Any dad's out there that can answer a question for a single mother of a 12 yr. old son????

Question

My g/f has a 12 yr old son. Today she found some dirty magazines under his matress. She is not sure where he got these.And not sure how to confront him or if she should even do so and maybe just throw the magazines away. Now she just realized he must have been snooping in her room because she has noticed that there are condoms missing from her dresser drawer. I want to help her but not sure what she should say to him or what type of action to take. I don't have a son myself so I am lost. Please help, honest and serious answers only please. Thanks!

THE REASON SHE WAS IN HIS RM. TO BEGIN WITH IS BECAUSE SHE REALISED HALF HER SODA WAS MISSING AND WENT IN HIS RM, TO SEE HOW MANY CANS WERE AROUND. WHEN SHE LOOKED IN HIS GARBAGE HE HAD CUT IN STRIPS A PAGE OF ONE OF THE MAGS. HE IS ADHD AND ISNT ALLOWED TO HAVE MUCH POP, CANDY ETC...SHE IS RESPECTFUL TO GIVE HIM HIS SPACE.

By all means she doesn't want to approach the subject the wrong way and make him feel bad or embarassed about masturbation, she realizes this is normal...

Answer 1

I am not a father but I am a Son who has been in somewhat close to the same sit. many times....I would say bring it up, but also explain why you were under his matress,Everytime my parents went through my room I was absolutely Furious...Generally not because I had a whole lot to hide, but the big Q in my mind was what the f*ck where you looking for...So confront him but have an answer for the Q probably on his mind...

Answer 2

As for the mags welcome to the guy thing don't make a big deal about it but get rid of them ,he has to learn about sex and what he hears from his friends or in the movies is not what you want him to learn . he is old enough to have the talk with and if she handles it with some class he will be just fine. If however she gets pissed off or makes him feel like he can't talk to her about it then he just might wind up the next teenage dad. He is normal ,and put a lock on her dresser with the condoms and sex toys. There is also the approach that she could pull out the condoms and explain why they are used and not so much about how. She cause more damage to his confidence if she gets upset by this. I could use the church as an example if you like and all those young people who are told that they will suffer with great pain or something if they do anything involving sexuality but I regret to say that when I grew up the ones that were told this were the most rebellious sexually. This is the experience that I have had anyway. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

1. Confront him
2. Tell him your honest feelings about the magazines
3. Cut him slack. He's a boy

It's important to hear from his mom what she thinks about it. He's going to make his own decisions about it, but her input will influence him, if not now, later on when it matters more.

You may want to turn your head to future discoveries because there are urges he will satisfy and it's healthy for him to have his privacy protected so he can blow off the steam.

One day, go in an spring clean his room and 'accidentally' find the mags. Act horrified at first, then sit down and discuss your feelings. Take the mags and destroy them or he'll fish them out of the trash. Don't let him think you approve, but after you have taught him your values, leave him be to make his own decisions from that point.

Unless he goes too far. Let your woman's intuition tell you if he has. Just tolerate a little Boy becoming a man sexual tension and let him handle some things himself.

Answer 4

I am not a dad but i have some advices for u.

Firstly, porn mags n condoms are easily available in the market now. the media is talking of showing scenes of sexual content almost all the time. scenes such as a couple making out, kissing and being intimate.

perhaps, having a female talk to him about his sex topic might seem like a joke to him, best person to to tok him might be U.

Sex education is very important. we have to nuture and lead these young minds in the right way and not let the media influence them at such a young and tender age.

tell him that the right influence is important in his life. the type of peer influence and friends he mix with is also important.

Kids at this age thinks that having sex gives the person respect from his peers and that sex is cool. But they do not know the drastic effects that occurs when premarital sex and unplanned pregnancy occurs.

These are topics where he needs u to explain to him.

try sending him to sunday school for the right influence or even visit a councilor for help.

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Answer 5

well first of all never go in a 12 year olds room its soooo not cool thats there privace and there space and u raded it !!! and if he is looking at magizines that are bad than think god he is not looking a gay mags !! he is 12 he is going threw stage ( puberty) he is only doing what his mind tells him to dont freak !! and the condoms that got stole i highly dout he is using them most boys like to take them to school and show them off i know it sounds weird but the do and if he is using them at least he is using protection !! but if u want to talk to the boy just let him know that u disaproove of the stealing of the condoms and tell him why dint u ask and we would talk about it . but dont talk about the mags all 12 year olds have the magizines just chill a little all u need to worry about is the condom stealing

Answer 6

it is normal behavior-need to sit down and explain to him a couple of things-masturbation is normal and not something to hide under his bed-dirty mags are not the norm and shouldnt judge world by want he sees in them-searching through a persons stuff is just plain wrong and i dont think i have t say anything about taking so ones stuff-that should cover most of it about only thing you might want to really push on is the stealing but either way all of it needs to be talked about and quickly best to stop some things as fast as possible dont want a kid going up that is in the habit of stealing-keep the peace old hippie here

Answer 7

Take the course Growing Kids God's Way. It is SO practical. It will change your life! In this case, it will help you deal with him not coming to first time obedience. Mom shouldn't have to repeat herself 10 times! It talks about giving our children too many freedoms before their maturity level and how that poses problems. You are a mom, you are supposed to gripe! If no one cared about this boy to teach him, it will be harder for him to deal with life when he is older! There is a whole discipline chart to follow regarding obedience and I was surprised to see that because I always thought there should be a flow chart so we, as parents, know where to progress when our children need help to regulate their behavior. Good luck! ----Update---- Oh yeah, have him say "Yes, Mom." with whatever you ask him to do. It seems as though once a child confirms a yes, then they are obligated to do because it came out of their own mouths. But, if he still does not comply after saying "Yes, Mom" then it is outright defiance and it needs to be punished.

Answer 8

My husband says:

Dirty mags= normal boy (good job mom he's on his way to being
a very normal guy)
Stealing condoms= curious boy (he's figured out mom's
having sex unmarried)

It's going to be tough to teach him NOT to have sex until marriage since mom is not practicing the same teaching.
Best you can do is just matter of factly ask him "Are you taking anything from my room, don't lie cause I already know, I just want to hear it from you" once he confesses, just tell him that he needs to respect your space and not take your stuff. period, end of conversation.

If he's such a grown up man to have sex at 12 and fit regular condoms, he's probably big enough to go buy them at the store. you don't have to be 18 to buy them.

Answer 9

well, he is 12, and he's starting to go through the changes of life, just think back to when you were 12, and all the things you did, as for the mags, I wouldn't say anything, he's at the naturally curious age, as for the condoms, well if he is having sex, be happy that he's smart enough to use his brain, and take precautions and protect himself.

If I were you, i would try to become better friends with him, maybe he will start to trust you, and talk to you about the things he is curious about, or wants to know etc..

Answer 10

im on my wifes acount. first of all like one other person said, its gona be hard to explaine that its wrong to do this, altho i think it is. the mother isnt maried and has condoms, this means that shes having sex with a guy she isnt married to. its hard to tell a kid not to smoke if u smoke. children want to be just like there mom and dad. i own a wrecker business and my son wants to be just like me. he even has a power wrecker truck. if i was a pimp or player i figure thats what he would want to be. if you want to have a respectfull son then u have to be decent to. if ur gona have unmarried sex and not want your son to do the same then u need to do it more hidden. being 12 is old enough to know alot. kids will want to copy anythhing. the condoms mean he wants sex i figure. he stold them from mom but mom might be steling some womens man if he marries a diferent woman. porn is wrong but unmarid sex is wrong to. its hard to corect a child in this situation. all i can say is try to sit the boy down and tell him how much guys pay for child support and how he would haft to get a job to raise the money if he got a gurl preggy. its hard to talk to kids about theses things tell him about how u can get aids and how its disrespectfull to the gurls he goes to school with when he looks at porn. hes to young for all that stuff. tell him he has so many years after he grows up to have that kinda expencive fun. and how he can have fun at his age in other ways. good luck