Ho do you recover from a broken heart when the guy is still a major part of your life and will always be?

Question

My ex-common-law husband left around christmas, telling me that there were many reasons and that we could still be friends. I loved this man with all my heart, I trusted him even though I have been hurt before, I believed in him and now he tells me that he had been thinking about it for 9 months. I guess I just dont understand. I feel like its my fault and that if I just change this or that, then it will be all better, but since he left he has started drinking and doing drugs and generally messing up his life. I dont want to be in love with this man anymore, yet I cant seem to snap out of it. Please help, I dont want this to be the example my kids follow.

Answer 1

You need counseling and help to get past his and move on with your life. You may also want to cut all ties with him unless you have kids with him and if they are his kids then only see him when he has to see the kids and nothing more. You need to move on with your life and get past this.

Answer 2

To be honest with you I'm glad that he left you, simple fact is that you don't need that kind of man in your life. He was wasting your time while he was with you. I agree with Bag Lady some men feel that they're in a bad relationship it's better than being alone. But in this case your ex left something very special in his life, to go and live life without that support. If he ever comes back to you tell him to get lost because he chose drugs and alcohol over you and that shouldn't have been in the list of options. He should have stayed with you considering you were there for him with open arms. Don't let him bring you down. He's not worth it, trust me i learned that the hard way as well. My grandmother always told me that there is a special someone of there for everyone and they will come around when the time is right, sometimes you have to go out and find them as well. Move on to a newer and better man. Life is just way too short to just let someone ruin it for you and let it waste away. Live life to the fullest and enjoy it.

Answer 3

you have to try to meet a man that can take his place if you don't wanna be alone...or get out with your friends and have some fun. i have an ex of 17 years that is experimenting with drugs and alcohol now...after he just turned 33 and should be responsible ...we just got divorced last year and he has gone wild . If you have kids with this man then you have to be extra careful in the choices you make in life...obviously they can not depend on dad so now you are all they have!! if you go back to him he will bring you down. you need to find the strength to get past this. find a friend and keep talking bout how you are feeling..talking is great therapy. good luck and just do the best you can! You will be fine. you are much stronger than you think you are!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

you know very well that its not your fault and you can't change and shouldn't change this or that, you should be with someone who loves you for who you are. why does he have to be a major part of your life? even if you have kids together there are ways to not see him and you certainly don't have to spend time with him and thats what you need to do. anything else is like someone on a diet baking chocolate cake everyday and not being able to eat it, you are just going to keep hurting yourself. his life is his and if he's drinking and doing drugs think hard about exposing your kids to him at all, but in reality its his life and his problem. you need to move on, go out, do fun things don't keep sitting there dwelling on the past, its over you can't change it, the only thing you have any influence on is yourself and what you decide to do about feeling bad..sometimes you just have to pick yourself up by your boot straps and force yourself to have fun for a while, sooner or later you'll discover you really can enjoy life. do things you love, music, books, shopping, take a class, volunteer (putting your energy into helping other people, or dogs if you prefer them, can be a great way to get over your own troubles) good luck you can do it.

Answer 5

It's very hard to move on...You take a deep breath and look around you...You still have yourself and your life.. Find you something to work for an go for it...Spend more time with the kids..Go out and meet new poeple...Things like this helps one's heart heal...but you will never get over the person that you love with all your heart..Wish you the best!!

Answer 6

The best thing to do is completely separate yourself from this person, that way those feelings have TIME to heal. If there are kids involved, find ways to exchange them without meeting. If your relationship is meant to be, he will see this and come back...sometimes we just all need a break from reality.

Answer 7

First, it's good to see you admit that you choose to be in love and not have to be in love. Second, the drinking and the drugs is bad mojo. For your sake and safety, keep distance. He needs help first and foremost. What happens after is another thing for another time.

Answer 8

Well you know very well its not u! And u cant change for him! Go to counseling and get out and do things you enjoy.I would move too! The hurt will go away and there is light at the end.Love will find a way how does tht song go??????????

Answer 9

So snap out of it. He is of no use to you or your children anymore....he's a drug addict and alcoholic etc. Let him go. As much as it is a waste and you still love him, think of your own welfare. He is no good for you.

Answer 10

is this man the father of your kids? if so get togther (your kids, your ex-husband, and you) and just talk. ask the kids about their opinoin, they may know more about this sort of thing than you think. you have friends right? talk to them. mom? dad? them too. and last of all, talk to your husband and figure out why he divorsed From His Lips. you can still be more than friends but less than married people.