2006-06-18 20:15:51 · 14 answers · asked by sabsmot7 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think so, does it matter anyway as long as it makes you feel better!
2006-06-18 20:17:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is a mistake. You are comparing two things that have no relationship to each other.
Think about the circumstances under which you knew your first love. It was not after the years of grind of a marriage.
You knew him when you were young and full of spirit. You knew him as maybe just your boyfriend and the two of you shared the same kind of daydreamy ideas about true love, happily ever after etc. etc. etc.
I am sure that at some point you shared these same ideas with your husband.
Marriage and life are not about these kinds of ideas. They are about raising children, eating, creating a kind of legacy for yourself in your family, etc. etc. etc. Modern culture has glorified a kind of lofty puppy love that one may encounter in movies today as well as in romantic poems of the 18th century, bards songs of the middle ages, etc. etc. etc.
When you are young you are full of these kinds of ideas, but when you get married and settle into a steady job, and just progress through life it is a shocking thing to realize that all of your fancy emotions were just nonsense.
This creates tension in the mind and soul and leads to the kinds of expressions of frustration and anger that you are running into with your husband.
You should realize that your husband also probably has in mind some kind of first love or girl he had a crush on when he was in high school. He very well has some kind of frustration with you that makes him think this daydream person would have made him happier. Which is the same fallacy. That girl he had a crush on would have become you, in a sense, after he married her. By that I mean, the woman to whom he had been married for years rather than the girl whom he daydreamed about.
Your first love would have been your ordinary old husband eventually if you had married him. Marrying your daydream shatters your daydream. You daydreaminess was the problem in the first place.
You both need to come to grips with reality, if you are able.
You should get together with your husband and ask him point blank if he is disappointed with you, if he is experiencing frustrations about some other person he remembers, if he regrets having married you etc. etc. etc.
Be as painfully frank as possible. Both you and him with one another.
Bringing out these very painful emotions, such as your thoughts about this first love will enable you both to see clearly into each others souls as real human beings, and not as the behavior you are seeing on the outside.
I hope it works out.
I garauntee you that your first love would not have made things any better.
2006-06-18 20:27:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
By "giving me hell" do you mean he physically or mentally abuses you?
Thinking of someone else may get you through that rough spot - but the realization that you are in a marriage that isn't good shouldn't be drowned out by memories of your first love.
If you are in a bad marriage - get counseling to repair the problems. (If they can be repaired). If you are being abused - get out!
Dreaming of an old love isn't going to change your relationship with your husband.
Good luck.
2006-06-18 20:40:18 · answer #3 · answered by mommydl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like this first love is an idealized fantasy other to offset your husband's shortcomings. I think what you're doing is normal in the sense that people sometimes do it. However, I think it's a bad way to deal with the real problems of your relationship.
2006-06-18 20:27:54 · answer #4 · answered by Clayton B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what drowning feels like - you'd have to ask my dad, that's how someone killed him. I really think I'd rather have a pet giraffe. Soul mates are overrated. My giraffe would be called Steve.
2016-03-26 21:17:14 · answer #5 · answered by Virginia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is understandable since you feel your husband's abuse. Now you think about someone who treated you better and feel you didn't make the right choice. Maybe you should reconsider your marriage or see a counselor.
2006-06-18 20:20:21 · answer #6 · answered by Busy Lady 2010 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all have tricks to get us through difficult times. Nobody's perfect nor should be but those who criticize others are showing that they themselves are insecure
2006-06-18 20:22:50 · answer #7 · answered by Cdn_Superdave 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is normal to think of your first love because you see him as his means of escape from this live which you are not happy in.
try to see whats wrong with your hubby - comunicate & see what's wrong in you too.
wish you the best of luck
2006-06-18 20:20:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u should not think about your 1st love If you think about such way ur not eligible for wife of some one.
Think about urs past happy days. or be with ur kids always
2006-06-18 20:19:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is not right you should do some real soul searching and get that out your mind that isnt fair to hubby.
2006-06-18 20:18:44 · answer #10 · answered by Justin D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋