How can I get my husband from being so jealous?

Question

whenever I am leaving to go to college he is like be have don't mess with anyone. If I call him while I am at college and he hears a mans voice he is like who was that, are you talking to him. I hardly ever get to go anywhere alone... even in Walmart or another store I can't even look in the direction of a man without him accusing me of something

Answer 1

Your husband has very real insecurity and control issues that you are not going to resolve...your life will be under his control, you will constantly be denying and explaining your every action. He will not trust you no matter what you do. The basis for his feelings may be: 1) he is screwing around on you and thinks you may be doing the same thing..the best defense is an offense 2) he has very low self-esteem and thinks you are looking to do better 3) He is a control freak ....in any event, your life will be miserable. Where were you when you were dating???He hasn't changed one iota, and these same things were going on then...did you think he would change miraculously???? If you ever want peace, HE is the one that must go through some serious changes, and he cannot do it alone...you both need counseling, and he needs real treatment. Without it, your marriage is going to go downhill in a hand basket...Sorry to be so bleak, but you know I am telling you the truth. Good luck to you both...he is miserable in his insecurity, you are miserable in his control.

Answer 2

ok, as a completely reasonable guy... I have to defend guys everywhere. Jealousy is NATURAL. BUT, and there's a but here. Guy's are NOT trying to control you when they're jealous. it only seems that way. What they REALLY want, is for you to look at him, and say aw honey, that's sweet of you. You know you're the only one for me. etc etc... something to calm him down. The most destructive thing you can do is make a man feel like he should be ashamed for feeling insecure. It's very destructive. The correct thing would be to just comfort him. And I promise you, he'll get over his jealousy soon with this. (and I know... girls out there thinking... well he should KNOW i love him and no one else, why else would I stay with him... blah blah... he SHOULD know, but he doesn't and never will till you tell him. So don't be too proud to tell him. PLEASE!!!)

and I mean don't tolerate it??? what is that all about. Would you ever say that about a girl being insecure about her hips? Don't tolerate it, you deserve better! it's not like that. The guy doesn't want to control you, he just treasures you and wants to know that you see how much he loves you, he's scared to lose you. Maybe you should talk to him about that. Not his jealousy. That he's not going to lose you no matter what his fears tell him. And let him be jealous. And explain yourself. And say it's ok you're jealous. I'm gonna go out with my friend and I promise nothing will happen. You're my honeybunney, etc etc. Don't tolerate it... pppbbt! Worst answer ever.

Answer 3

you thought his jealousy was cute and protective in the beginning didn't you? now you are stuck with a monster. first you need to realize that his jealousy is about him NOT you and HE is the one that needs to fix it. there isn't anything you can do because its his problem, the only thing you can do is help him see that its his and that you deserve better and explain that his not trusting you makes you feel like he doesn't believe you to be a good person and that hurts you. make sure he gets control of it, he will probably need some counselling but there are books on the subject that may help. you can never be around enough or careful enough to make him feel better and it will just get worse. don't tolerate it, you deserve better so don't compromise yourself to cater to his insecurities. the more you try to appease this monster the more it will require to appease it, its like an insatiable monster you can never feed it enough to cure it, he has to find the answers in himself.

Answer 4

Just always make him know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is the one for you. Don't let him know it bothers you that he acts like this and he may ease up. Compliment him often, make a big deal about him. If he accuses you of looking at another guy, tell him you were and then say "I was looking at him and thinking to myself how lucky I am to have someone as fine as YOU."

Answer 5

You may be in an abusive relationship if he or she:
Is jealous or possessive toward you.
(Jealousy is the primary symptom of abusive relationships; it is also a core component of Sexual Addictions and Love Addiction.)
Tries to control you by being very bossy or demanding.
Tries to isolate you by demanding you cut off social contacts and friendships.
Is violent and / or loses his or her temper quickly.
Pressures you sexually, demands sexual activities you are not comfortable with.
Abuses drugs or alcohol.
Claims you are responsible for his or her emotional state. (This is a core diagnostic criteria for Codependency.)
Blames you when he or she mistreats you.
Has a history of bad relationships.
Your family and friends have warned you about the person or told you that they are concerned for your safety or emotional well being.
You frequently worry about how he or she will react to things you say or do.
Makes "jokes" that shame, humiliate, demean or embarrass you, weather privately or around family and friends.
Your partner grew up witnessing an abusive parental relationship, and/or was abused as a child.
Your partner "rages" when they feel hurt, shame, fear or loss of control.
Both parties in abusive relationships may develop or progress in drug or alcohol dependence in a (dysfunctional) attempt to cope with the pain.
You leave and then return to your partner repeatedly, against the advice of your friends, family and loved ones.
You have trouble ending the relationship, even though you know inside it's the right thing to do.

Does the person you love...
• constantly keep track of your time?

• act jealous and possessive?

• accuse you of being unfaithful or flirting?

• discourage your relationships with friends and family?

• prevent or discourage you from working, interacting with friends or attending school?

• constantly criticize or belittle you?

• control all finances and force you to account for what you spend? (Reasonable cooperative budgeting excepted.)

• humiliate you in front of others? (Including "jokes" at your expense.)

• destroy or take your personal property or sentimental items?

• have affairs?

• threaten to hurt you, your children or pets? Threaten to use a weapon?

• push, hit, slap, punch, kick, or bite you or your children?

• force you to have sex against your will, or demand sexual acts you are uncomfortable with?

if one of those you above, you are in a abusive relationship. so please get help.

Answer 6

when is he jealous? You should put more information in the question. If he is jealous after you appear to be flirting with the check out boy.....you may need to change. Or if he gets jealous after he finds some guys phone number on your cell.....what circumstances lead him to get jealous. If I know that I could better answer your question.

Answer 7

Tell him you don't like the color green and he better not ever show up again wearing it. You do not hesitate to throw green and anyone wearing it right out of your front door and he's no exception to this. You don't have the time or room for any "green" in your life.

Answer 8

Good luck i am in the same boat, babe! nothin i do ever makes him want to trust me.......i have never cheated but he still accuses me after 7 years also my hubby has panic attacks i think that intencifies his worries.......maybe you could get him to agree to counsoling, if he will actully go it might help. i just wanted to tell you you are not alone.

Answer 9

Get it on with another girl right in front of him. He will forgive you for all the money you put on his credit card last month (oh- and he'll almost forget about his friend that you slept with).

Answer 10

Just honor and love him and do not do things to make him feel insecure or jealous. Why is he so jealous and insecure. We need more details here.