My wife and I separated for 2 months. We continued to talk everyday because we have a son. Well, she wanted to reconcile about 1 month ago, so I did...for the sake of my son, and I do still love her. She is in the military and she had several affairs and refused to have anything to do with me sexually. I had to beg her for any type of intimacy. Since we are back together, everything has been great. My son is so happy. Can I trust her? Is she faking this, because she is in financial dispair? My family is totally against this reunion.....but I have to do what is best for my son because she is in the military and I don't want him to loose a parent. What is your advice?
2006-06-19 01:19:06 · 11 answers · asked by tcnb1234 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well first of all don't stay just for your child. You evidently love her or you wouldn't want this to work. But does she love you the same way. I lost someone I love dearly because of staying for the child and in the long run the child knows there is something wrong it can't be helped they can just sense it. If she has had several affairs there is something missing in your relationship or she wouldn't be looking elsewhere. But when you are so lonely and dissatisfied with your relationship you are so vulnerable to the situation. Please be careful and don't get hurt. If I had it to do over I would have left and not stayed.
2006-06-19 02:33:59 · answer #1 · answered by T B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in a hard position. I think that cheaters should get what they deserve. (Sorrow and misery) If you choose to accept what she has done and work through it, you are a very special person and hopefully she will realize that. However, I have to wonder what she was looking for elsewhere that she wasn't getting from you. Cheating is not a cause, but an effect. It is a symptom that something is wrong in the relationship. It is hard to live without getting what you need from your relationship and when someone comes along who offers that attention, affection, love, or maybe just sex that is missing, it can be very, very hard to say no. It is wonderful that you love your child enough to put him first, but you also absolutely must think of your own heart. Your emotional well-being is equally important to your child. Honestly, I would have to say that right now she is "faking" as you put it, for whatever reasons she has, because the problems that lead to affairs do NOT go away that quickly. You should do what your instinct tells you to do. Don't follow your heart; the heart is a treacherous thing. If you stay with her, you must get outside help to reopen your communication and then be willing to accept and face (and repair) what ever she says she isn't happy with. It will be a lot of hard work. Also, trust must be rebuilt with time. Don't give it freely as she has not earned it back yet. She certainly has no right to ask for it, much less expect it. That comes on your terms. Good Luck.
2006-06-19 08:36:49 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married to a soldier in the Army. Our divorce was finalized last month. I can tell u from personal experience, that ur relationship is over. Most ppl who r enlisted, do cheat, and continue on with their ways. If I could turn back time, I would have left him years ago. You are aware of filing"adultery"charges against her? The military has a law against that! It is called sec18 I believe...call ur jag office, and talk 2 them.
2006-06-19 08:33:49 · answer #3 · answered by May-May`s mommy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never use a child as an excuse to be with someone. It doesn't work. I receommend NEVER trying to make it work because you have a child. Having a child didn't prevent the problems you endured in the first place did it? If you can be with a woman who had multiple affairs and if you don't mind running the risk that she may do so over and over and over again...fine stay with her. BUT stay with her for those reasons..NOT because of your child. It is because of your child that your decision should be is this the type of household that I want my child to be raised in. Parents can be parents to a child, even if they do not live together. G'luck!
2006-06-19 08:25:36 · answer #4 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay with her for now. But don't trust her. But best bet is to leave her if she really had a affair. Happies for you is what is inportant. Your son will still be around and you can be friends with your wife too.
2006-06-19 08:29:36 · answer #5 · answered by James H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The whole situiation sounds pretty shady to me. If she has cheated on you that much the odds are stacked against you. If things are good now let it ride for a while, but the first sign of it falling apart I'd leave.
2006-06-19 08:31:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to her and ask her about this and tell her how you feel and why. If you want to reunite that is fine but seek counseling and help when you do. Then go from there.
2006-06-19 11:07:04 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes,sometimes we have to make a sacrifice by forgetting ourselves for the sake of our child/children.but you also need to learn to trust your wife again,who knows maybe she has turned over a new leaf,so to speak.give her another chance.God bless your marriage.
2006-06-19 08:31:06 · answer #8 · answered by tere 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
once a cheat always a cheat...you will never be able to trust her again unless she rebuilds that trust...believe me it is a long process...and sometimes...you just can't get it back...there is nothing worse than a marriage that is not built on trust...if you don't have that...you don't have anything...best of luck!!!
2006-06-19 08:37:52 · answer #9 · answered by countrygirlcansurvive 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a loveless marriage is just as bad for a child as no marriage at all
2006-06-19 08:29:11 · answer #10 · answered by t_ibrahim 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋