My husband is distant and unaffectionate. We have been married 12 years and he refuses to change or go to counseling. We seperated once and he promised to changed but in the 2 years we have been back together he has not kept his word. I'm 36 and tired of living alone with someone. I want to be loved.
2006-06-19 04:03:41 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, YOU deserve to be loved. I would never tell you to stay for the children. How could that be good for them to live in a home where the two people they are supposed to count on, cant count on each other. Children have the ability to learn to cope with and make the most of what they are given. Give them a loving home where thay feel safe and they will be fine. If possible...I would say to come to terms with your husband before this goes to court, it will much easier for everyone all around if you can seperrate on good terms. He knows he hasnt changed, and he knows he isnt going to. He is holding out for you to just accept things the way they are. Go ahead, talk to him without fighting about it, let him know that some things just cant be bargained and your not happy. He broke the deal when he didnt hold up his end of the deal. Good luck, and be happy. Not only for yourself...butfor your kids too. You may find they are happier too when they are living in a happy environment.
2006-06-19 04:17:08 · answer #1 · answered by lisa46151 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No...that isn't beneficial to the children at all. Kids are very perceptive, they know when something is wrong with Mom & Dad. The last thing they need to learn is that even if you are miserable in your marriage you need to suck it up and pretend things are okay...but the kids see no affection or love between the parents so they think this is what relationships are like. What do you suppose they'll do when they are old enough to have relationships, if a loveless one is what they had as a guide growing up? Better they see their parents apart and happy, and know they (the kids) are still loved, than to live in a tense and unhappy home, thinking this is what life is supposed to be like.
2016-05-20 02:17:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same situation. I have done counseling twice. But in the end, my wife always reverts back to the non-affectionate person she is. It's their personality and they won't change. The longer you wait to decide, the more time you will waste. Don't stay for the kids, you will grow old and unhappy.
Find what makes you happy and go for it. But, I would suggest, to hold off on that someone else until you are out of your current relationship. Also, don't leave because of this other person. Leave for yourself and your children. And be prepared to be able to make yourself happy on your own.
2006-06-19 06:07:33 · answer #3 · answered by wn_all 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to focus on your marriage and seek marital counseling and help with your husband for this. If there is no hope of reconciliation then separate and if all else fails then divorce. Do not stay with him just for the kids ... This is the wrong reason to want to stay. You dont need to be with the other person however until after the divorce is final.
2006-06-19 04:59:43 · answer #4 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
staying for the children is wrong ....they can feel the unhappeness i am sure....kids need a happy place to live.....so i am thinking that maybe u should go out on your own with the children and see where the other relationship goes....just be happy for the kids sake!!!! good luck!!! :)
2006-06-19 04:15:45 · answer #5 · answered by islandergirl_111 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can say this, happiness is a very strong key to marrigae, and if your not happy then the people around you cannot be happy, and this true, maybe he is ashamed thatrt if he leaves he is failing you guys, but the best thing to do is talk to him about, tell him one more time what you need and expect from then you will have your answer to your question, everyone must see your happoiness and maybe it is time to go who knows at this point, but if both are unhappy dont stqay for the kids as they are the only ones to suffer from this whole ordeal anyway. Divorce is optional one way or another, yes he loves you and you love him but not enough to make you guys work on the marriage any more than yall have in the past. Staying these days for kids IS SO SO So wrong on the parents part, becuase we know that we are unhappy and are teaching our children that is ok to live like this, what about there relationships as they grow and come to for advice, how can you help them if you were never able to help youself out of sticky situations, i know its tough but do deep down what you think is right, and if i must say this things for you guys probably have not been right since yall have been back together now am I right???? If nothing else maybe yall can seperate and go yalls seperates ways after all these years together and ens things peacefully for you guys sake, love is the hardest thng i ever had to deal with in life, its easy to love our children as mothers becuaze that comes naturally to us, yes we get aggraveted and tired and worn out, but our love the children goes way out and beyond more than anyone can understand, and my point to this is that we get very tired of sharing, GIVING, our love when we get nothing back to show for our gratfulness to the family, it is only right that you feel cared for, loved, repected, because we need this from our partners, it is part of our human lives, yes we need this to make our lives go around each day, and you ask is thtat to much to ask for HELL NO GIRL, we deserve itwe need this from ouir spouses just to know that we are thought of, cared for, repected, all these thiungs matter to us and when it comes to man some dont show any of these qualiuties to us becuase they dont kniow how to love , if that were the case you would know that he just doesnt know how to show you his love, but you know deep down if your loved or not, all i can say is this, follow your heart, look deep deep deep down the surface and just simply make sure your 100% postive this is the best answer for you, and then move on if you half to but we do all need to be loved and someone out there is waiting for you to to love and repect and shre things with, and for you to share these same feelings with, ghood luck and if you wanna talk please feel to email me whenever you want i am on all the time, cqueen742003@yahoo.com good luck and best wishes to you and your family
2006-06-19 04:34:19 · answer #6 · answered by prettygirl new orleans 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We are only here for a short time and you shouldnt spend it unhappily if it can be helped. The children will be happier if you are happy, trust me its time to move on and live your life in a happy relationship.
2006-06-19 04:27:20 · answer #7 · answered by arreis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then leave him. Find someone else. 36 is still very young, you have a whole life in front of you. Your children will respect you for it.
2006-06-19 05:32:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you r miserable so r kids....fix it...the best way u know how ....dig deep everything you need is inside your mind and heart....
2006-06-19 09:33:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋