A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an
oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a
difficult,four hour, surgical procedure.
A young, female student nurse appears to give
him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask.
"Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't
know, Sir, I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his
testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. Sheraises his gown, holds his stuff in one hand and his testicles in the
other,
lifting and moving them around.
Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing
wrong with them, Sir."
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says
very slowly,
"Thank you very much That was wonderful, but, listen very,
very closely......
"A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"
2006-06-19 13:46:52
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answer #1
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answered by Anonymous
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Things to do in an elevator:
1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back and go back for more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day your day been?"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8) Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
9) Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, They open up again."
15) Swat at flies that don't exist.
16) Tell people that you can see their aura.
17) Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.
18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, Got enough air in there?"
20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."
26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other
passengers, "This is my personal space!"
27.) ask "excuse me, my butt itching, can anyone scratch it for me?" (you are holding things in your two hands)
28.) Turn against the wall and start talking to the wall.
29.) Look at your "invisivle" watch, and take your wrist and ask one of the people "Is this time right?"
30.) Start hummong really loudly like you are meditating "UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...
31.) start doing jumping jacks.
32.) Look at your hand and say out load "woooooow, coool" and wave your hand at the people and say "isn't it wow and cool?"
33.) Sit on the floor and close your eyes, and start snoring really loudly.
34.) Look suddenly at the floor of the elevator and start screaming at the "invisible" squirrel.
==============================...
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1.) Take the Powder and apply it to your @$$
2.) Rinse
3.) and wait
(4.) For best result take a dump outside and THEN use the "Stinkt Be gone" powder
Remember, its very limited so call now!! at 1-800-butt-stink
or go to www.stinkbutt.com
2006-06-19 21:28:28
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answer #2
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answered by Anonymous
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There was a pickle, cucumber, and a penis. They were sitting around talking about how their lifes sucked. The pickle said, "my life really sucks cause when i get big fat and juicy i get placed in a jar full of spices and a weird tasting water looking thing". The cucumber said, " OHHH you think you got it tough, when i get big fat and juicy i get all cut up and placed in a platter with other veggies, with different types of salad dressings". The penis said, "when i get big fat and juicy i get this slippery plastic covering over me and get placed inside a dark room and bang my head until i start vomiting".
2006-06-19 20:36:11
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answer #3
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answered by cloud_rip <-------thats my SN 1
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How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
5. 1 to make the dough , and 4 to peel the m&m's
2006-06-19 20:03:44
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answer #4
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answered by Mezee 3
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A blonde ,a brunette, and a redhead were walking down the street. The Brunette sees some white stuff on the ground and says that it looks like sperm. The redhead smells it and says that it smells like sperm. The blonde tastes it and says, 'its from this building.'
2006-06-19 20:29:52
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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What did the ocean say to the moon?
nothing it just "waved"!
2006-06-19 20:16:50
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answer #6
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answered by Bebo T 2
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why did the blonde go on the roof of the bar?
2006-06-19 20:07:44
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answer #7
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answered by Anonymous
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Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
He was feeling crumby.
(wah wah wah)
2006-06-19 20:01:32
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answer #8
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answered by Bridget 2
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why do sharks only swim in salt water?
because they are allergic to pepper! hahahaha
2006-06-19 20:12:30
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answer #9
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answered by I <3 the RED SOX! 2
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Why are men like floor tiles?
Lay them right the first time, and you can walk all over them for years.
-----------------------------------------------
What is the useless piece of meat attached to a penis called?
A man.
2006-06-19 20:50:24
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answer #10
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answered by Diane 4
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