If there is cheating going on,is there a reason behind why it happened?

Question

My sister cheated on her boyfriend of 8yrs. Well...he finally found out & now they can't seem to get past it. She talks to people(friends,family,etc.)about the situation & almost everyone says that there must have been something lacking in her relationship, or there must have been something she was getting from the other person that her boyfriend wasn't giving to her in order for her to feel the need to go to someone else. Anytime she defends her acts with that reason, her boyfriend just says that is a b.s excuse to f... around on him & treat him like he is her toy. He frequently uses the analogy..it's like having a toy,playing with it when you want, & then putting it back on the shelf when you don't feel like playing with it anymore. I have no idea what to tell her when she asks me what I think about the whole thing. I don't know. My guess is that there had to be something missing there for her to be wanting or needing attention from someone else. What do you think?

Answer 1

if she is the one that cheated, then she is the one with the problem,,,and that is no way to solve any problem that a couple may have...... There is NO excuse for cheating. And what ever the "issue, is or was" it is not the boyfriends fault.... the fault always lies with the cheater. She should have been more of an adult, and either worked the issue out or left the relationship.

Answer 2

While what she's been told could be true, there is a lot of info she's not getting. One thing is that she could be lacking in morals/loyalty, etc. She could be having a "7 year itch" where something new looked more exciting and some people get too lazy to spice up what they have. Telling her boyfriend that is like kicking him in the ribs when he's been shot and I seriously wonder about her lack of self-conscience. If she's blaming him for the affair SHE had, then she seriously needs a reality check. SHE chose to sleep with someone else. SHE chose to BETRAY the person she was committed to. SHE chose to NOT put into her relationship what she put into a new one, no matter how fleeting it was. SHE has chosen to put salt in a wound by blaming the BF when it is HER fault and HER responsibility that she made the wrong decisions. If there WAS something lacking in their relationship, then she should have ended it or talked to her boyfriend about fixing that problem. What she CHOSE to do is HER fault, ONLY her fault, and she is doing EVERYTHING WRONG to fix it. By blaming others instead of taking responsibility for her actions, she obviously isn't mature enough for THAT relationship or ANY OTHER. Until she "fixes" her own shortcomings, nothing her BF does is going to matter. The relationship is doomed (if it's not irreparably damaged by her callousness with regards to the pain she's inflicted) by her lack of caring, her selfish attitude, her laziness, her playing the "blame game" and her betraying nature. I'm sorry if that's harsh, but she's apparently getting some really biased advice and until she wakes up, this is what she will do every time she gets bored or in a rut in a relationship and will make her a very unhappy woman for a very long time.

Answer 3

Men take being deceived very hard. They are very possessive of their mate. Knowing another guy has used your female is like someone tasting your dinner. It may still be good but the value of it has dropped drastically. Do not try and make an excuse for her. She had an obligation to tell the boyfriend if he was not getting something right ,not trying to find an excuse. They may as well split up because he will never trust her again and going on is just a waste.

Answer 4

Based on my own experience, yes, there probably was something lacking in your sisters relationship with her bf. That having been said, she took the easy way out, by finding someone else to fill that void, rather than sitting down with bf, discussing her needs like an adult, and working on the relationship that she had. She decided that her needs were more important than her relationship of 8 years, and she basically flushed it down the toilet, because she was horny, or whatever. Very selfish and immature behavior on your sisters part. She has no defense.

Answer 5

No matter what her reasons were for cheating, she should not have cheated. If she wasn't happy, then she should have just ended the relationship or talked to him about it.
I am on her boyfriends side. Sounds like she wants sympathy and ways to justify her actions and the truth is...there are none.

Answer 6

There are many reasons......

-boredom
-fed up already with the same man
-ego boosted by someone else's interest in you
-variety or just for a change
-greed......the more the merrier
-boyfriend not giving you as much attention as the new one
-more intimacy given by the other one.

Answer 7

I think for the most part women cheat because there is something missing unlike men who cheat just because they think its their god given right. You should tell him the same. You should tell him to evaluate himself and see what happened. Dont get me wrong, your sister was wrong for cheating but there probably was a reason.

Answer 8

Cheating doesn't happen unless people make it happen. They can use every excuse they want but it happens because they made it happen. People lack alot of things but that doesn't mean they all resort to cheating.

Answer 9

well yeah she must have had a reason

you are not going to jump off a 90 story building for no reason

Answer 10

yes everything happens 4 a reason