If a person has been seperated from their husband for 5 years( which the ending was abusive) and never got a divorce but has been in a loving relationship with a guy for 4 and a half years...should the guy be upset at the fact that the girl has not divorced her husband even though they have not been together or have had romantic feelings for 5 years and hardly talk to each other except for the instances of child rearing issues?
2006-06-18 17:51:49 · 32 answers · asked by taushadoll 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, not really. I could understand jealous feelings towards anyone your lover had dated, or especially married in the past. However, if you're planning on getting a divorce, he shouldnt care.
2006-06-18 17:54:40 · answer #1 · answered by Katariana 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Taushadoll,
I hate to be so blunt, but yes, it is reasonable for a guy to be upset. Yes, for all practable purposes, you are in a divorced relationship, but legally, you are not. Imagine if one of your girlfriends dated a guy only later to find out he was legally married, but said, "well, we're not living together." She'd still feel tricked.
I'm not saying the two are exactly the same, because you have been up front with the guy, but you can't marry someone else in any state (including Utah) when you are already married to someone else.
I think if you were legally seperated, that might be a different case.
Go ahead and get the divorce.
2006-06-18 17:58:31 · answer #2 · answered by chuck_jax 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it was over you should have gotten a divorce.
You're still legally married and if you get a divorce I hope that he won't blame you because you've given him proof that you've been unfaithful. That could come back to haunt you, but maybe you live in a "No Fault" state.
Not being divorced means that you still share the vows given before God. You should think about that and how would you feel if he was still married but....he was "seperate".
The word seperated is a joke, either get divorced or get over your pride and learn to work it out. Quit dragging it out and dragging everyone through it.
2006-06-18 17:58:06 · answer #3 · answered by bridetobebrandie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah a little. Thats a long time to go without officially ending things. Besides if he decides he would like to marry you he cant until you get divorced. He may feel like you are keeping the ex on a back burner just in case. Or that you don't want to be able to devote yourself to him. Why after that long would you have not gotten a divorce anyway?
2006-06-18 17:57:53 · answer #4 · answered by babygirl_k2001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If honesty was not there from the beginning, you did not let him know you were still married, then yeah he has all rights to be upset!! To him it looks like you still legally belong to your husband and this really hurts a guys ego and feelings. Think about it. Get serious and divorce your husband , you will end up losing him!!!
2006-06-18 18:04:32 · answer #5 · answered by Angel_Eyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i guess not! coz girls need their own time to cope up wid wts goin around em! it wus not jus a break-up between a bf-gf, it wus the separation of 2 families. so she does need time, n by time it cud take nywhere btweeen 1 yr to a decade. n yes for the case of divorcing her husband, she might still hv feelings 4 him although the end wus an abusive 1. maybe she really loved him a lot. see dude it is not a matter of how much time tht gal takes, she is goin thru an emotional upheaval n i guess in her words lovin relation wud mean only frenzz! u need 2 b der 4 her as a friend now. as far as a romantic relation goes u shud jus wait 4 sum time more, till she comes out of this trauma.
2006-06-18 17:59:16 · answer #6 · answered by dividikks 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think so.... I mean, you're married to another guy. You might not live together or love each other anymore, but you're still married. What if the new bf wants to marry you? He can't. Even though you aren't with your husband anymore, don't you think that's ackward for him (ur bf)? Why not just get the divorce and start a new life? Seems silly to me.
2006-06-18 17:57:35 · answer #7 · answered by Dreamer7787 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy deserves a reward for hanging in there with you. You were involved in an abusive relationship, why are you still hanging on? And of course your boyfriend probably feels threatened---what if your husband shows up one day and claims you still to be his wife? What are you going to do? What if your boyfriend wants to get married? You are in a dead end relationship and cannot move foward until you drop the extra baggage. Take it from a guy, don't be suprised if you look up one day and your boyfriends gone.
2006-06-18 18:02:46 · answer #8 · answered by Spice 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it bothers him, tell him to pay for the divorce. Unless you don't want one. I stayed married to my 1st husband, the cheater, for 5 years just so I couldn't get married again. Less than 1 yr after the divorce, I went & married the abuser.
2006-06-18 17:59:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was separated from my husbandfor many years and yes the guy I am with now (we are married)was a bit upset over the fact that I wasn't divorced yet.So ,get a divorce and let him know that his views and feelings are important to you.
2006-06-18 18:01:14 · answer #10 · answered by changeling 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋