How do I get over my jealousy?

Question

Just curious as to what I could do to help me not to think about my husbands past? The story is I met my husband when I was 16 he was 18, he was my first, whereas he has had other sexual partners, I cant help but get jealous of this, I often think about him with those other girls one of whom I know. They have no significance in our lives today but still its hard. we have been together for 5yrs, married for two, he is the love of my life, we have two kids together, I just cant seem to shake this off, what can I do???????

He totally loves me he remembered me a year b4 we met, im his queen the most important thing in his life, I totally trust him, he's wonderful

Answer 1

Use your jealousy to your own advantage. Jealousy can be a very powerful motivator. When I feel jealous, I sit down and do some serious soul searching. What exactly are you jealous of? Do you think your husband had some kind of hot sex with these women that he doesn't with you? Spice it up and wow him like never before, so you KNOW you're the best he's ever had. Or, are you jealous because you feel like he got to have experiences you didn't get to have? Sneak some sexy romance novels or even porn into your private routine, and you'll have a steamy separate sex life, too. Are you just jealous simply because your husband was ever interested in these girls? Picture where they are today. Would you trade places with these girls? Make up scenes in your mind of your husband dumping them and breaking their hearts to be with you. Every time you get the jealousy bug, replay these daydreams in your mind. Think word for word what he says to them. Now, get this - your fantasies are true!! He's with you. He broke it off with them. It may not have gone down exactly as you daydream it did, but same effect. Replay your wedding videos and look at photos. Still not convinced he's one hundred percent yours? Take a peek at your children.

Answer 2

Pull yourself together! This is a mind over matter deal. You either have the choice to let this eat you alive, or forget about it and move on. Every time the thought enters your mind, stop the thought immediately! There is nothing you can do about the past. realize what you have and be grateful you have a healthy relationship. If you let this go on it will turn into an obsession and make you bitter. There's no reason for it. Look at some of these questions and the problems people have in their marriages. Don't become one of them. Good luck!

Answer 3

Relax girl. The key word here is past. From the sounds of it, these past relations don't mean anything to your husband nowadays. I'm in the exact same position as you, except me and my bf aren't married yet. I'm 22 and still a virgin, whereas he lost his at 11 and has had many other women till he met me. He still has interactions with probably most of these girls, he's still in high school and is 17, but I know that he cares only for me now and that's all that matters.

Answer 4

You can't live in the past, move on. It sounds like you have a wonderful life, concentrate on that. Unfortunately what is done is done and you can't change what has already occurred. He has a family now. With a family comes responsibility, commitment, trust and maturity. Unless he has done something to make you not trust him now, let the past go. Think of him as two people; the one he is now, and the one he was then. The one he is now is not the same person that was with other women. The man he is now has only been with you.

Answer 5

Do you want to know why the answers to this question are odd (if they are)? We all know that YOUR JEALOUSY is something that only YOU can overcome, (if you should)....It's a very distructive and ugly thing to bring into a relationship. Maybe if the thoughts are affecting your life, you should talk to a therapist?

At the same time, many of us ladies think where there is smoke there may be some fire! and there may be some value to our feelings and/or premonitions (female intuition). While we want you to be cured of the jealousy (oh it's such a miserable feeling), we don't want to give you bad advice...if he is cheating... we want to feed him to the aligators.

Has he given you any reason to suspect that he has been less than faithful to you since you married him? Some men like to keep their women stirred up, some men think it's a real pain in the butt! If you love him and really think you can trust him, don't make him miserable with things like accusations or however your jealousy manifests itself! If you all are not in contact with the girls he used to see BEFORE you were married, then I sure would not dwell on them! He chose you, don't you believe that you could be the one he really loves?

You may need to work on your own self-esteem, do all you can to keep the home fires burning bright and hot! (and keep the romance new and interesting) if you have put on weight, it may help you to try to tone up a bit, and give him some spice in the romance department, so things don't go stale or get too routine....I know this may be tough to do with 2 kids in the house. Actually if you eat reasonably healthy foods, the kids, house work and maybe a daily walk will be great exercise for you! A daily walk is also good for the kids too, just remember that kids and adults should ALL use sun screen and wear a hat if you are walking where it's sunny! Check with your local parks dept. to see if there are "Mommy and me" times at your local community pool, the pool can be good exercise and great fun for you and your children. Toning up your weight does not have to be torture, you have 2 kids who can learn and benefit from the physical activities too!

I have given you the best advice I can think of. You sound insecure, and while I want to tell you that you are silly and you should let all of the past go, maybe you have a valid reason to feel the way you do. I would let the far past go, and change my focus to being the best lady (wife) and mother that a man could ever want! How could he resist loving you and his life if you are the best you can be?! No woman is super woman, so don't put so much into your days that you are worn out when your husband comes home. Put some surprises in your lives, and keep things interesting for both of you!

I hope that he would be smart enough to leave his past in the past. Unless you want to be miserable, then you will leave his past there too, and work towards the present and your future with this man that you love and want to trust.

Good luck! Wish I knew a better way to answer you. Jealousy is like a slow and painful poison in a relationship. You did not miss anything for saving yourself for marriage, and he must have felt that you were superior to any other women he knew, he married YOU!

Change your focus sweetie, you are the mother of his babies, and you are worthy of his love and complete loyalties, now you have to believe that, for you (and for your marriage and everyone's sanity)...Once again, good luck!

Answer 6

You have got to focus on the future, not the past.
Obssessing over things that happened years ago will only drive you nuts.
If you trust him then nothing should matter.
When you start to think of those things redirect your mind to what is going on now and what you two will share in the future.
You have him, 2 beautiful children and a whole lifetime to share together. That is something no ther girl from the past can compaire.

Answer 7

Looking at it from the other side of the table, u have to remember, he chose u and not those others to marry for life! If u cant shake it then u need to look into counseling. That might sound harsh, but it might work too. I was in the same boat as ur hubby but my hubby knows that I chose him over all of the other guys that I was with. Try talking w/ ur hubby and let him know ur concerns and find out how he feels about ur side of the story. Not talking to him can also hurt ur marriage. Best of luck in whatever u do.

Answer 8

You need to let it go, you have to accept that everyone has a past. You won, he married you, don't push away this wonderful man by getting concerned about what he was doing when he was a teenager. I would love to be where you are, don't lose it.

Answer 9

What else do you want, you already have the man. Be your age and stop putting unnecessary pressure on yourself. You are the winner don't you realize that?

Answer 10

u shld let go of d past & burry it...
u need 2 teach urself 2 trust him & then u'l stop feeling jealous..