Ok I'm not christian so I don't plan on dumping my mother for my wife. I love my mother and will always be there for her. But I also love my wife and would like to have a good marriage. So whats the best way to get the two most important women in my life to get along and have a good relationship.
2006-06-19 04:05:59 · 35 answers · asked by SSc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You must take your wife's side!!!
Your mother will be there no matter what and the sooner she learns that you are a man and you have a woman the sonner she will start respecting your wife... Your mother must know that hurting your wife hurts you...
2006-06-19 04:09:07 · answer #1 · answered by Aleksey T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They either will get along or they will not-you can't make people like each other. If there is no chemistry there the most important thing is to make sure when there is an issue that you take a side. For example if your mom says something mean to your wife, you should defend your wife and tell your mom she is wrong and that you will not stand for such talk. And vice versa. Be a stand up guy. If you hem and haw both women will try to convince you why you should eliminate the other from your life and you don't want to end up on the Dr. Phil show. Hopefully, they will like/love each other because they have you in common.
2006-06-19 04:13:50 · answer #2 · answered by lala 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Understand that it is a territorial issue. Both women are playing tug of war and you are the rope. You will need to set boundaries with both women. It will be difficult because you love them both. I am the wife in your exact situation and I decided to be the bigger person and not make my husband choose. Your mother is your mother. End of story. Christian or not. I am an ordained minister and the Bible says Honor your mother and your father that your days may be long. Your wife should not make you choose. However if you are loving your wife and kind to her when your mother is not around its not an issue. Be attentive and affectionate to your wife when mom is not around and then when mother is around wife will be more secure in the marriage relationship. Take mom out to dinner alone once in awhile maybe once a month and let the wife know that this is necessary to make mom more comfortable and secure with you being married. This will lesson tension between mother and wife.
2006-06-19 04:19:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are limited in what you can do to have them get along. In the end, it is something that they will have to figure out for themselves.
My advise, however, if you want to have a successful marriage is to side with your wife while respecting your mother. Showing respect to your mother should demonstrate to your wife how you intend to treat her, with the same respect.
Stay out of arguments or dsputes between these two women as much as possible. Sometimes, however, it is not possible. In those cases I suggest that you side with your wife. Your mother's job is to raise her son so that they are successful (many definitions there), functional adults and then to let them go. This last part is the hardest for most mothers. I know that you are not a Christian so you'll have to find your own guideline. In the Christian faith, however, it says that a man shall leave his mother and cling to his wife. Do you think that this is a coincedence? I don't.
You have committed in your wedding vows to love your wife and be with her until death. Let your yes be yes, honor your word and your commitments. Someday even your children, hopefully, will leave you to go on to have successful, productive and meaningful lives. But, hopefully again, you and your wife will continue on with each other.
Keep your eye on this goal It can be a very helpful tool in knowing what to do and to keep your own sanity while all those around you are loosing theirs.
2006-06-19 04:29:32 · answer #4 · answered by Bud 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being Christian DOESN'T mean having to dump your mother for your wife.
You don't say exactly what their problem with each other is, but it sounds as if they are both trying to pull you in their direction, away from the other. That doesn't have to be. The best way to get them to get along is sit them down TOGETHER and talk to them both. Tell them both exactly how you feel. Tell them you love them both, and you need both of them in your life. They both have important roles in your life. Both roles are equally important but different. Tell them that it is up to them to get along because you aren't going to be in the middle any longer. Your mother should be mature enough to be able to accept this, and so should your wife. They are both going to have to make an effort, and tell them if they love you, they will try.
2006-06-19 04:27:45 · answer #5 · answered by kj 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The number one thing that you don't want to do is this...when you and your wife fight, DO NOT tell your mother. You will get over it, but your mother will remember it. Always keep your relationship with your wife seperate from you mother. She doesn't need to know y'alls business, ever. Also, don't play up your wife so much that your wife cannot live up to those expectations. Mothers are always extremely critical of their children's spouses. But it is possible to have everyone get along and even love each other.
2006-06-19 04:13:26 · answer #6 · answered by Good Gushy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Umm i don't think christians dump their mother for their wife anyway. But I do think you could try to work things out between the two of them. Maybe agree to disagree and move on from whatever the problem is. I would think if that doesn't work then maybe they just shouldn't say too much to each other and just be nice when they do come in contact.
2006-06-19 04:08:28 · answer #7 · answered by ncc742 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that your wife should make the first move with your help. Its not matter of choice coz a wife is a wife and a mother is a mother. Good communication is the key and try to live away from your mother's house and be independent. I am very close to my in laws and it is a very nice feeling.
2006-06-19 04:16:00 · answer #8 · answered by Summer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The marriage union did start as a Christian thing, so your wife should come first. It doesn't mean that you wont care for your mom, or even come to her defense in time of need. If your mom loves you, and your wife as well, then they should understand the importance and role of one another in your life. It wont always be peaches and cream, because most of us argue from time to time with our parents, not to mention in laws! All-in-all, they should get along famously all for the common bond.....YOU!!
2006-06-19 04:15:57 · answer #9 · answered by mommy3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should make their roles very clear. You can love both and respect both without conflict. You need to make sure one isnt trying to do the job of the other. Is your mom overbearing? If so, You may need to ask your father what he did in this situation. Then remind your mom that your grandmother invaded her marriage. Ask your wife to have extreme patience and show her your appreciation when you know she is controlling her temper. Ask your wife to ask your mother for advice on cooking your favorite dish or something. Your wife will have to carry the majority of frustration. Make sure you thank her.
It happens in many marriages(if not all, to some extent).
2006-06-19 04:12:24 · answer #10 · answered by kat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have a 3-some
2016-03-26 21:32:46 · answer #11 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋