i just got a new job and i made friend with a male colleague. at first he was onto me like being flirtatious. told him i was not caught out for such. now we are good friends and he tells me about his marital life. i told my husband about him and he got upset. he even came to my office to spy on me and found me talking to him at the cafeteria. i hate what he has done. we have been married for 4 years and has never cheated on me. how do i punish him
2006-06-19 04:03:32 · 6 answers · asked by minny 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, I agree with your husband. Your guy friend is stepping waaaay over the boundaries of friendship. WHY would you want to encourage a "friendship" with someone who obviously doesn't respect your marriage? He openly flirted with you in the beginning. How are you good friends??? By listening to him talk about his married life. Let me guess, he loves his wife, but their marriage has changed and his wife neglects him and they don't talk and they never have sex anymore etc.... It's so obvious what he's doing and you'd better open your eyes. He's sucking you in and you don't even see it. Normally I'd say it's ok to have a male friend, but he's not a friend!!!! He's manipulating you and you're falling for it. BEWARE of him.
If you're determined to be "friends" with him, lay down very firm ground rules. The first and most important rule, no discussion of maritial problems. If he has problems in his marriage tell him to talk to his mother/male friends/counselor, but not you. Also, talk to your husband to help establish other rules to define the friendship. It'll help ease his concerns.
2006-06-19 05:12:44 · answer #1 · answered by married2004 3 · 10⤊ 1⤋
This isn't a case where you need to punish him, this is a case where you need to communicate with him and explain how his not trusting you is hurting you. It is normal for him to be jealous and concerned, especially after the guy flirted with you early on. I know that you have become good friends with this guy but you shouldn't entirely trust him because a married guy who flirts early on is probably hoping for something more in the long run with you than being just friends. Still, that is for you to deal with and not for your husband to go around spying on you.
2006-06-19 11:11:44 · answer #2 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't punish your hubby. Instead, tell him again that nothing is going on with this colleague of yours and set up a night where the 2 of you go out with your friend and his wife. Once hubby sees there's nothing to worry about, I'm sure he'll stop being so paranoid. Good luck!
2006-06-19 11:07:11 · answer #3 · answered by SuperJenn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not punish him you should respect him and abide by his wishes and have him get to know the guy with you so that he can be friends with him too. Maybe you and your husband can be friends with him and his wife.
2006-06-19 11:55:50 · answer #4 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So basically what your saying is that you wouldn't have a problem with your husband having a female friend at work that has flirted with him at some point ?
2006-06-19 11:10:23 · answer #5 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you dont punish him. you respect him, otherwise you are putting yr new friendship ahead of yr marriage. that won't lead anywhere good, believe me.
2006-06-19 11:13:49 · answer #6 · answered by Daniel T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋