I got enaged last month. I met him in march 2005. I told my sis about my issues with him. Is that gossip?

Question

I had alot of issues with my fiance' for one year. I was very sinsitive to the things he said to me. He was very insensitive to me and was a controlling man. Many times he threatend to leave me. At that time I did not have feelings 4 him but he did 4 me. Now I love him more than ever. And I told him I love him alot. So now he is very good to me. But I was foolish and told my sis everything that went wrong with my fiance. I was just telling my sis about the rough idea on who should be in my wedding. Like my best friend will be my maid of honor and my sister will be one of the brides maids along with 3 of her 4 children as flower girls. She is mad now that I didn't have her as my maid of honer and I excluded her 2 year old as one of the flower girls. I am going to visit my sis with my fiance' in 2 months. I am affraid I messed everything up and she might tell him that I was talking about him to her. Could he break up with me if he found out? Am I a bad person?What should I do?

Answer 1

First of all, do you have a trusting relationship with your sister? And when you confided in her, did you ask her to keep this discussion between the two of you? If not, I would talk to her and let her know that when you confide in her, it is to stay between you. There is nothing wrong in talking with your sis, that what sisters are for. To talk, listen & be there for one another; not to pass the gossip between the talks.

Answer 2

The only thing to do is explain to him at first you were unsure of your relationship and you confided in your sister and have said negative things about him. Now you see the good in the relationship and are very happy but feeling bad about the negative feelings and statements you made.
Honestly though I doubt your sister will say anything even if she is mad/hurt. She loves you that is why she is upset. Do you have a reason for excluding the 2 year old, is there another job you could give her or is it just that she is too young? Explain the reason to your sister. As for the maid of honor, have 2. Explain to both that they have to share the title as you love them both and cannot choose between them. If that is not something you want to do then you have no option but to let your sister get over it on her own.

Answer 3

It's true that everyone needs someone in their life to vent with when things get tough. If it's your sister, that's good. You haven't done anything wrong, unless you are getting into a relationship which isn't healthy. The fact that you've fell in love with a guy whose shown abuse before marriage don't sound like a good idea. Stay engage for a little while to make sure it don't continue. Men can only hold that good side in control for so long, then all hell will be shown if it's an act. Your telling him you love him has given him the power he needs to do whatever he can get away with knowing you'll be there. As far as you sister being mad because of your present wedding arrangements, do what makes you happy. She would do that. So, just pay attention.

Answer 4

She wouldn't say anything to him about this, unless she wanted you to be unhappy or get back at you for not including her daughter. Plus IT'S YOUR WEDDING, unless she is helping you pay for it she has no say so in the matter, a 2 yr old is rather young and may not follow instructions well. Some people don't even invite children to weddings because they can be too disruptive. Outside of this is he truly the man you want. You said he was insensitive to you and controlling early on in the relationship, but not that way now. I do believe people can change, but this may only be temporary. Right now he is only your fiance, he is still in the process of winning you, your friends, and your family over, so he is always going to put his best face forward, once you marry him the controlling may come back since he knows that he "has" you and that you can't leave him as easily.

Answer 5

It's true that it should have been better if your sister didn't learn anything about what your fiance was doing before he fell deeply in love with you. But because your sister knows about it and because of what she knows she doesn't want to be your maid of honor, you'd better talk to her alone one of these days. She is your sister and I'm sure, at the end of your conversatin, she will understand you and your fiance. Explain to her that what you and your fiance went through was just a part of any relationship which later could overcome any difficulty along the way.

Tell her that you are now to get married to the man you truly love who is also willing to take you as his bride. That exactly means that you are truly in love with each other. And ask your sister to forgive your bf for what he has done to you and assure her that you are now sure of his love for you. Tell her also that your marriage won't be complete without her being your maid of honor. Request her also not to divulge anymore to your fiance that you told her your negative issues with your bf for it may cause the calling off of your wedding and that if she ereally loves you, she will give you her blessing for a happy and peaceful marriage with your fiance.

And one word of advice, always remember that there are things in life which are better left unsaid for the good of everyone. In marriage, there are lot of things which the wife and the husband alone should know and keep to themselves for as long as they live. Good luck.

Answer 6

you are not a bad person. i dont kno why u r marrying him tho, if he treated you like that once he will do it again. i have seen it happen with my parents. avoid that. before you go, sit down and talk to ur sister ( or call.. etc) and explain to her why shes not your maid of honor. possibly making her daughter a flower girl would be a good idea, just a last minute sort of thing, or give her a different part like.. doing something at the reception for little kids, i kno theres a lot to do about that. and if he finds out and leaves you, he must have never really loved u.. srry hun

Answer 7

Sounds like your between a "Rock & a Hard Place" as the old cliche' goes... Well, just to play it safe, I would bring your sister &your neice something they both, really like,as gifts, to try and start off on a distractive way, talk about anything and everything that doesn't relate to the wedding or your fiancee'... Ask her alot of questions, about how her life's been going... Do anything to keep her mind occupied on anything except, the wedding and your fiancee', I would sort of introduce him, and then take her aside in the kitchen with goodies you brought, or something fun & crafty, to show her how its done, and or basically do everything in your power to not let them alone to talk without you there!!! And, should your sister be that devious, as to mention those things of the past about your fiancee'.....Think of a back-up, or be "Frank" with him, that's old news, from when we first met, lets talk about new & better things.. Ask his forgiveness, on the way home,and merely explain to him, you weren't sure where he was coming from at that time, and you needed someone your closest with too confide in, and that happened to be my sister, that you dont feel that way about him, now.. And, she's just mad because she's excluded from the wedding..... He should be understanding about it, and if he's not, then that means, he's very sensitive, and I would be very careful, of what you say and do ,throughout the marriage.. Good-Luck!!!

Answer 8

Sisters share something that no friend could replace or sustitute.
I highly doubt she will say anything to him. I'm sure she knows you were just venting. Everyone needs to once in a while.
In fact me and my sister are exactly the same. I hear her out and she hears me out.
Even though we may hate what are men have done, we both know the other is in love and happy deep down inside.
My sister was not my maid of honor either. She was a little hurt, but it blew over almost instantly.
As long as you keep her involved she'll be happy.

Answer 9

Its family matters-problems - nor gossips, revealing / telling your sister,is something like -going for con selling with minister, ones have to release it out (your anger),to feels at ease (I always feels comfortably after releasing /revealing or sharing all my problems with someone else , (likely for advice) otherwise it keep on hurting /disturbing my minds) Which might cause my psychological affections.Every souls have problems,go and visit you sister,she might be cooled by now,try to be yes or no situations,dont talks much about your old Revelations *old tales*(sorry I was upset and now everything is OK,with smiling appreciations)You are lucky to have insensitive man(emotional controlling man -from losing him-instead of getting bee -love bites) Likely not serious problems,unless actual Revelations have been added or twisted ) have good discussions about the wedding, give and takes, as you have long path to eternity...bye now, lots of love

Answer 10

If you thought your sister would act out in this way would you have told her??? sometimes I tell my dad things about my marriage and I get worried but I know that he will never ever say anything....if you totally trust your sister then talk to her and explain to her your reasons why you chose your best friend etc...also I think a two year old is way too young to be a flower girl...they always cry or wont walk down in front of people so it could ruin your wedding day...just remind her that its your day and that you have certain ways of wanting it done...if she is truly your sister and loves you no matter what then she will understand...my family heard nothing but terrible things about my current hubby from my ex but they trust me in my decision and love my new hubby regardless of what my ex says or does say at times...they just let it go in one ear and out the other or sometimes they just simply say shutup LOL....if your finace finds out just let him know that you confided in your sister cuz you needed a friend in that difficult time. I think its much better to tell a family member then a best friend cuz they come and go but family is forever. Good luck

Answer 11

thats not gossip you were just telling your sister what was going on thats perfectly normal and not at all gossip i tell my sis everything about my life and with people. And no your not a bad person 4 doing that. And what you should do is kindely ask your sister not to tell what you said.