how do i tell my boyfriend that i'm pregnant if i know he doesnt want a child?

Question

last year i had a abortion after my boyfriend insisted i do because we couldnt afford it and we certainly cant now . He wasnt happy about the pregnancy but i wanted to have the baby. we started figthing alot about the subject and i then decided to have the abortion because i didnt want to raise my baby alone. i'm pregnant again and scared to tell him, i will never have another abortion in my life, its hurt me too much,but what do i do?

Answer 1

tell him face to face. If he did not want kids, he should've used protection, and if you want the child, you can do it on your own. It'll be hard, but you can do it.

Answer 2

I got pregnant when I was 17 and chose to deliver that child even though my fiance had asked me to have an abortion. I don't believe in abortions. The further I got along in my pregnancy, the less angry he was. He eventually got to feel the baby kick. When I finally had her,he would not stop holding her. She's 2 years old now and now has a baby sister. Both were concieved on birth control. Both are daddy's girls. We were far from being financially stable both times when I got pregnant. It's you decision not your boyfriend's. You can have this baby and raise on your own or you can give it up for adoption. Abortion is out of the question since it obviously affected you the last time. They have many programs out there to help you. You can go to your local welfare office and get the medical card if you dont have insurance. You can get wic to help with formula. We used wic when both our kids were on formula and I only had to pay for about 1 can a month out of my own pocket. Most liekly, you have family that will help. We didnt have to buy any of our more pricely baby items like the crib, carseat, stroller, etc. I can say it's hard with a baby but it's not too hard. Once the baby is born they're not as expensive as everyone says. If you or your boyfriend are unable to get medical insurance on the child, you can get the medical card for him or her and you wont have to worry about paying doctor bills.

Just tell your boyfriend that you absolutely do NOT want another abortion. This baby is a blessing because a lot of people are unable to concieve after having just one abortion. Congratulations and good luck

Answer 3

i Could lecture you about contraception and learning your lesson from The last time but it would not help you at this time. You have already made your mind up you want this baby so your bf either goes with it or you will have to go it alone. Going it alone is not so frightening as it sounds. Millions of women do it. Get support from family and Friends. You are not alone. Once your bf has found out about the pregnancy he may try and force you into another abortion. Be strong. 8 years ago I was pregnant and my bf did not want the baby either but I stood strong and had the baby 7 months into the pregnancy my bf left me saying he did not want to be a father. I then had my daughter and within 3 months my bf was back and we have been together ever since. I wish you good luck in whatever you decide.

Answer 4

Natasha you are a human being and you are so right to never have another abortion. I was where you are many many years ago. I have always thought how I would have done things differently looking back. Thanks for the opportunity to provide this advice to someone whom it may help: YOU CAN MAKE IT AND BE AN EXCELLENT SINGLE MOM! Obviously, God intends you to be a Mamma right now. Now is not the time for judgement. Rest assured and rejoice that you have a little one growing inside of you, girl!! It is a blessing. Someone around you will be so happy to know. Your boyfriend needs to get to stepping. DO NOT GIVE YOUR BABY his last name as you would then never have your child's same last name: that is a horrible mistake you can avoid. HOWEVER: try to get him to sign the birth certificate and immediately TRY to get child suport. NO NOT TO BE A GOLD DIGGER, but because it is the right thing to do or at least make an effort FOR THE CHILD. There is help for you financially (http://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/) and thank God the government can pay for pre-natal care and care for your child when he or she arrives. Better days are ahead. Help is out there but most of all it lives within YOU. Never be sorry. Just look for love and enjoy acceptance where you find it. Trust me it will be so worth it when you are 4-5 months and you feel that baby kick you, then a year later when he or she kisses you. Money won't matter. You seem like you have a good heart. Your hard work and God will provide the rest. Trust me. I'm so so so blessed in everyway now.

Answer 5

I don't know all of your particulars but it seems as if you need to start living more responsibly. Why weren't you using birth control, to prevent pregnancy in both instances? Why would you stay with someone who does not want you to be allowed to take part in the decision making process concerning whether or not YOU have an abortion? It is understandable that you would be afraid to tell him that you are pregnant again - as he has been very consistent throughout this relationship. I am not defending him - he continues to have a sexual relationship with someone, without the benefit of birth control, yet feels that abortion is OK for you, after the baby has been conceived. This guy is a real piece of crap and your life would probably be much, much improved if you lost this loser.

Make some arrangements, or at least start planning the process of living on your own. You have to know whether or not you can rely on family and friends until you are able to establish living arrangements for yourself and your baby. But please, this baby inside you needs to be raised by a grown up! Start living responsibly - start being conscious to your actions. If you are having unprotected sex with someone, pregnancy and STD's are a possibility - which should not be a news flash to you anymore. Take measures to avoid these possibilities.

I wish you well - I would not bother with the boyfriend anymore, unless you pursue legal action to force him to provide financial assistance for after the baby is born - he is liable and his wages can be garnished so that some portion of his income can be sent to you to help you raise the child. Be done with him, as he sounds way to selfish to build a life around.

Answer 6

Well here is the thing. You guys know what it takes to make a baby and you know how to prevent it. No birth control is 100% guaranteed effective only one thing is and that is abstinence. Now this is the second time that you guys have had this happen.
It is your body.
You made choices and now you have to deal with them.
Tell him soon. I know it is scary but it is not something that you can hide forever and the sooner you tell him the better.
Then I would seriously consider seeking help on your own and raising the child on your own.
Raising a child alone is not fun or easy. But it is not nearly as bad as raising a child with someone you are not happy with. And trust me I know from experience if you keep the baby and he does not like your decision that is something he will hold against you forever. My ex holds it against me six years later.
Of course he might change his mind once the baby is here but why put yourself through that? Get out on your own get some help and leave the door open in case he does change.
You can do it!!!
Good luck!

Answer 7

Abortion is not the answer, there are so many people on a waiting list for babies, they will be placed right away. Just tell him. You can't hide this forever. I would just let him know how you feel. If you want to keep it say look I am keeping the baby, where there is a will there is a way. If you want adoption, tell him look I am carrying the baby (we owe it to the baby) and then tell him you will put it up for adoption. If he insists on abortion, just tell him NO and why should the baby be punished because of being irresponsible? It is not the babies fault. Good Luck!


dp

Answer 8

I'm so glad that you've decided to let your baby live. You will never regret it. First of all, I suggest that you visit a pregnancy care center in your community. You can find one by going to this website: http://www.optionline.org/advantage.asp They can give you all kinds of free help, including free maternity and baby supplies and referrals for financial and medical assistance. Plus, they can give you the support you need and counsel you on how best to tell your boyfriend about your pregnancy.

Secondly, I recommend that you go through the free post-abortion counseling program available at http://www.healinghearts.org If you deal with the issues in your past, it will help you be a better mommy in the future.

Thirdly, I recommend that you thoroughly educate yourself on abortion and prenatal development so that you will be able to explain to your boyfriend why you should not abort this baby. He should know, for example, that at just three weeks after conception his son or daughter's heart is already beating! Here are some sites that will give you the information you need:

http://www.justthefacts.org
http://Abort73.com

Best wishes to you and your little one.

Answer 9

Natasha, I know exactly what you are going through and it's not easy. I've been in this situation myself quite recently, only it was my husband that I had to tell. Yes, you and I should have been careful, but then again, our men should have been responsible too. So that should shut all do-gooders up out there - we know, ok? You don't state what ages you and your boyfriend are, but I'm guessing that you're fairly young. I told my husband that having an abortion was definitely not an option and we made a decision to separate for a few days. A lot of hurtful words were flung, mainly in my direction and we were both emotional wrecks.. Now I don't want to make you throw up (anymore than what you're probably going through right now!) but because our love for each other is very deep, we made it through those difficult days and are now the very proud parents of a beautiful baby son; it turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to us after 13 years together. What I'm getting at Natasha, is that you and your boyfriend will each feel differently about this baby; your job now, both of you, is to sit down, calmly, and talk this through. You yourself, cannot afford to get upset, as yours and baby's health are really important. Your fella is understandably going to be really cross about this, so let him say his piece, letting him know that you will have your say too. Do you have a good friend or understanding relative that you could maybe stay with for a few days? If yes, then give yourselves some space, calm down and then agree to meet up for further talking. If, after this, he still doesn't want to stick around and share this situation with you, then let him go. As other people have said on this, there ARE people and places that you can got to and get practical help and advice. Hopefully, you have a loving family that you can rely on for love and support. I really hope, that your man will come round and be a part of this pregnancy, what you shouldn't do, is push him into it. Concentrate on taking care of you and baby, Natasha, the future will take care of itself. Lots of love and luck x

Answer 10

Just tell him, there is no easy way especially cause you know beforehand what his reacton is going to be. You never know what way he is going to react and he might surprise you.

At the end of the day it takes two to tango and you didn't make this baby on your own he shouldn't have sex if he doesn't want children there is always a risk no matter how careful you are.

Dont let him force you into anything if you want his baby they tell him and stick to it, you are abviously are still hurting from the last child dont do that to yourself again, you'll always find a way to afford a child you'll love it so much and it will bring you so much joy.

If he goes because of the baby your better off without him cause he abviously doesn't love you if he can walk out on you and his baby.
Good Luck, remember make your own choice

Answer 11

Well, I am a guy and I have to say if you feel this way and he doesnt understand, its time to say goodbye to him. Tell him to say goodbye to his paycheck too. He is responible for that child if he wants one or not. If he really didnt want one he should have used a condom or gotton a vasectomy. You need to tell him and tell him that an abortion is out of the question. If he leaves then he leaves. I have seen guys like that get real pissed off when they hear the news then when the baby is born, they turn into superdad. Maybe he will maybe he wont. You need to remember it doesnt take him to make a good home for the baby. The baby just needs a parent that loves him/her. If you have any family they will step in and help. Dont worry about your boyfriend. He is the last thing you need to worry about! Good luck and congratulations!