I think my bf is gay?

Question

he told me when he used to live in marthas vineyard he was the only straight guy living a house with all gay guys... he had alot of female friends when i met him and i shooed them off but he said they some were people he dated and it was just hard to meet any male friends around here because theyre all working and busy with their families... and when we go out it seems that alot of gay guys check him out... hes even admitted that!! one time i we were sitting at the bar and we met the owner and I THINK I saw him looking down at his package? and 90% of the time I have to initiate sex.

he was married for 11 years before too...

he said a priest abused him when he was like nine.. and i think sometimes people kinda become gay after that kinda trauma.. iunno why but ive heard it several times

he says he wants me to initiate sex because it boosts his ego

ive asked him... he says no... but sometimes when describing someone to me MALE he first say "very handsome man, tall, attractive etc" does it with women too but not as much

HE SAYS GUYS CHECKING HIM OUT IS FLATTERING AND MAKES HIM SMILE

Answer 1

Dear corndog, I think your boyfriend is not gay, but you may be a little insecure in your relationship. And perhaps, you may think a little too straight (pun intended) about matters of sexuality. Just because a man loves women. it doesn't mean he cannot be tickled when gay boys check him out! Why not? Gay men have extremely good taste in men and are - as opposed to many women - showing their interest more openly. It can indeed be a great boost to one's ego to receive a few appreciative looks from handsome men.

I can relate to his problems making guy friends; I myself have had problems in connecting to a lot of very guy-guy kinda men. Sorry, but drinking Bud light and watching football games, slapping each other on the back and making sexually connoted jokes is not exactly my kind of thing. And so, I myself also have lots of female friends. I also have numerous gay friends, and unfortunately have been thought to be gay by many women... Their concerns were similar to yours.

Hanging out with people who are not playing by the gender rules our mainstream society wants to hold up (and which, by the way, is less and less mainstream!) is not making you change your sexual preferences. Otherwise, why did gay people not turn straight when hanging out with all the straight people before they come out? It may, however, make him more sensitive to other aspects in life, such as developing an eye for clothes and taking more care of his appearance. Probably, those were even things you found attractive about him in the first place...

And finally, I think that it shows your man to be at ease with his way of looking at men when he can actually state without envy that this or that guy is attractive. Just relax and don't view it as code for "I want this guy to !@#$!# the living daylights out of me..." All he is saying is that he can look at a man and find him attractive. it's a long way from there to fantasizing about having sex with the guy. If you are concerned that he harbors sexual interests in men, ask him. There is rarely such a thing as hetero- or homosexuality; we all are somewhere on a continuum in between, and perhaps your boyfriend has some bi-sexual tendencies. But that doesn't mean he will drop you for another guy. If that's your worry, how would that differ from being worried about him dropping you for another woman?

Don't worry too much, or else you are creating a problem where there is none. Good luck.

Answer 2

Well this is quite difficult. You seem to have a great deal of suspicion but no real proof. Asking is probably out of the question if you're asking here. Although my first inclination would be to have a discussion about sexuality. Find out if he's had relations with the same sex. Find out if when he's being checked out by Gay guys if it's a turn on to him. Be careful how you approach this... if he's not he might be upset you thought he was. If he is.. well he's going to come out. The question is when you have sex, does it seem like he's not "into it"? If you have this many doubts, you might want to take a direct approach and ask. Is it better to know or not know? Although, I wouldn't take the looking at his package incident for much... most guys like looking, unless he was aroused...Hope things turn out ok...good luck

Answer 3

Sounds like he could be a closet gay. He probably isn't comfortable with his sexuality and feels he needs to live a straight life. Now the question is can you still accept him and love him for who he is or do you need more in a relationship?

Answer 4

I have male friends who have gay friends. I don't think that's it. He's been very upfront with you about his friends and what he's been doing and he is probably doing that because he knows his situation isn't one that you see everyday. He wants you to be okay with it because I'm sure there are girls out there who haven't been.

Answer 5

Dude sounds gay! I think he is going through an identy crisis. Probably has a homophobic father.

Answer 6

Well your thought about this guy might be true but girl u need to think twice. Quit if you don't believe that he loves you that much. But if he does, then there's a way to change him.

Answer 7

He don't sound like he gay, he is just one of those kind of guys that like to look at all people.But if you not sure just keep a eye on him.

Answer 8

hmm you could be right, seems your instinct is the best . If you can talk to his ex wife ask her. Ask him straight up if he has gay tendencies. Best to know now .Then again you could be all wrong.

Answer 9

Sounds like you got a silly BF. Good luck with that.

Answer 10

SOUNDS LIKE HE IS NOT GAY...IT LOOKS AS IF HE MUST BE ATTRACTIVE AND GUYS PICK UP ON HIM....UNLESS HE IS LATENT HOMOSEXUAL...THINK OF IT THIS WAY HE WOULD BE YOUR FRIEND FOREVER NO COMPETITION WITH THE FEMALES...STOP LOOKING FOR PROBLEMS....