Separated from spouse for quite a few months now after another infidelity but have kept in touch bc of our child. Now that I have begun the divorce papers, he is telling me how depressed he is w/o me and will do anything to make it work. He wants to go counseling and get remarried and start out new and despite the fact that i still care for him since he has been part of my life for so many years (7), I have been seeing someone else who treats me the way he shouldve in the first place. I just have the issue of whether or not I should believe him and if he is sincere would it be best for my daughter or will this be like the last time where he swore to change and the abuse and cheating continued? I mean I was finally beginning to move on from this whole ordeal and now that he has sprung this upon me, I dont know what to do and I really dont want to hurt either party in this and especially my child. Any inside advice would be greatly appreciated because I dont know what to do anymore...
2006-06-19 08:27:12 · 9 answers · asked by sicofitall325 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Baby girl I've been in your shoes and been a counselor all my life. Move on from the ex. He made the choices that brought this on himself and he needs to live with the consequences of his actions. His punching bag is gone. He needs to grow up. Your child will be better not seeing the violence and the infidelity, which is not normal behavior. If your new man is a good one go to couples counseling before you get married. You have issues from the last time that will haunt you if you don't. Please get your child into a counselor too. Kids know much more than society gives them credit for. You can contact me any time if yu need to. This is what I do for a living. Please take care of yourself and know there are people out there who don't cheat and abuse. It is hard to find them when you have been in that cycle. Good for you that you are wondering about the new guy!!! It's called cycles. Get to know and recognize them, please. I'm here if you need me. Nana
2006-06-19 08:42:32 · answer #1 · answered by nanawnuts 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'll give you some non-angry divorcee advice.
Explain to your ex that you are glad to hear he has decided to make some changes and that should make his next partner very happy. I do not agree with once a cheater always a cheater. He may be very sincere about wanting you back. I would proceed with your new beau and do what makes you happy, not what will make him happy. Life is too short to try and make things work on your own. You do not know for sure that things will work out with your current guy either. Tell your exe that if things do not work out with this guy you might give him the opportunity to start over. But really start over. Make him ask you on dates, pamper with gifts, pay for stuff. The whole courtship whooing faze again. Good luck. Your child will not be happy watching their dad treat their mom like crap just because mom wants them to be a family. Live and learn, we all make the decision we think is best at that point in our lives and only after time do we sometimes realize we could have done things differently. It is called learning experiences.
2006-06-19 08:56:47 · answer #2 · answered by unclejesse1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will know the tree by the fruit it produces...
He needs to get counseling by himself. He's the one with the problems. After he's worked on them (issues) and you see he is producing a different fruit from before, then you can (if you are still available) see a councilor (one of both of your choosing) together. By him saying he wants to get help and change...he's still trying to control you and your actions. That's what abusers and liars do. They do what they do because that's who they are.
Because you have decided to move, he sees you are serious. If you go back at this point, he will act different for a little while and then things will go back to the way they were.
If you have found someone that loves and treats you like lady you are, why would you want to go back to the way things were? The best predictor for future behavior is past behavior. ((Not that he can't change...but it's difficult)).
Looks like it might be time to move on. Don't forget to give yourself time to heal. You and your child will greatly benefit from this...and so will your new partner.
Grace to you and God Bless...
2006-06-19 08:31:18 · answer #3 · answered by Salvation is a gift, Eph 2:8-9 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he abuses you then you shouldnt go back. why would you want to give this man a second chance when he hurt you. you cant change a man that chets and abuses someone. you can get back with him. you have already moved on why would you want to take a step back and go back yo that. no , you have already done the right thing by leaving but you will be doing the wrong thing by having any thing to do with this guy relationship wise. dont let him do this to you again, he will you cant stop acheater, you cant stop an abuser. you just cant, he wont change and you know it. i wish you all the luck in the world.
2006-06-19 08:48:51 · answer #4 · answered by Christina 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you were doing great before he began trying (and successfully) manipulating you. Has he done anything to show that he is trying to change? Is he in counseling? Has he shown any affection and interest in you before you began divorce proceedings? If you think he has changed and you want to be with him, then take it slow and go to counseling with him. If you just feel guilted into being with him, then shove him to the curve. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!!!
ALso when making your decision, think about your daughter. Remember your daughter will learn from your decisions. Just something to keep in mind.
2006-06-19 08:40:51 · answer #5 · answered by married2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to counseling with him and seek the help to save the marriage. If after that things do not change and he continues to be unfaithful then divorce him . Give him a change though and see if this works.
2006-06-19 09:16:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They don't say "Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater" for nothing. Been there and done that - got the protective order to prove it. He wants you back because he can't have you. When he has you, he doesn't want you. You're better off without him. You know how you SHOULD be treated, you have a man to do that... so what do you need HIM for?
2006-06-19 08:40:05 · answer #7 · answered by tinydancer42001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
think of your self as a yo-yo and your ex as somebody controlling the yo-yo. you're unexpectedly up close to to her, and then she throws you back off to the floor to visual reveal unit you spin around. Your ex has you on a rollarcoaster which you could bail out on. i comprehend it truly is tough considering the fact which you had pictured a life with this female yet she left you, you the two are with somebody else, and your ex is basically too busy taking part in which contain your thoughts than truly sorting herself out. If she did miss you and he or she needed to be back with you, she could take it slow. She's no longer. in case you have been to come back at the same time, she could ultimately flow away back with the aid of fact she nonetheless won't be able to make up her suggestions approximately what she needs. on your guy or woman sanity and emotional well being - tell her to flow away you on my own! you'll be acquaintances back years from now once you're no longer nonetheless reeling from the wreck up. i think of you like it slow to your self (being single) yet this is so which you will settle on. basically boot your ex thoroughly out of your life and your social circle formerly she leeches any further emotional capacity from you!
2016-10-31 03:31:52 · answer #8 · answered by filonuk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HONEY, HE AINT THE EX FOR NO REASON AT ALL. KEEP HIM THE EX. YOUR DOING FINE SO WHY GO BACKWARDS?
2006-06-19 08:32:56 · answer #9 · answered by chevy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋