She's Pregnant....And yes I used a condom!!!?

Question

We were just messing around. She knows this too. She wants to keep the baby and I want to move on. We never went down that love road and have only been seeing each other for about 1 1/2 months. She is wonderful. I think someone will love her deeply one day? But she's not for me. Were her feelings for me stronger than I knew? How do I get her to understand? She wants to be a teen mom, and with condom in hand I told her I did not want to be a dad. If kept I'd step up, but I'm not ready.

Answer 1

You seem sincere, so I'll give you the most sincere answer I can give.

When two teens make a baby, there are decisions to be made for both of you. One is by the mother and the mother only, which is the decision on whether she should abort, keep, or put up the child for adoption. One is by the father and the father only, and that is if he is ready to be a father. Obviously, you took the proper measures to avoid getting her pregnant that anyone should always do - you did the right thing, but no birth control is 100%, and in this rare case, she still got pregnant. I think, that because you were not being stupid and having unprotected sex with someone you knew you wouldn't spend the rest of your life with, and you were instead having smart protected sex, you are justified in not being with her just for the sake of the child.

You are not ready to be a father, and you know that. You have the choice not to be the child's father, just like she had the choice to not be the child's mother (through the possibility of giving it up, through abortion or adoption). She chose to be the child's mother. You can choose not to be the child's father, I feel.

Now, keep in mind, she can take you to court to make you pay child support, but some girls either aren't smart enough or just don't do that. But if she does, you will have to pay that until the child is 18. It is the price to pay to not actually be with the mother, but it isn't too much to ask, considering you are getting your own life back and the possibility of falling in love with someone you connect with. It's either pay, or be stuck with her. A relationship you are stuck in but don't want to be in is the worst kind.

I hope my advice helps you, and good luck, bud.

Answer 2

well to start off if you dont see yourself being with someone if something like this could happen then there is no reason for you two to even be having s*x, s*x is to be shared by two people in love not stupid teens doing it because you think each other is hott and it would be fun! s*x is something that shouldnt be messed around with, you had it just for the physical part and you didnt want the emotional part and now you have the emotional part and you cant handle that part(plus a baby) so how are you to deal with it! you should have waited til you wanted to be a father, and condom tear, they could have holes in them, and you might not have been delicated enought with it so it is probably your own fault for her becoming pregnantl. and if you didnt love her you shouldnt have wasted her time by being with her you should have told her(been a man) that you really didnt love her you liked her and you should have done her some good and not had sex with her and put her in the situation of her having a baby, that jeopardizes both of your lifes, and why do that to someone you dont even love! you should have told her that you didnt feel the same way she did and discussed things before you had s*x to begin with. and you say someone one day will love her maybe she wont get the chance to meet some guy someday that really thinks she is special maybe she will think it will happen again and take the first guy that gets with her, and not treat her the way EVERY women should be! you could have ruined her life, you may think that it will come out all right, but kids, are expensive and you dont make enough money, and are still a teenager learning things, and cant do it on your own. take this as a lesson to yourself that if you dont love her and cant handle being together for the baby's sake that you wont just have s*x with a girl with the possiblity of her becoming pregnant if you dont want to marry her! you dont want the baby to be a bastard and you are doing this!

i think you deserve this because you didnt take her into consideration and this is what you deserve, god is punishing you for your sins!

Answer 3

There is honestly nothing that you can do to change her mind about giving up her child. I am not telling you this to lecture but as soon as you slept with her you took the chance of having a baby, protection or not. If you're old enough to know what birth control is you also know thats its NEVER 100 percent effective. Condoms less than 75 percent.

Her wanting to keep her baby probably has ABSOUTELY nothing to do with her thinking shes in love with you. It is a moral decision and if she is not comfortable with giving the baby to someone then i urge you to step up and be a man, there a WAY too many kids growing up with out a parent or without both. If you dont want to have a relationship with this girl, you still have a responsibility to your baby. My advice is try and form some kind of friendship for the sake of your child.

Good Luck.

Answer 4

First of all, make sure that she wasnt pregnant before you two got together. 6 weeks is enough time to tell if a woman is pregnant but it is a very short time. Second, have her take another pregnancy test to make sure that the first was not faulty. Buy a top of the line or take her to the doctor or your local health department. Third, make sure she isnt lying justt to keep you around. She may be trying to trick you into a false sense of security and since she's "pregnant" now, you dont have to use a condom because it doesnt matter. Dont fall for this one. Because if she is not then she willl be once you lose the condoms. I am not trying to make it sound like your girl is a bad person. You are, after all, teenagers and she is looking for a way to secure her future. That is a natural thing. Best of luck to you both.

Answer 5

Oooo, that's a toughie. Mind you, condoms don't work 100% of the time. You have to be either taking birth control and have your partner use a condom, or some other combination of TWO ways of birth control.

You'd have to ask her about her feelings, it's hard to tell from what you've written... but she could just want to keep the baby because she doesn't want to have an abortion (May be too young to get it done legally or something else).

If she's already made up her mind about it, there's not much that you can do to change it... unless she wants out later on, as pregnancy can get pretty rough. Just keep an eye on her, she may change her mind, but other than that, you need to talk to her about her feelings for you

Answer 6

Well, stuff happens. Condoms don't always work and that's mostly because either you or her used it incorrectly. But if she's made her decision to keep the baby then that's her decision. You should be supporting her regardless of how you feel for her because both of you are going to be tied together forever now that she has your child. Convincing her to aboard the baby isn't a good thing either but you both should definitely sit down together either with someone older or a psychologist and really think about what you guys are getting yourself ready to be. This isn't something small you can simply blow off and forget. REALLY talk about it and express how you feel about everything. That's the best advice I can give you. Good luck.

Answer 7

Though this situation is a less than desirable one to be in, you are obviously smart enough to own up to your mistake. Given the situation as it is, you may want to consider a paternity test. I would also advise both of you meet with some parenting councilors who can give you two some straight answers.
If the child is yours what happens to it is the mother's choice. You could help her raise the child financially, emotionally or both. Whether you decide to be an absentee father or not you need to stick with that choice changing your mind half way through the child's life will cause irreparable psychological anguish.
Being that your both too young to be very effective parents i would encourage you both to give your child a very loving and selfless gift: the gift of a better life. Put your child up for adoption and let people who both want, and could more than adequately provide love your child.
Teen parents usually do not end up living happily ever after. their children have strained childhoods and are forced to grow up too soon.

Answer 8

Own up to your responsibility. If you were not prepared to have a baby, then you should not be having sex. A condom is not 100% full proof! Now you are going to need to be responsible for your actions. Whether or not you love the mother, that little baby is part of you, and you need to do your best to take care of it, make sure it has enough money for food, clothes, daycare, diapers, insurance, college..etc. And make sure you take the time to help raise the child. Whatever you do, do not shirk off your responsibility and take the easy way out, like so many of the other losers out there who cannot face it.

Answer 9

That's part of the risk you take when you have sex is the possibility of something not going as planned. Condoms may be 99.9% effective but there's always that 0.1% chance that it could rip, break, come off, or spill and get her pregnant.

It's really your decision, if I were you I'd step up to the plate and help her take care of the child. Or at least consult both your parents and her's about it, if both are ok with you both raising the child then go for it.

You won't even begin to imagine what kind of a responsibility a child is until you have one.

Answer 10

I'm thinking that if you wore a condom...it might not be yours. I would serioulsy get a DNA test when the baby is born. If it is your step up and be a man. I had my son 4 months ago under the same situation and the guy is being a dad and we arent together it can be done. Just make her know exactly how you feel about her and dont lead her on if you dont wanna be with her!