My question is. If I commit to the counseling my husband wants is it better to live together while going to counseling or to live apart while going to counseling to get some space?
My husband is verbally abusive although he swears he will change and has been good for a few weeks. I care about him but am not "in love" with him anymore.
Also, to complicate matters I have a male friend who I have known for ten years and we have developed feelings for each other although there has been no sex.
So, what do you think? Counseling before divorce while living together or separate and then seek counseling?
2006-06-18 15:00:45 · 10 answers · asked by anonymous41 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
counseling is wonderful...if you truly going to work on trying to save your marriage...and living apart while doing so is not bad either...you could start fresh ..so to speak.... however... how can you try to save a marraige if you continue to see and want to be with someone else?
the only feasable way to truly try to save your marraige... is to tell your friend...that he will have to back off for a while...so you can see if you can salavge your marriage...who knows ...there is a possibility your husband could change...and you could see the man you married to begin with; but...if it doesnt work...you can leave knowing you gave it 100% ...and start a new life with your friend.
all in all ...you have some serious thinking to do ...this is something only you can answer...we are just here to offer suggestions...
good luck
2006-06-18 15:16:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You probably won't like this answer, but the best thing to do is to live together, not see or talk to your male friend, and set firm limits for your husband's verbally abusive behavior so he knows what you will do if he doesn't change. Don't have sex with your male friend. It will only complicate matters. This matter is between you and your husband first. The "other man" always looks better....why wouldn't he? If you separate, you will probably never get back together because you are all ready growing away from him. If you still have some caring feelings for him, you might fall in love again. He will have to work hard to change in counseling because verbally abusive behavior means he doesn't take responsibility for his own behavior in the relationship. He would rather blame you. Do this so that you will either regain your marriage or you will know that you did everything you could to hold it together even if it doesn't work. Try with an honest and good heart, but don't take any crap. Set boundaries and good luck!
2006-06-18 16:14:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you say you are no longer in love with your husband, do you think that counseling is going to change that. I personally do not think counseling works. If two people cannot talk through their problems then their marriage is in real trouble. Someone sitting their and letting you vent on what you think your problems are is stupid. I would be very cautious about your abusive husband. He has a problem and nobody can change the way he treats women but himself. No one can tell you to divorce him, that has to be your decision but I would really step back if I were you and see where you want your life to go. Good luck
2006-06-18 15:10:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in trouble. If you separate then you and this friend will deepen the relationship. If you stay with husband, he's only being good till he gets his way, and may not be able to hold off that long. So, do the counseling before moving out, to keep the wrong doing (committing adultery) off of you. If he found out about this friend from your getting your own place, there's no way he's going to believe it wasn't going on all along. Better safe than sorry. Good Luck!
2006-06-18 19:04:38 · answer #4 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should stay together and work it out you are only probley feeling this way towards your friend because of the hassles with the hubby.
The fact that your husband is demonstrating a change in his attitude now and is willing to go to counselling is a good sign he knows he needs help and is willing to give all to save the marriage.
That leaves you? What do you really want?
2006-06-18 15:25:37 · answer #5 · answered by ozi_nut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look girl, can't you two find it in your hearts to work things out? Marriage is a committment. Why did you get married if you don't want to stay with him? Honor your vows and stop your whining. Grow up
I don't recommend counseling in your case. Dump the boyfriend and love your hubby. Got it?
2006-06-25 10:57:34 · answer #6 · answered by MARK 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling before divorce & still living together. I don't believe verbal abuse is a valid reason for divorcing. But than I am not a believer in divorce anyway. But doesn't it make sense for him to try and learn how not to be verbally abusive, while you try to learn why he has been to begin with. You married him and must of known before hand. You loved him to marry him......I assume.....isn't it worth trying to save or was it all a lie to begin with....
2006-06-18 15:30:07 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ugh. Just end it. Don't get married again until you've got the confidence to pick a decent guy (in other words, you're confident enough to be on your own for a good while).
Your husband will not change. You might, but I doubt that too.
Lotsa luck
2006-06-18 15:18:11 · answer #8 · answered by jackmack65 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with okie.
You say you're not "in love", don't matter how many times you go to counseling, the "in love" part ain't going to come back. Plus it seems like you have already moved on. Even though you haven't had sex yet don't mean that you haven't thought about it or came close to doing it.
2006-06-18 16:04:12 · answer #9 · answered by armywifeoftony 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say seperate because of the abuse and seek help that way. He also will need counseling for his anger issues. You do not need to be having feelings for anyone else right now either. They swear they will change but trust me they usually do not unless they get help!
2006-06-18 15:35:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋