My husband won't quit looking up " girlie " sites. What can I do?

Question

I've caught him at least 4 or 5 times in the last year & he always says that it isn't him when there is no possible way it could be anyone else. I find it in the history of the computer when he forgets to delete it. I know he's deleted far more than I have found, but I don't know how to retrieve it. He googles for teen girls, thongs, petites & so on....what upsets me is that he tells me I'm so beautiful, sexy, blah, blah, & then looks up this crap when he has a more than willing participant right here! I have a higher sex drive than him & wish we had sex more often, but he's tired or whatever. I'm of a slim build as I work out & people have told me that I'm attractive, so what's the problem? It really hurts my feelings. I'm in bed sleeping while he's looking at girls younger than one of his daughters. I told him that I wouldn't mind watching a movie w/him, but he says I'm not that kind of girl! I'm 37 & he's 42. I wear thongs, sexy nighties & the like, but to no avail most nights......

I can't get rid of the internet as I run a business on it. I tried being like " one of those girls ", but he syas I'm too wholesome. Like that's how he wants me to be. I said I could & wanted to be more, but he doesn't seem interested........

Answer 1

Your mistake started when you took this personally. It's completely understandable that you would, but in a man's world looking at porn very RARELY has anything to do with cheating, being unsatisfied sexually, or not desiring one's mate. It's just a release, nothing more, and it's our release because we're stimulated visually, which makes no sense to women who are stimulated emotionally and intellectually via fantasy scenarios, etc.

Since you took it personally and confronted him, now he's defensive, sneaking around, and now his sexual expression is not safe with you, which typically causes a sort of feedback loop (he's defensive, you confront him, he clams up, you get upset, he gets more defensive, you get more upset, lather, rinse, repeat).

The thing to do now is to start working on making it safe for him to be with you sexually again. If he's not pretty well evolved, this might be challenging. Get some professional help. He's probably pretty embarrassed, feeling rather small, etc, and it might take a while.

At the end of the day it really depends on what you want to accomplish, but if you want to save your marriage you're the one who's going to need to take action to restore his confidence and sense of safety. Maybe that's not fair, but it is the way it is.

Answer 2

You'll right, you can't be those girls to him. He knows you for who you really are and he don't want you to change. Men want the best of both worlds, a decent wife or gf, and a whore to do whatever you would never expect him to do in a life time. After loosing out on a 30 yr marriage for this reason, take my advise, and let him look at the computer. It's better than his acting on what runs thru his mind looking at them in reality, I assure you. On the other hand, if there are things you want that's not being fulfilled, talk about it in a decent manner. He may be wanting the same type of attention, but don't know how to ask without thinking you'll get upset. Just try and talk things over to prevent them from getting out of control.

Answer 3

First of all, don't compare your self worth with the like of internet filth. They do it for money! That should say alot.

Your husband thinks you're a Queen and u should see that too. He doesn't compare you to what he fantasizes. Just be yourself and let him know how it really makes you feel.

From experience, this is just the beginning of real problems and it has nothing to do with you. Pray and wish for the best.

Answer 4

i feel for you, i do...only, my hunny wants me to watch with him, but it makes me feel insecure when he does it w/o me, so i dont watch with him cause i feel like a hypocrite. i am sure your man does find you attractive, and he is probably not cheating on you, he may feel the need for variety and doesnt want to cheat to satisfy it. he said your not that kind of girl...prove him wrong! take the riens, ride your cowboy, buy some toys or a vid, try role playing...dress a part and seduce him...if you think your that kind of girl, and he dont...blow him away with how wrong he is...try doing ALL the work, he could be doin porn cause he would rather not exert so much energy as sex requires...and check that history...see what is turning him on...he would blow a gasket if you mimicked his most often visited video...best of luck!

Answer 5

He's bored with your sex life. IF you really want to get him back, tell him that you think those things are a turn on and you'd like to look at the pictures with him. Also suggest some of the things that you think you would like to see.

This might really turn him on and 'restart' his engine.

Answer 6

What did this guy do to earn your commitment anyway? Whatever it was he forgot how to do it. He's being a creep, I'd confront him and tell him to stop. He shouldn't be hurting and ignorning you if he truly loves you. I'm not sure he cares at this point though.

Answer 7

The signs are he is cheating. Doesn't make since for him to get all horney and then not want to have sex with you?

Answer 8

nothing, let him look and maybe he will meet sum1 off there and get an std or aids or sumthing. deserves all cheating husbands right

Answer 9

I WNET THRU IT AND DEVORCED HIM CUZ HE EVENTUALLY CHEATED. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I LIKE YOU AM VERY ATTRACTRIVE AND IT TOOK ALOT AWAY FROM ME. I FELL OUT OF LOVE WITH HIM. AND HATED HIM FOR DISRESPECTING ME. HE KNEW HOW IT HURT ME AND STILL DID IT. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, MY GUY NOW IS AWESOME. IM VERY LUCK AND GLAD ANOTHER GIRL HAS TO DEAL WITH MY X!

Answer 10

get rid of the internet at you home