and doesn't even realize it. I'm not suggesting going to clubs or anything that looks bad, but maybe you should find something you enjoy on your own for a while. If he's smart, he'll want to be a part of it with you in time.
Sometimes guys need you to be very straight forward. We come from a different planet with different communication skills. The fire department is like the military and a fraternity at the same time. Find a relaxing moment together, do not be overly confrontational, but let him know how you feel. Hints fly over our heads because we do not communicate that way. (big hint: avoid the word "you" and use lots of "I feel" and "I feel that way when this happpens" phrases)
2006-06-19 14:48:51 · answer #4 · answered by fortuitousoppty 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe no one has explained to us what emotionally available means? I think women expect us to be mind readers or read between the lines when men actually require everything spelled out to a tee to avoid misunderstandings.
2016-05-20 03:36:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do things with him that he likes to do. Find out what makes him tick. Connect with him at his level. Try to seek counseling and help and see if he is open to marriage counseling with you. I am sure he loves you very much he just does not know how to show it. Just keep showing him how much you love him . Do not resent him and seek counseling and help.
2006-06-19 14:45:30 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you have a insecurity problem, if you focus more on yourself, and not so much about him, you will see that everything is really fine. I know, I am in the same kind of relationship, except now that I have focused more on my kids and bettering myself, and less time worrying about making him happy, things are so much better. Think about it, he did marry you...
2006-06-19 14:42:34 · answer #7 · answered by mslorikaraoke 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I to am trying to figure that out with MY husband, who is in the Marine Corp. The best thing i can suggest is let him come to you. We as women want something deeper. But I am learning that men are not as deep as we want them to be. Let him come to you, let him choose how deep he wants to get. The more comfortabel he feels with you he will allow the deepness. Just give it a try.....
2006-06-19 14:39:35 · answer #8 · answered by dlmvm0612 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly, sweetie, its kinda hard. The only thing that I think can help is to try to imitate him for a while. If he notices the change he will definitely step up and do his part.
2006-06-19 14:40:37 · answer #9 · answered by sar-mir 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont hunt him with questions...mimic his behavior to see if he seeks you.
Counceling is needed and he needs to make time otherwise he will be alone, with no wife and no family.im sure he will then have a lot of time on his schedule
2006-06-19 14:39:25 · answer #10 · answered by hmc121667 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋