My cousin is pregnant again and it makes me bummed out?

Question

My cousin is 21 (I am 23) and she is about to give birth to her second daughter. She had her first daughter at 19 by her then new boyfriend and recently got married when she got pregnant with her second child.

I can't make it to her shower so I called and congratulated her and sent her a gift, and I made sure she knew how excited I am for her, but on the inside I felt hurt.

I have been with my husband for 5 years and I really want a child. We plan to get pregnant in about 10 months but I still feel depressed when I hear about other people having several child, especially when they are younger than me.

I know I should be happy since I am better off waiting until I am ready, but it seems so many underserving woman have babies and that makes me feel like crap.

(And please don't bash my age, I have a college degree, I own a house and I have my stuff together emotionally, financially, and mentally for a baby. )

Have you felt this way before?

Answer 1

As long as your husband is ready why don't you just explain to him and start trying now instead of in 10 months. You can explain to him how sometimes it takes a little bit to get pregnant when you are trying and so you want to start now. I know you are anxious to have a baby...but try looking at it like no matter how long you have to wait it is sooo going to be worth it in the end. Good Luck and I hope you have a happy healthy pregnancy and baby :)

Answer 2

I was 18 when I had my first child, 20 when took on the raising of my custodial stepson and by that time TTC for over a year. It was a crushing blow to see women around me popping out babies like crazy when I wanted another so badly.

I will not bash your age, 23 is more than old enough for the responsibility for a child, if you are a responsible person. I know some 30 year olds that are not responsible enough.

Instead of feeling hurt over everyone else having a baby, maybe you can talk to your husband about pushing the plans closer. If not, enjoy your husband and cherish the time you have together without a little blessing there to keep you home. Maybe plan a trip out of the country, or do other things you will not be able to do with a newborn.

It does get better, but don't expect it to ever go away. We finally had #3 after 6 years of TTC, and would like #4 before now 15 month old #3 is three years old. I still feel jealous, even with kids of my own... its just human nature.

Answer 3

Yes, it's alright to feel that way. I get jealous when I hear of other people having babies/being pregnant even though I have a 1 and a 2 year old. I have a friend that is unable to have anymore children. She has twin boys and I can't even imagine what she goes through when she hears women talk about being pregnant. Just be glad that you will eventually be able to have children. I'm 20 with 2 children like I said, my babies were far from planned. Both were concieved on birth control. If it makes you feel better, devote your time into doing something that would enable you to be near babies so you can look forward to having a few of your own. I was unprepared for children but not undeserving. My kids have everything they need and nearly everything they want. They even have the most important things that all children need...a loving mother and father that are together. Children raised with 2 parents feel more loved that they do with 1 parent. Good luck in everything you do.

Answer 4

I would never bash you b/c i know exactly how you feel. I am 21, and i have been married for 3 years this month. My husband and I tried to have a child after about a year of marriage, but to our dismay we were unable to. After a year we decided to wait and try to let it happen naturally. My husband is in the Navy and is now stationed overseas, which is hard enough so i decided to move back home until he gets back. During this time my younger sister found out she is pregnant with her second child (she is 20). She is living with her boyfriend now and they seem to have a good relationship although he doesn't come around our family much. Two months later. My little brother found out his girlfriend of 6 months is pregnant (he is 18). I love them both to death, but i can't help but feel some resentment towards them. I am working hard getting my degree in criminal justice. I have my own house and 2 cars, meanwhile neither of them even have to pay a single bill. I vent my frustration by just realizing what a miracle this really is. I am going to be an aunt for the 4th time. So I just have to remember that it's not just whats best for me but for my family. Of course when i see her shopping for her cribs and baby clothes I still get bit by the jealousy bug, but i know I will have my time when my body is ready.

Answer 5

I haven't but my best-friend does. I had my son at 20. I was married, we were both military, owned a home, financially stable, didn't party, basically, we were ready. My son is 13 months and I'm 3 months pregnant. My friend was honest about it. She told me that while she was happy for me (by the way, she's my son's godmother and will be of this child also), she was also very jealous. I understand her feelings and judge her them. She's human and it's natural to want children. Her husband wants to wait a year and here I am, a year younger, having my second child.
I guess I just want to let you know that you're not the only one. You should also be honest with your cousin. If she's a good person, she'll understand.

Answer 6

I don't mean to ask a stupid question, but if you have stuff together emotionally, financially and mentally for a baby and you really want one (are ready to accept and love a new person), why are you waiting 10 more months?

Seriously, if this is something you really want (enough that you find it difficult to be happy for the joy others are experiencing - yes, I have felt that way, btw. It's something you just have to suck it up on until you can truly be happy for someone else. Admitting your feelings is a good first step!) and something you are really ready for - and if you feel like you're jealous to the point where it hurts you, I don't understand why you're not moving forward now.

Answer 7

Good 4 U...for waiting for marriage and not getting preg by BF's before your time! You are a smart woman and will be successful, and will be a good mother.

I got preg with my daughter while I was on birth control. I am married as well, but it wasn't in my plan of time frame. We wanted to wait another 5 months before trying.
Now that she is here....I wonder why on earth I waited so long!!! She is the greatest.

You sound ready. I believe that is why you are sad to hear others talk of having babies. Because it is your time....and your maternal instinct is prodding you. Talk to your husband. Having to waith the 9 months of pregnancy is a long enough wait!!!

Good luck.

Answer 8

You are still very young ( not too young) but if you want a baby then get started it may take you 6 months to a year to even get pregnant. If you start now and you get pregnant immediately then that will be fine too you will have 9 months to prepare. Also if you get lucky and get pregnant right away then the baby will be due before summer. Being pregnant in the winter is better than summer trust me. Get on it buy some sexy lingerie and seduce your husband when he gets home.

Answer 9

I think a majority of women go through that stage. I applaud you for being married, getting your education and financial status in gear. You should be proud of yourself. I married at 25, got pregnant with twins at 26 and I am still working on my college degree. You are still young and you have all the time in the world to have children. Get off of the depress train and give yourself a pat on the back for waiting like you did.

Answer 10

Yes, I just lost my baby at 5 months pregnant due to a umbilical cord accident(wrapped around her neck 3 times) I had to be induced at 20 weeks b/c she had been dead for 4 days. A slap in the face the next day I see Anna Nicole smith pregnant, Brittney spears due the same day as me, and I just don't get it but then I think god had a bigger and better purpose for Ella than her on earth with me, We are heartbroken yes, but not bitter because you just can't be that way as hard as it may be to not feel that way. You have to happy for all even the ones who seem unworthy, God has a purpose for all he does, and I'm sure he has a wonderful one for you too, just give it some time and try to be happy , I know it's hard
Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers