dad needs help?

Question

i,m a dad of 1 daughter shes 11 ever since her mother left she refuses to do anything at all i phyicaly have to dress her and bathe her because she just will not do anything at all i work 2 jobs and this is a every night thing because she will not dress or even bathe herself i need help

i have been to allsorts of counslers,doctors ect nothing help her mom dont want nothin to do with her or me so like i said this is a everynight event

Answer 1

It sounds like she is dealing with a lot because of her mom leaving. Taking her to talk to a couselor could help a lot because it sounds like she is in a depression.

Answer 2

She is most likely depressed, and you should seek help for her immediately!
Also, I would highly advise you to not give your 11 year old daughter a bath, or get her dressed. It is very inappropriate, and if your daughter should happen to mention this fact to one of her friends, you might end up with the social services people visiting your house- or worse...they may remove the girl from your home!
Your daughter needs your support emotionally. At her age, you should be able to sit her down and discuss her fears and feelings. Tell her what you can about what is going on, and reassure her that you will always love her and be with her. Most children react to a divorce/desertion by clinging to the remaining parent because they are unsure of their future. In this case, it appears that your daughter has placed herself in a position where she requires your total attention and care, such as a baby would need.
Some parents think that they are protecting their child by hiding the truth from them, and this creates a whole set of problems on it's own. Be honest with her, discuss short-term goals so she will know what to expect in the near future. Give her something to look forward to, and by discussing these goals, she will be reassured that you will be there for her.
Good luck

Answer 3

Hire a nanny or helper to help encourage and teach her what to do and how. Do you have a sister or a mom or family member that can help with this? Does your daughter have emotional or mental problems or delays because of all of this and what her mother has done to her. She may need counseling to deal with her pain of her mom leaving her too. I am here if you need to talk. I give you alot of credit for being a single dad and for raising her all by yourself. There should be more honorable men like you out there. Is he mom paying child support and does she ever even want to see her daughter? Why did her mom leave and abandon her if i may ask?

Answer 4

have you taken her to a counselor so she can to someone about her feelings besides with you? needs to talk it out. and get her anger out.
and (just thinking) that maybe she thinks you work 2 jobs and might leave too.
maybe have her take a whole day with just grandma, an aunt, or neighbor lady ; another woman in her life to help with this might help too.
maybe give her a special "girls" day. with these ladies or just with you outside the house, besides just getting her dress.
tell her you are going to take a picnic to a park and tell her the time to be ready with clothes on. let her help with food ideas.
maybe giving her some of her own ideas about things.
at night tell her you will read a book with her when she bathes herself and brush her teeth by a certain time. that gives her some control too.
or at this time discuss how each other's day went and ask to think about what she would like to do either in 2 days, or whatever long it takes to plan something for your schedule.
but have HER plan the whole day. giving her independence and a reason to be happy again. and keeping her mind busy on life in this home.

just some thoughts only.

Answer 5

First of all, way to go dad! You stuck around. Your daughter feels abandoned and like maybe her mom leaving was her fault (even though it may clearly not be so). Your daughter is severely depressed. You need to get her into counseling. Have you thought about having someone come in to help you? If not a family member, then maybe someone you can hire to help fill the gap. Your daughter will thank you later (not in the teen years-trust me!...but she eventually will). Way to pick up the slack dad. Hang in there. Things will get better.

Answer 6

your daughter sounds like she is very depressed and i really think you need to get her some professional help and soon if your daughter is this depressed that she wont bathe or dress her self i see a lot to be concerned about sounds to me like she is locked in side her self and cant get out if you ignore this you may lose her completely ,what is her moms problem what mom would just walk away from their child does she have any idea that she is destroying her daughter ,until you get her some help you need to watch her closely or have someone watch her while you work its obvious if what you're saying is true your daughter has a very severe problem and she has given up help her dad you are her only hope

Answer 7

Damn.. I've found a male counterpart.. I'm not kiddin.. I'm 53/F (but had this 'lil darling' when I turned 42.. second marriage..) I'm still married to this guy but he's spoiled the **** outta this daughter we've got together. (The 'old maiden aunt'/his sister's worse at spoiling this kid.. ****, took her to Disney twice, bought her this l,000 computer I'm currently typing on..) They run out and buy this kid of mine anything! She'll whine til she gets a $l5 compact then act all satisfied for one day and then come up w/a new thing to whine for! I don't get a damn dime (from anybody) and stay at home (that's another gripe of mine around here) so I know it sure as **** wasn't ME that caused this problem.) Man, I hope someone (else, it looks like) gives ya a good answer. I kinda think as my daughter tho is growing up, she is getting a bit more 'savvy' about what's going down round the good ole house here.. She discusses it with me.. I've resorted to (****, I lost my 'kid' .. thanks to them.. now I'm dealing with a 'teen adult' like) discussions. She is very intelligent. (I bet your ll year old is too.) Man, you can't keep doing everything for her and working the 2 jobs tho.. She must pitch a fit if you don't hop to it, right? You are too tired to put up much of a fight. Did her mom do all the stuff for her when she was there too? (yes, right?) My daughter lacks confidence to pick out 'just the right clothes' (at ll, they are all kinda lacking confidence..) We are too materialistic, it's partly society. I've noticed she likes to cut ME down (cause everyone else does/treats me like the house slave?) to better herself. (Yeah, and we discussed that too.. ****, we discuss it all..) Well, you have to do this gradual.. encourage her to pick out one item to wear one night, then gradually work other 'free to do it yourself' things in, o.k.? The bathing thing.. that shows she misses her mother.. it's 'mommy's job' in her mind. (poor kid.. where'd the mother go? Can you tell her any of this? I am guessing she cannot assist you or you'd have this problem solved as you've gotta be getting used up w/2 jobs..) sigh.. g'luck fellah

Answer 8

I think you need to take her to see the family doctor. It sounds like she is depressed and needs medication at least short term to help her work through her issues. Good luck.

Answer 9

You need to get her into counseling fast!! She is depressed. I work in this area and have seen this before. Make sure that you follow up on this b/c it sounds severe and you are always afraid of sucide in child depression cases.

Answer 10

Sounds like this girl could use some counciling. She is rebelling due to the seperation. Let her visit her mom if possible.