i don't know how to express my confusion to my friend?

Question

well... i think i am lesbian. i.e. i have had previous experiences with other girls and im attracted to a girl right now... but im just not certain.
and i would like to discuss my confusion with my friend but i feel afraid. she is kinda homophobic, she doesnt understand why people are gay and she is disturbed by gay relations.
i havent told her about my previous experiences but i would like to... i just dont know how to tell her about it and the problem im having because im affraid im going to loose her as a friend.

my main problem is that i dont know what to say to her... i dont know how to tell her

Answer 1

If you're gay and she's homophobic then she's not your friend anyway. Why on earth would you pick her to talk to?

Answer 2

Sit her down in a private place - make the time and space for it. Then calmly tell her, "I think I'm a lesbian. I've felt this way for (insert time period). I would like you to accept me as I am - nothing will change between us." If she seems unsure or whatever, assure her this: there's a difference between "friend" and "girlfriend". Continue on to tell her that, just like guys don't get crushes on or go after all their girl friends (friends who are girls!), lesbians and gays don't go after all their friends, especially the straight people.

Look in the library for material on gay/lesbian teens, especially coming out stories, read and learn.

If she's a real friend, she'll accept you for who you are. If she's a true friend, you'll bond even further because you've told her such a big thing about yourself. That's the way it was between me and my best, and truest, friend; all my other friends accepted me, even if a few took some time to think it all over. Don't push her into accepting you right away. Give her space, but always be available.

Good luck.

Answer 3

In my opinion, you should choose another friend to talk to about your sexuality first. However it seems to me that talking to this particular friend is really important to you. Before you decide to tell your friend, make sure it is the best thing for you. Ask yourself: what would you be gaining by telling your friend? What would you lose (if anything)? How important is it to you that your friend knows?
I have a friend who was in the same posistion as you. She told me that she was a lesbian first. Then wished to tell another friend of ours. So when she went to tell her other friend, who was homophobic, I went along with her. I didn't really do any talking, and let my lesbian friend handle the conversation on her own, and everything worked out in time.

I think that by approaching your homophbic friend with another good friend who you already told would help in three ways:

1. You already told someone, and now you have a little experience with coming out.

2. Having a friend who understands you come with you can show your homophobic friend that other people have accepted you and can even help ease both your friends as well as your own fears.

3. In the event that your conversation with your homophobic friend turns sour, you have someone who can immediately help comfort you, because that possibility of rejection does exist.

It is entirely your choice as to whether or not you try this. It worked for my friend but may not work for you. But if you do take another friend when telling your homophbic friend your secret, than make sure you do all the talking and you are in control of the conversation. You don't want someone else telling about your sexuality for you.

Also, keep in mind that if you want your sexuality to remain a secret, only tell people that you trust entirely, especially if in high school, because girls do talk.

Ultimately, you will make the right decision for you. So good luck!

Answer 4

I suggest that you break the ice by starting the conversation by asking her what she thinks about gay marriage or something. If she has a positive reaction, then just be blunt about it, and say, "I have something that I feel I need to tell you, and I'd really appreciate your help. I think I'm a lesbian."

If she has a negative reaction, you may decide that it's best to talk about this with someone else, like another friend, a trusted teacher or school counselor, a family friend, or even your parents.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

I hate to tell you, but you just may lose her. This shouldn't keep you from telling her, but it will determine who your real friends are and who isn't. I had a huge problem like that. I tried to come out when I was 14 and I lost all of my friends and I had to start from scratch. Then I tried again when I was 18 and just getting out of high school, but the good thing was there were a few who stuck around and those are the ones who I keep close to my heart today. They accept for who I am, and don't judge me for any reason.
So while you may lose her as a friend, you might realize you never needed her in the first place at all. And who knows, she may open her eyes and put her past prejudices aside.

Answer 6

When I told my best friend of 6 years about my confusion and my then resent experience with a female, she told me that she has been in love with me for 2 years and that she was so happy that I found myself. She also was afraid to loose our friendship and that was the reason she has loved me in silence for that long. I was so mad at her I try so hard to stay the hell away form her. But I love my best friend so much I dint want to loose her. Here we are 5 months after, living together as couples and in the final stage of her divorce. I was once one of those homophobic people.

Answer 7

Why would a gay girl want a homophobic friend? Find a girl who will love you for you and leave the rest alone. Why put yourself through the pain. She's not your friend if she's homophobic she just doesnt know the real you. Let it and her go.

Answer 8

talk to her about this. show her that you can trust her with your secret and you might be surprised. (as suggested by the lady before me)
trust is a risky thing but if you get it right then its very rewarding. let her know that you are laying all the cards in front of her and you gets to chose what to do next. to either scream her "homophobic" head off and stay away from you or she choses to understand and accept you for who you are. and learn to love the gay you.

but you do need to keep this in mind. if she is as homophopic as you say she is then there is a risk of her leaking out this information. assuming that you are not out (because if you are, she' known that you are gay by now) this might pose a s a problem. so please weigh out the pros and cons about this before you go ahead to execute your plan.

c'est la vie! good luck my friend!

Answer 9

if she is a good friend and accepts u for ur choice then u need to respect her for hers and whether she understands or not some people are not comfortable and should not have to be forced into acceptance i'm sure if we think about it there are things all of us are uncomfortable with would u expect someone who is gay to sleep with someone opp sex and straight well ? those other folks who said that they think u should dump ur friend need to stop and think about that if she is not comfortable do u really want to push the issue if it is just attraction anyway not like love ya know

Answer 10

It would seem that people who are homophobic are the ones who are questioning themselves. As others have stated, if you reveal yourself, you stand a good chance of losing this friend.

If you want to discuss your confusion with someone, why not look for a guidance counselor or a trusted adult?

Good Luck!

Answer 11

It depends on your age and how confident you are. And you're not. I think that telling her now will get you a really bad reaction. She has already expressed her feelings about gay people. If you're not really strong (inside) about your sexual feelings, don't share. It's time to meet some other friends and stay busy. Good luck.