Embarassing Question.......?

Question

Okay, this is rather embarrassing, but a serious question, so please don't be rude. Ok, I'm a 25 year old, attractive woman and I cannot climax during vaginal sex. It feels good, but not enough to reach orgasm. I can climax "other" ways such as orally with no problems. I've heard that women ages 25-30, go through a "dry spell", but seriously is this normal? I feel like there is something wrong with me and that I am definitely missing out. Are there any other ladies out there with the same problem as me? What should I do?

Answer 1

I have the same problem and I'm 28. I am unable to achieve orgasm by vaginal intercourse only. I usually have to do the work in order to climax. My clitoris requires a lot of continually and constant stimulation (rubbing) that penile penetration usually lacks. I believe a lot of women probably experience similar situations. Do a yahoo search on "achieve orgasm during intercourse" and you'll see that you're not alone! I've copied and pasted a few tidbits of info I located!!!
Here's a study that was done involving women and orgasm:

About 4,000 women completed the questionnaire. They were about 50 years old, on average.

The survey showed that orgasms were rare for many of the women:

—About 32 percent said they were unable to achieve orgasm during intercourse more than a quarter of the time. Half of those women never reached orgasm during intercourse.

—14 percent said they always achieved orgasm during intercourse.

More women were able to orgasm during masturbation:

—34 percent always reached orgasm.

—21 percent were still unable to orgasm more than a quarter of the time, two-thirds of whom never achieved orgasm during masturbation.


So, we aren't alone! Here's some advice from a sex therapist:
Researcher's Orgasm Advice

Recently, WebMD hosted a discussion with Jennifer Berman, MD, co-founder of the FemaleSexual Medicine Center at UCLA. Berman is also the director of female urology and sexual medicine at the Rodeo Drive Women's Health Center in Beverly Hills, Calif.

During the discussion, a 22-year-old woman said she had never had an orgasm during sex and asked Berman's advice. Here's what Berman said:

"In reality, only 30 percent of women experience orgasm with penovaginal intercourse. If you can experience orgasm through other ways such as oral sex, self-stimulation, or other, that is great and normal. For you to achieve orgasm during intercourse, you are going to need to have sufficient clitoral stimulation.

"If it is important for you to achieve orgasm during intercourse, I would encourage you to focus on increasing the level of foreplay prior to sex and try positions that increase clitoral stimulation and even consider incorporating a vibrator," Berman continued. "That being said, you should not feel pressured to achieve orgasm during sex."

Here's more info:
Is there a way to achieve vaginal orgasm?

Sigmund Freud promoted the idea that there are two different types of orgasm: vaginal (orgasm during penile-vaginal intercourse) and clitoral (orgasm achieved during masturbation or other non-intercourse activity). In the 1960s, sex researchers found that for women all orgasms depend at least in part on clitoral stimulation, although some women respond to internal stimulation as well. So it is widely believed now that there really is no difference between so-called "vaginal" and "clitoral" orgasms--in short, all orgasms are clitoral. We’re not sure if, in fact, you are asking how to achieve orgasm during intercourse. Some women have difficulty achieving orgasm during intercourse because the motion of intercourse simply does not provide the right kind of stimulation for orgasm. Every woman’s body responds differently, but there are some things you can try. Experiment with different positions--many women find they can orgasm more easily if they are on top, since they can control the rhythm of intercourse, and also because rubbing against their partners’ bodies stimulates the clitoris directly. Other women find they orgasm more easily when their partners are on top. Try new positions and see what works for you. You may also want to try masturbating during intercourse, with your hands, your partner’s hands, or a vibrator, in order to stimulate the clitoris. If oral sex causes you to orgasm, try masturbating during intercourse using lubricant (such as saliva, vaginal fluids, or K-Y jelly) to simulate the wet feeling of oral sex. Some women have never orgasmed during intercourse. It is important for you to know that this is normal, and that you can still have a full sexual and emotional life with your partner, regardless of when and how you orgasm. You may want to examine why this particular goal is important to you and what would change in your life if you did achieve or never achieved orgasm during intercourse.

Answer 2

Dr Answer gave a very thorough response, so I will not comment on statistics. I am the opposite of you- I need to have penetration to come! Other methods will get me close, but I need that final release. Just goes to show how different we all are.

There are small vibrators that can slide over your clitoral area while you are having sex that might work for you. Check out Xandria.com for that. Try making sure that your boyfriend stimulates you orally, almost to the point of climax, before penetration. Role-playing and "talking things up" before penetration helps enhance the experience for me. Some women also really enjoy anal stimulation and/or nipple stimulation during intercourse.

Finally, I have found that as I get older (I am 30), I really have to be with the right person. Simple physical pleasure does not do it for me any more... I need to be with a man who truly appreciates me, and who I want to be with. If I have any doubts, it is difficult. As hard as it is, you might want to ask yourself some tough questions if you are not feeling satisfied. Communication in the relationship dictates communication in bed. If your partner is willing to explore, I am sure you can work through this problem creatively. Good luck!

Answer 3

So many women have this problem. I do not, but I do climax more during intercourse than I do through oral. Don't get me wrong, my hubby is a pro at oral and I have climaxed that way many, many, many times, but I prefer to climax during intercourse. You can try to self stimulate while having sex. Use your hand while you guys are doing it. Put a pillow under your hips so he can more easily hit the infamous G-spot. Have him use his hand to stimulate your clitoris during sex. Don't get discouraged. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!!!!!! In time you may be like me and be able to just lay back and enjoy without having to put forth any effort. Good luck!!!!!

Answer 4

I have seen this happened in women who are depress o are using some medicines like Prozac if depression is an issue please don't take Prozac , Welburtrim is a better alternative it will help the two problems depression and the sex this medicine increases serotonin and (dopamine) this neurotransmitter Dopamine is the one that helps the sex or have a bowl of Fava Beans this beans do contain Dopa please be careful and try to get help. Help is out ther sex is a important part of life and should be enjoyed

Answer 5

It is normal not to reach orgasm through vaginal sex. Most women can not. Go to this web site. http://www.cwluherstory.com/CWLUArchive/vaginalmyth.html

Answer 6

I had have two ex girlfriends with the same situation, is supposed to be normal, they used another methods to get an orgasm

Answer 7

seems normal to me. personally i think the vaginal orgasm is over rated. when it happens its amazing but its too allusive to be counted on. i was in my thirties before i experienced it. best advise i can give you is stop warring about it if you can be fulfilled other way's. your really not missing anything

Answer 8

are you on top while you're trying to climax? lost of women need DIRECT clitoral stimulation during vaginal intercourse in order to climax.. if you're not on top, try being on top and grinding for awhile.. works for me... everytime... like a charm.

Answer 9

I'm 23 and I have the same "problem". It all depends on the woman, we are all different. You're normal!!!

Answer 10

You can stimulate yourself while on top too. And yes it's normal. And you can try to get him to wait until you are so turned on that you have to have it NOW.