After not having sex for 17 months, we tried last weekend. After she cried and got really emotional and told me she can't do it anymore. When I asked why, she finaly told me the next day she felt dirty. I know she loves me very much, but not having sex, or being able to hold, and touch each other is killing me. I feel now as if i raped her.
Why does she feel dirty and how can I change this?
2006-06-18 21:03:00 · 9 answers · asked by MR71 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would suggest seeing a counselor. It sounds like something may have happened to your wife in the past. If you two really love each other, you should be able to work through this. Talk to your wife about what exactly she is feeling and tell her that you want her to be happy. Maybe you'll have to take things one step at a time again, but the most important thing is that you both are communicating and comfortable with what is going on.
Good luck!
2006-06-18 21:09:49 · answer #1 · answered by Julie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There has to be a reason she feels this way. Why does she feel dirty? Is this all you ever want from her is just sex or has she been abused in the past? Sex should not be making her feel dirty. Have you ever been unfaithful to her or do you look at porn or other women at all? She has to have a reason why she feels this way. I would like to know more about this and her side of this story. She sounds like i used to feel. I was raped and molested as a child and my first husband was very controlling and mean and i could never enjoy sex with him at all. After many years later and healing inside now sex does not make me feel dirty and i enjoy it with my spouse today. She may need counseling for this feeling and if she needs to talk I am here for her and for you. You cannot change how she feels until you know why she feels this way. Just love her where she is at and spend time with her doing fun and neat things and dont let it lead to sex. You may also need marriage counseling too.
2006-06-19 00:39:25 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like something may have happened in her past to make her feel that sex is dirty. Was she sexually abused in any way? Find out if she was and if she'll talk to you about it. You are an incredibly patient person, I can't think of any other men that would wait that long!! As far as I can tell, you haven't done anything wrong, it just sounds like she needs some help. Ask her why she feels dirty. I still think it must go back to some kind of abuse or a rape...She may need counseling to work it out in her own mind before she can be intimate with you.
2006-06-18 21:10:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like something deep and heavy that she is dealing with. Talk to her. Ask her why she feels that way. It's possible she has a negative view of sex from her upbringing or she could have been sexually abused or perhaps she's confused about her sexuality. It's even possible that sex is painful or she simply doesn't like sex. This is probably not something you can change. She can change this by dealing with whatever is causing her to feel that way. If you care about her be supportive so that she will feel comfortable opening up to you. Good luck.
2006-06-18 21:11:30 · answer #4 · answered by Clayton B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she may not want to have sex anymore she may want to wait for marriage and stop giving it away to a man who isnt her husband and or she may have been raped before and you were not made aware. And your sex maybe selfish and not giving but just taking her in a way where the sex is just sex. She may be cheating on you and feel dirty for sleeping with more than one guy at a time. It may be one or all of these things I named.
2006-06-18 21:09:13 · answer #5 · answered by Justin D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its hard without knowing her exact details of her past but i am involved in double degree in phsycology and this is the exact emotions that a woman who has been sexually abused as a child shows or one whom has been raped,this is something where she would need professional help perhaps you could ease your way into a conversation about if she has ever been abused and reassure her that you would never hurt her but once a woman has been abused it is a ohsycological thing that is very hard to get rid of
2006-06-18 21:10:39 · answer #6 · answered by treatau 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be from past abuse or a strict religious upbringing. Don't pressure her and seek counseling.
2006-06-18 21:38:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it may not have anything to do with you. if you care about her just let her do her own thing and just be there for her
2006-06-18 21:11:02 · answer #8 · answered by roseanne g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she has had something bad happen in her past that is still bothering her ?
2006-06-18 22:08:39 · answer #9 · answered by the_silverfoxx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋