I am having marital, and financial problems. My husband won't listen to my suggestions. What to do?

Question

We had a happy marraige, until my husband decides that instead, of putting more money in the bank we should take separate bills, and do away with our joint account. I even found out that he had been cheating on me. When I caught him, he stopped seeing the other woman, but we still have not been able to work together with our bills and money. Sometimes when we argue he brings up divorce. I don't want a divorce, and wish that he would see things differently. Should I persue divorce, or keep trying? We have been to marraige couseling, and plan to continue, however the center is closed right now. We should be going back soon, it seems to have helped a little, but I don't know if he will continue to go. Yet, we still can't see eye to eye when it comes to money, and spending time together, because he keeps up the same patterns. I don't know what to do anymore. Is there a chance in my marriage?

Answer 1

He had a good thing going for him and he ruined it. Now he'd rather argue about it compared to fixing the problems. Sorry, but he lost his mind somewhere down the road and at this rate, it doesn't look like he's going to find it anytime soon. He's too concentrated to keep adding problems with no desire to fix them. That should be a real eye opener about this man.

Answer 2

First you need to truly figure out what YOU want. Then you start going about getting what you want by sharing with you husband what you want and then YOU live YOUR life like you are getting what you want. If your husband is not fine with that don't let it bother you because it is YOUR life and if your husband is not there to help you get what you want (happy marriage, life and everything else) do what you need to do get that.
Also, you are never going to be able to really change your man. The best you can do is say what YOU want and he decides if he is willing to make the compromises needed to stay in the marriage. I will give you this advice about dealing with men. There are 4 areas that men are sensitive about and I call them the 4 Ps.
Prowess. The ability to be better than others and desirable. This affects all men. Men usually need to be a Chieftain especially if they feel undervalued by other and mostly with themselves. They have something to prove.
Provide. No matter how liberated women are, most men will always feel the need to provide. They need to know that what they provide is more than adequate and makes them worthy.
Procreate. This one women can understand but it also makes a man feel worthy when his genetic material continues on (as well as his name.)
Protect. The other have of Provide that no matter what women think, it still falls on the man to accomplish this.
These are the four areas you should never attack on a man. I am not saying you should never question or talk about these things, just know you have to tread carefully here.

Answer 3

Yeah.. you either have to settle for second best here or get a divorce. What are you thinking? Honestly, why would you stay with someone that broke the very vows that are supposed to be ingrained in the marriage? Additionally, something is going on with the finances...you should be weary. Question everything. I would also recommend monitoring the communications traffic to see if he screws around on you again....which he probably will. I mean, why wouldn't he? He knows your not going to leave him. Have some self respect here. Seek some counsel with him in marrital counseling but find someone that you can meet alone and work out some of these issues.

Answer 4

call his bluff, he seperated your money in the first place so it would be harder for you to catch him cheating...if he immediately leaps to talk of divorce (which he does because he knows you dont want one) call him on it, tell him this needs to be straightened out that he screwed stuff up and you are sick of living in limbo and this is how you want things to be, when he screams divorce just say you know i think you are right, if my opinion doesn't count this isn't a marriage anyway. if its something you haven't said before maybe he'll be kicked in the pants enough to realize that you are serious. basically though you need to put your foot down, right now he sees you as someone he can walk on and who he has all the power over because he knows you want the relationship seemingly more than he does, and he's abusing that. what alot of men discover after playing this game is that the wife moves on and does great and he regrets what he lost for years to come. you need to ask yourself if this is really worth having the way it is and if the answer is no or is prefaced by IF it changes then you need to think about the possibility that you may need to get out of this. time is the only thing you can never get back, once its gone its gone. good luck to you!

Answer 5

About 2 months or so before he decided to do away with the joint account something monumental happened between the two of you. Something that you have either chosen to ignore or you try to sweep under the rug. I'm thinking it was an issue of trust.

Things like these tend to build up and spoil so the relationship so that in time you find yourself in a position where you wonder how the hell things got so bad.

You might need to go back in time and face your demons. If you can't then there might be hope left in hypno therapy where you can both try to forget about it and pray that it never re-surfaces.

Answer 6

it sounds like he really does not want 2 be there n is only staying 4 u.is that the kind of relationship u want.if you cannot work 2gether then u really do not have much of a relationship,n if he cheated once the chances r very high he will do it again.it sounds like u r beating a dead horse dear and although u do not want a divorce maybe u should let him get one if that is what he wants.one person cannot hold a marriage 2gether.

Answer 7

girl here is my advice and is a good one....all the signs are there this man is going or planning to dump you that is why he dont want to be financially attached to you..... while his dumbass make his mind up you better open up your own bank account one he doesnt know about so when he called it quits you have a little something to start with,.if he is been a real asshole pay you just pay for the things that have to do with you like your cable or phone let him pay for some bills too dont pay for everything because this dude is leaving wheter you want or not you might is well be ready.... cant you see it???? if i was you i take charge of my life i will worried about my money my things....the hell with his.
if you dont do anything else i have said please considered making that extra bank account do not let him know about it....and if you guys are married and have kids take him to court.dont let him play you like that show him you are a strong woman dont crumble in front of him.good luck

Answer 8

Honestly, I think your marriage ended when he cheated on you. Seems he is already starting to separate from you with the separate accounts as well. I don't think you should waste any more time with him. He doesn't seem to know what he wants or how to be in a commited relationship. You can deal with your heartbreak now or you can deal with your heartbreak later. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

There may be a chance for your marriage here. Seek counseling and help and see if he is open to going with you. Definitley go back to marriage counseling with him. Keep trying. You may need to separate for a while though to work on things.
http://www.marriagetoday.org I am here if you need to talk as well. I will be praying for you and for this marriage.

Answer 10

You may want to try couples counseling but the cheating part I mean to me it looks like he's doing all this seperate stuff to prepare himself for a seperate life wothout you. They say cheaters sometimes cheat b/c they are lacking something at home so that's something for you to look at.