I have been married for 9 years and my husband still keeps promising he will change, sometimes i want to believe what he says but is hard. He might change for a while but I'm afraid of dissapointment again.
2006-06-19 07:02:44 · 13 answers · asked by latina lover 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh, honey, I was married for 17 years before I figured out he wasn't going to change. It's really not fair for us to expect them to. He may really care for you and he's just incapable of changing. Maybe he has an addiction he can't kick. Or he may be narcissistic (lots of good info about that on the web - see reference) Bottom line - you can only change yourself. If you've done all you can do, then maybe it's time to find a partner who's a better match for you.
2006-06-19 07:39:34 · answer #1 · answered by redskinscheer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first off the question you gave is not clear enough.
From what I am gathering you both have been together and married for 9 years, so obviously he does love you and is not playing games with your head. I had to learn the hard way and just keep hoping and praying that my ex (as you see not together) would change. You can not change anyone they have to want to change themselves. And if they don't then that is there choice. If you continue to force someone to change then they will back away from you and the relationship. If your not happy with him not changing then you must be the one to do some changing.
What do you have to be disappointed about as the other answer stated you knew what he was like when you married you take the good with the bad. Just remember your vows you two said in front of each other and friends and family. That is just my opinion. if you want to talk more in detail feel free to email me.
2006-06-19 07:12:55 · answer #2 · answered by cici 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband doesn't have a problem being who he is. People who promise to change say that to pacify the other. They might change for a little while but will go back to being who they are. It's all part of their game. At that rate, you will always be disappointed because you cannot take their word at face value. People like that do care....they care more about themselves and will think of ways to keep pacifying the other.
2006-06-19 07:17:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has been like this for the 9 years of marriage, he will not change. I am thinking about leaving my husband b/c he can not tell the truth and we have only been married for a year. He tells me that he will stop, but never does. Good luck.
2006-06-19 07:06:47 · answer #4 · answered by RainCloud 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if ur not sure, ask him straight on, stop waiting and getting dissapointed every time. & wile ur asking him, dont beat around the bush. tell him that u want to know wether or not he is going 2 change, and if he says maybe, dont believe him. if he says yes and changes for just a little while, uve got problems. if he says no, hes not gunna change, than id get a divorce.
2006-06-19 07:13:24 · answer #5 · answered by duckgirl@sbcglobal.net 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A Leopard cannot change it's spots and you cannot change him for the long term. He know's how to play you and he knows what to say to keep you hoping. You will find, if you haven't already, that the "while" you are talking about will get shorter and shorter.
You cannot change him, you can influence him, but you can't change him. Only he can do that.
2006-06-19 07:09:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Change??? Absolutely never ever expect a man to change for you. If he changes, its cause he wants to, because he sees something he is doing is wrong and becomes more mature about it. If what he is doing such a bad thing, drinking, doing drugs, etc... then you should plan to leave him. Know what I'm saying. If its something dumb, like he doesnt do laundry, doesnt spend enough time with you or whatever, then just accept it.
Its really up to you. But I think you know what you need to do.
2006-06-19 07:08:51 · answer #7 · answered by jeff the drunk 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot expect to change your husband. You knew what you were getting when you married him. Would you allow him to change you? You need to just accept him for who he is, faults and all. Just because he doesn't do everything you want, and still does things you hate does not mean that he doesn't love you. Him changing has nothing to do with it.
2006-06-19 07:06:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry that you're in a situation that you don't like, however why did you marry him if he wasn't what you were looking for? Don't marry somone that you have to change. Just find somone that you're compatable with from the beginning.
2006-06-19 07:17:32 · answer #9 · answered by LOVER VP! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If after nine years, nine years......I dont think hes going to change hun. I have been with mine for ten and trying to get out. He is still the same.
2006-06-19 07:07:18 · answer #10 · answered by Youngstill 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋