my bf went to rehab and I am 8 months pregnant with our fourth. I found a girl wrote on his folder from rehab and left her number. He got out Thurs. She got out Sat. Anyway. SHe has been calling him since she got out. I heard their convo and he was planning on calling her a work...(while he was at work on his lunch). When I walk in he tells her he has to call her back. We have been together 8 years and nothing like this has ever happen. I am a mess and don;t know if i should be upset and if he might want her??What do you guys think? I asked him to stop tlaking to her and he tells me he would but I found out htat he plans to call her now at work. what should i do???/
2006-06-18 17:09:51 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
sit down with him and have a chat tell him how u feel and ask him if there is some thing going on and u need him to be honest as it isnt good for you or the baby also dont have sex with him just in case he is sleeping round dont want your un born child catching some dirty disease from this girl ( if she has 1 and if he is sleeping around ) just be honest with himtell him it is making u distressed and u need him at the moment if he says nothing is going on u can ask him to not speak to her but if he does then maybe some thing is going if not then maybe it will but do u trust him ??? thats a question u need to ask ur self if u dont then go and find a very good lawyer good luck and i hope he isnt cheating for you and your childrens sake u need him at the moment and if he is cheating he is a horrible man .. good luck hope its all ok and its just your hormones getting you worried ... just try not to stress think of your baby leave it till after ur child is born im sorry if he is straying i know what its like .. but if he is ditch him ... good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and ecery thing =) let us know how u get on
2006-06-18 18:59:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The best thing I can suggest is to talk to him about WHY he is talking to her. It could possibly be innocent and she could be a support that he is turning to. Have you ever watched the movie "When a Man Loves a Woman"? Well in that movie the wife goes to rehab and when she comes out she turns to a guy from her rehab as a person who understands. The husband don't understand and gets angry. Well maybe this is something to think about.
When you talk things out TRY to not be emotional (I know that is easier said than done but none the less try) be upfront and firm. Hear his side. Then together you two can come to an understanding about what is going on. Also you might want to look into joining a support group for family members of addicts.
I really am hoping that this was innocent since you said this has never happened before. Good luck....
2006-06-19 00:20:18 · answer #2 · answered by Just me.... 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing that we are going to tell you will help you cope with this, plus you already know the truth. Obviously, he is being deceitful, even if he isn't cheating he is attempting to hide or cover up what ever it is he is doing. If he wants her, he's going to have her regardless, and you know this. This isn't going to make you feel any better. You're 8 months pregnant, with your fourth child, I suggest going to your mothers, friends, etc., for a few days and relax.
You have a right to know. You're obviously upset, so just ask, if he gets upset that you've simply asked, then something is wrong. You are asking because you've noticed and indiscretion in the way he is interacting and an attempt to cover up his actions. You have a right!. . .ask. . .
2006-06-19 00:16:47 · answer #3 · answered by Lian 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't ask him to stop talking to her, that only tells him that you don't trust him. Did you try talking to him, who is she, were you in rehab for the same thing? Those types of questions. Maybe they had similar problems and are helping each other. Maybe have him invite her over, If you have been together that long and it has never happened before, I don't see why it would happen now, unless he has done something to make you not trust him of course.
2006-06-19 00:21:15 · answer #4 · answered by moonsfantasy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't listen to Alex. Try to talk to him in a serious conversation and see what you guys should do.. I think they are only talking because they have that in common and he made a new friend. Try to ask him questions about rehab, and how it was for him, so that he sees you really care, and that he doesn't need any other girl.. If he can't change that, you may need to separate until he gets his prerogative straight. Bless you, and I wish you the best of luck...
2006-06-19 00:17:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but only you can make this decision. He is obviously going to continue to maintain contact with her despite your wishes. If he loved you, he would not be doing this! You really need to decide what you want to do. You can suggest couple counseling...if he is willing. If he isn't, it is obvious he does not want to work on the relationship.
I think the ball is in your court. You have to decide what you want from life and if you would be willing to put up with his contacting other women (and possibly cheating on you).
I know what I would do but my choice might not be the right one for you. Good luck with your decision.
P.S. Let me also stress that maintaining contact with someone else who was a "user" (I'm assuming a drug or alcohol abuser) is not a way for him to straighten up and stay off drugs/alcohol...especially since she was in at the same time and not someone who is being his mentor to keep him on the path of staying clean. This should definitey be a big concern for you.
2006-06-19 00:17:31 · answer #6 · answered by ilse72 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you are going through have you suggested counselling for the two of you. If he is willing to make the relationship work than I say give him a chance to make it work but if not you are not just a doormat for him to walk all over. Don't let him treat you like crap. Demand for him to straighten up and set a standard of what is ok and what is not. Only you know your personal boundaries. Don't allow anyone to cross them not even him.
2006-06-19 00:30:11 · answer #7 · answered by sunshine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confront him about it and talk about it before you do anything drastic. If he has any respect for you then he would stop talking to her, and if he doesn't maybe point out how he would be upset if you were so disrepectful to him.
If he denies it and you begin to have evidence that he is cheating then leave him, you don't need that. If you are married and are wanting to divorce, note that many states have laws about not granting divorces, or even file for divorce while you are still pregnant.
2006-06-19 00:22:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, you have to follow your heart and your instincts. I am pregnant with my fourth (same daddy) and he is looking up his old girlfriend. You have to have trust and know that nothing will come of it. If he is lying to you and giving you a reason to worry, well there may be something up.....however if she too was in rehab, they share a coomon intrest. i know it's a longshot but maybe they are talking about rehab stuff. go with your instincts.
2006-06-19 00:15:46 · answer #9 · answered by amandaped25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
umm ok you are pregnant with your "rehab" boyfriends 4th child.... *red flag* you have been with him 8 years *red flag* Hes calling another female *red flag* he stops talkign to her when u come in the room *red flag* He just got out *red flag* (for anyone reading this, IF you ever use this term its time to find a new man whether it be rehab or jail) You've asked him to stop calling her and he wont *red flag* Yes he wants her *red flag* Seeing a pattern? Am i the ONLY one seeing this? Jesus CHRIST you women are INSANE !! LEAVE HIS *** !!! Move back home and take him for every god damn penny hes got in child support DUHHHHHHHHHHH
2006-06-19 00:17:02 · answer #10 · answered by Brad Z 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋