I have one son from my ex, and I want to get pregnant again. I'm not married, but I am 34. I can't afford it, but I'm a teacher so job security is not a big issue. I don't have a steady guy, but I could just do my ex and have his child support increased. Serious answers please, what would u do?
And men, what's your opinion of this? I know my ex would jump at a chance to have sex with me and I know he knows I'm not on birth control, should I go for it or would that be a "bad woman thing" to do? I don't want to tell him what I'm planning cause he'll get all into let get back together and I don't want that.
2006-06-19 07:00:51 · 30 answers · asked by letmesurpriseu 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
He'd never be a dad from afar. He's very involved in our first child's life. And would do so with any others he has.
2006-06-19 07:15:07 · update #1
Hello there, As a woman I know how it feels to want to have a child. I am 26 and I have not yet had my first, but I think I'm to the point where i'd like to. In regards to your question, I think your reasoning for wanting another child is ok, but your means to go about getting that child is not. You would be leading your ex down a path and using devious means to gain what you want. Essentially taking advantage of him and only using him for selfish means. A child should not be used as a tool, whether it be an existing child or an unborn one. My advice would be to wait until you meet someone, or tell your ex that you want another kid and go from there. If getting back together is not an option for you then it may be best to just leave that situation alone. Be a good person and good things will come back to you....Thanks.
2006-06-19 07:08:54 · answer #1 · answered by bigjute_2000 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I see some of the logic of having 2 children who are full siblings, with the same father, but the rest of your motivations are purely your own. A child should not be brought into the world to meet your needs, especially when you acknowledge you are not in the position to support it even financially. Every child deserves the chance for both loving parents with them in their home, and while it doesn't always happen, DO NOT do this planfully. No matter how well-off, kind, or supportive you ex is, he will resent this child, and that is a horrible burden for your current and proposed children to bear. How would you feel, knowing all your life, that one parent was fooled into having you and never wanted you around? What sort of rivalry would necessarily be, all of their lives, bewteen the two children, them knowing (and, they WILL know, believe me, the ex or someone WILL tell, then you will need to explain all of that secrecy, as well) that one came planfully within a marriage and one was conceived by fraud? I don't mean to say that your ex may come to love his own child at some point, but resentment WILL be the overriding emotion. To plan to bring a child into the world, knowing this feeling of not belonging or being fully loved, is tantamount to emotional child abuse.
I fully understand the desire to have another child, especially when the first grows not to need you so much, but this is not the time for you or for the child. You are young, and have at least 10 years while you can still have another baby. Absolutely nothing can be lost by waiting, but so very much will be forever spoiled by rushing into this idea that you have.
2006-06-19 14:17:36 · answer #2 · answered by mahleezah 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looks like you've already made it up in your mind what you want to do. However I think your trying for a girl this time. Don't do the ex though. Move forward not backwards. It's like shopping, look for someone intelligent and willing. Yet be careful cause not only your ex is willing to jump at the chance to have sex with you so are a lot of other men. Have you forgotten sex is all a man has to hear and he's on top of it. Take your time sweety and GOD will bless you with what you truely deserve as well as want. Call on him and let him solve this issue for you. When we do things on our own without GOD they don't work out like we want. Pray and let it go. It'll work out in your favor if you put GOD first and let man be man.
2006-06-19 14:09:05 · answer #3 · answered by precious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is ridiculous! You're 34 with this kind of mentality? A child should be conceived out of love and maturity from BOTH parents. Don't just "do" your ex just because.
Also, think about the child that you already have. If you are having money troubles now, it's only going to get worse!
2006-06-19 14:08:19 · answer #4 · answered by Mom of One in Wisconsin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell him what you want. You want another child, and you wouldn't mind if it was from him. Well, he might have a fit with that one because he may not want to pay the higher child support payments. Talk to him first. He justmight be okay with just being a dad from afar. In any event, good luck!
2006-06-19 14:06:13 · answer #5 · answered by knifelvr 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're a teacher, certainly you've seen the impact of children not having steady role models in their lives.
It is highly doubtable that your ex will have sex with you to have a baby, meanwhile, with your plan of taking more money away from him.
My advice...foster to adopt. Or just foster care.
You can receive a monthly subsidy that will help reimburse the costs of care for the little one, and you have the fulfillment of having another child.
Contact your local DHS and see what they have to say.
2006-06-19 14:41:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this a I'm getting old thing that you're going through? What if you meet someone that really likes you and your child and wants to marry you? Wouldn't you want a child for that guy rather than from someone you donot love? All I'm saying is think about what you're doing before you act on it, you may regret it later. Consider the child you want to bring in the world , one day he may ask you where is my father and why does he come around only on weekends . Please think about it before you do something that you'll regret.
2006-06-19 15:37:25 · answer #7 · answered by KK 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you want another kid but cannot afford invetro, tell your ex... you can't just go around main street and jump the first guy you see... this is not the world according to garp... think about the kid for goodness sakes! your only 34... there is plenty of time to find mr. right.... AND WHATEVER YOU DO... DO NOT go after your students... i mean, don;t be insulted... but there seems to be another teacher rape case every week! be a little patient,,, ir adopt... there are millions of kids out there that need a loving home, and some food in their bellies.
2006-06-19 14:07:34 · answer #8 · answered by Max 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your reasons for wanting another child are terrible. How dare you bring a child into this world that you cannot support financially or emotionally? And you're a teacher. You disgust me, seriously.
2006-06-19 14:05:03 · answer #9 · answered by bequalming 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like u got issues u need to go see a shrink and get some hell ppl like u is what screws this world over. try saving up some money finding a guy getting married and than when u have the money than have a kid its not right to suck money from another person just casue u want a kid. u damn welfare bumb
2006-06-19 14:30:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋