divorce or not???

Question

My husband and I have been together 10 years and are not getting along real great. We have three kids and at this point they are the only keeping us together. I know that I love him, I am just not In-love. We have gone threw some major problems in the past. He has stopped taking his depression meds. It has gotten to were i can hardly stand to be around. What should I do? I feel like I am just going threw the motions. is the grass greener on the other side?

Answer 1

Go to counseling and see if it is possible to work it out. If not, file for a divorce.

Answer 2

If there is still a hint of love left try to salvage it because its not greener on the other side. Trust me i've been there and managed to save a 17 year mariage. 1- see if the doc can give him something else. 2- take some time for you and him no kids. 3- do some adventurous stuff with your hubby. take up a sport you might both like and try trust me it makes real good convgersation pieces. I know its hard I feel for you because Ive been there it does take time but at least if and when you give up you can say you tried everything possible. Another thing is really spice it up in the bedroom be very adventurous do some fantasy stuff you would both like that helps to. As for the kids kids are kids and we love them all but you both need some quality time alone. Hope this helps chin up because it aint always greener on the other side and the reason I say it its because when kids are involved he will still always be somewhere near.

Answer 3

The grass is NOT guaranteed 2 b greener. U would b starting all over again, and you have 2 b prepared 4 anything! Try and work it out like u have b4. 10yrs is a long time. Talk 2gether about this and the sooner the better. And does his DR approve of stopping his medds? Depression is a dangerous condition as u well know. The both of you must decide what exactly LOVE is defined as between each other. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Hi!
I know this is hard. I have been married 13 years, and have the same problem. I to have 3 children and feel that we are in a lull period. More brother and sister then husband and wife. I do love him, as you love yours, but because I think I have to, or should because I am his wife. Sometimes I make myself believe that, and sometimes I do believe it. You are in such a similar situation emotionally, but there are times, I look at mine and think WOW, I know why I am here with him, not physically, but more a concious love feeling, and other times, I wonder what the hell I am doing here, besides the kids ofcourse. I do not leave out of fear of the unknown, what will poeple think, what will they say, what about the kids, will their grades in school decline, then all that what if stuff, gets to much, and I never say or do anything.
If I could tell someone else what to do, then I should be able to do it, so I am not telling you what to do.....I am only here to tell you, you are NOT alone! Its everywhere, and sadly enough, some of these marraiges need to be stroked and saved, and some really dont. How do we know if ours is a good one.......is he a good Dad? Why did you fall in love with him? does he still do that to you? I mean, make you smile for no reason,etc. If their is a tiny bit of something there, it can start a whole new fire in you.....but if you cannot start a fire, then it may be time to throw away the matches....if you need to chat, Im here, as usual, being a MOM! I have IM, same name!
Good Luck!!! and if anything, I am glad to know I am NOT alone also!

Answer 5

You should go to a therapist together. If you've already tried that, try again, because some therapists aren't very good (need therapy themselves). If you feel that you've exausted the therapy route, then try taking some time off/apart; that might give each of you the opportunity to see that you want to still be together and give it another try. Of course, it might also make you realize that you want to move on. Explain this to the children: Sometimes adults don't get along as well as they'd like to, and that their parents are going through this right now. Explain that it has nothing to do with them, and that both of you love them very much. My ex-wife and I did this and ultimately decided that it was in everyones best interest to move on. We had grown apart, had different goals in life, and if it weren't for the kids it might have been an easy decision. We were married almost 14 years, but the home life was fractured, and it had an impact on the children. We didn't want them to have to live with us as we were, and the only way we were going to change in a positive healthy way was apart. We have now been apart for a number of months, and the children are doing well. We share them, and they seem to be happy and content. There is less friction around them and a better environment for them to grow up in. It was an extremely difficult decision to make, but for us, I believe, the right one. After being together for many years, we often take the other for granted and/or fall into mutually destructive patterns, and for lack of options just accept this as the way of life. It doesn't have to be this way, but it's like the old commercial; you can pay me now or pay me later. Paying now is the right answer, now the choice is whether to make the marriage work or move on. Either will require a lot of effort and energy. Best wishes.

Answer 6

Ten years is a commitment especially since you both had 3 children together. They are all so young and I know how much care and attention they need. Go out together just the two of you. Get to know each other again the way it was when you dated and fell in love. Most couples get in a rut after the 7 year itch period. Tell each other your feelings and try to capture that moment in time when you didn't want to live without the other another minute. Get him on the meds for sure. This will affect your children. They pick up everey look, sigh, glance and hear it all. Lots of luck. Dress up a bit and smile. Feel better.

Answer 7

The grass isn't usually greener on the other side. The depression meds probably aren't helping him - if anything, they are worsening his condition and making him more dependent on them. Buy the book "Things they Don't want you to know about" by Kevin Trudeau - he can make changes to his diet and it might really affect his mood for the positive. Beyond that - you guys have weathered a lot of storms together - don't give up now when he needs you the most. Be there for them even tho it is hard. Perhaps seeing your love and commitment, will recharge you both.

Answer 8

You think the grass is greener until you get over there and find it is growing over a leaky septic tank! Don't look at it like that. Divorce may be inevitable. Don't stay together only for the kids or you will make it miserable for them. I feel that you should file for divorce only after you have exhausted every last option. Love him but not in-love with him? You have heard that so many times you actually think that. That is so untrue. You love him and you always will. You married the man, had children, and spent 10 yrs. of your life with him but for your on piece of mind you cannot live beside him unless things change. Its called sacrifice. maybe a drastic move on your part may straighten him up and help the situation, if not, you free yourself of the turmoil.

Answer 9

Why not try a trial separation? I wouldn't want to suggest divorce as you've been together for 10 years so there must have been something special between you at some point. Concentrate on trying to get that back, remembering why you fell in love in the first place.

Obviously if that doesn't work and you really don't want to be with him, divorce is the next step. In my opinion, staying together for the children is more detrimental to everyone, especially the kids, than divorce could ever be.

But at the end of the day, you know what's best, you know what you want to do deep down.

Answer 10

There is a saying that goes you never get away...you just get somewhere else. So in my opinion the grass so to speak isn't necessarily greener. Maybe to begin with, but it won't stay that way. Nothing does.

It seems complicated and there are many questions I would like to know the answers to...like what type of problems and how old your children are.

Based on the information you provided I would say that if he is not abusing you physically or mentally and if you feel that you have nothing to loose PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN.

Tell him that you have had thoughts of leaving him. You are miserable but, you are willing to give it another shot IF he takes his medication again. You have nothing to loose by doing this and everything to gain. Divorce is always a last ditch resort.

Answer 11

The answer is no. And yes, the grass is usually greener on the other side, the question is whether you can stay on the side you are on and water it so that it matches up. Marriage is not meant to be taken lightly and with 10 years I think you know that. Try to remember what brought you together 10 years ago and think on these things, I guarantee that can bring you back to place where you can honestly say love is what you have for your husband. Be his helpmate, be his partner, and most importantly pray! Prayer changes things, it can change him and it can change you. Are you ready? I sure am praying you are! Best wishes!