He has always been a little moody and dark but for the past year or so he has just been sullen and rude. I keep trying to get him to get seen for depression but he doesn't listen. He complains CONSTANTLY about work, home, me, him, EVERYTHING!!!!! Then he refuses to do anything to make his life happier. He has this dream of owning and operating a recording studio and says he won't be happy until he realizes his dream but I think that's immature because if you want to reach a goal you need to work toward it. Everything isn't instant gratification, you know? Life takes work and he is just doing A LOT of complaining getting there. He seems like he is ALWAYS mad at me, even when I haven't done anything wrong. :-( I don't want to ever have a divorce but I don't know anymore. If he is mentally ill am I a horrible person if I leave him? Isn't that what I meant when I said in sickness and in health, for better or for worse? HELP!!!!!!!!!!
2006-06-19 11:50:07 · 12 answers · asked by NoWayOut 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your question is straight-forward enough, but your further elaboration has me reeling. I can't answer you for any specifics you mention, but will try to give you an answer for your original question.
If a man is gloomy, or generally unhappy, he may not even know that he is and not know why he is. I suggest having a talk with him. It may be something he just needs to talk out, or even get help for. A lot of us have dreams that are unfulfilled as yet, and it can make us unhappy thinking we've failed. But we don't want to talk about it because we don't want others to see us as failures, too.
I'm a much moodier person than my wife, who is generally a light-hearted person with an upbeat way about her. Yet, my often depressed state makes her more subdued, and I think it affects her mood too, and how she feels about us. It's been like this for 17 years of our marriage, but we care enough about each other to try to work it out when it gets severe. I like to joke with her, and she will respond by being her bubbly self, which signifies that things are well for us again. It just comes and goes.
You can cope better if you talk things out once in awhile. We have, and it does help. We've gotten to the point where we know more instinctively what's going on at times when I'm a grump, which is too often, of late.
2006-06-19 12:15:05 · answer #1 · answered by Nightwriter21 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't give up. DIVORCE IS NOT THE ANSWER. Take it from a guy in this very predicament. This is one complaint my wife riddled me with. She's sick and tired of my negative BS also. But I lost my job 6 years ago and couldn't find unemployment. Thus losing my identity as a man, husband, and father. She wants to leave me. But there's a lot more than just that. I'll save that for another time.
The funny thing about men is that their actions are what speaks for them. Have you ever known men to be GREAT communicators? Here's the thing I didn't get from your question: What outlying factor caused this depression (that's what this is)? For me, it was 6 years of unemployment. Normal, rational people are not like this unless something triggered it. INTERVENE! Get him help. Unless he is alcoholic, a drug abuser, completely mental (clinically) or hurts you, there is no rational reason to end a marriage. After 8 years, everything gets old. Try this, ask a trusted couple - not your parents - about how they felt about each other after 1 year of marriage, 3 years of marriage, 8 years, 10 years and so. You'll find out that love changes. It goes from that wild infatuation of pupply love to something that all marriages strive for - mature love. Mature love can only be achieved through time and galvanized by trials and tribulations.
Good luck.
2006-06-20 08:20:35 · answer #2 · answered by ntoriano 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex is still that way. i used to get so frustrated because if he would have only opened his eyes he would have seen that we had everything. At age 33 ( me 29) we had bought a nice house, both had great jobs, and new cars and most of all a beautiful daughter. We had the world in front of us. He was never happy though and ended up in drugs. They made him "feel good" where everything else did not.
He ended up in prison for 15 years and now has nothing. He has since been able to see exactly what he had and lost and always took for granted - with prison and anti depressants.
The sad thing is that I am soooo much happier now without having him always see the bad in everything. I am a happy person and know exactly what you are going through. E-amil me if you need to talk cuz I have been in your shoes.
2006-06-19 12:06:59 · answer #3 · answered by wyldfyre 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is fortunate to have such a caring wife in you. There is a chance he could be battling a form of depression or possibly be bi-polar or something related. Something that may help is educating your self with his situation and how you can deal with it. Go to the library or some book stores or even websites to learn more about what he is going through and ways that will help you cope. These types of sources were helpful me when I was goinig through the same thing. Talk to a trusted friend or maybe your pastor. Truly he cannot be helped until he is willing to acknowledge he needs help but I've found that though you can't change a person you can change yourself and sometimes the way they act towards you changes in response to that. Unfortunately with situations like yours the person closest to someone battling depression tends to be the one hurt most...so don't take it personal...Good luck and remember prayer works
2006-06-19 12:05:06 · answer #4 · answered by missconduct 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like he's unhappy with you. Doesn't mean you've done anything wrong. Just means you two aren't compatible. Leave him. Find someone who's gonna love you and not treat you like an emotional punching bag. You'll be so much happier.
2006-06-19 12:17:35 · answer #5 · answered by smurfette_au2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he seems to have some issues and he needs help with them if you cant help him or he doesnt want your help he needs it from someone and you need to help him get it he seems like he might have serious depression or he might be going thru a crisis but i hope you and him find your way back to each other and be happy for once good luck
2006-06-19 13:49:42 · answer #6 · answered by 2forme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a little prozac will help
2006-06-19 11:59:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds depressed!!!
You can't help him. He needs to help himselp.
Sorry you're going through this!
2006-06-19 11:54:04 · answer #8 · answered by snow.-.angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
contact me at billy_2808@yahoo.com
2006-06-19 11:55:51 · answer #9 · answered by Billy A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give him more sex, maybe he'll forget what else is bothering him.
2006-06-19 11:58:29 · answer #10 · answered by lowIQ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋