How do you handle a parent's abusive relationship?

Question

My mother has been married to my step-father for 23 years, During this time he has been verbally, mentally and physically abusive toward her. In the past year and half she finally left and obtained a divorce. During this time, I helped her financially (as he destroyed all of her belongings) and stayed with her to help her thru this time. Now that the divorce is final, I have learned that he his spending the night with her and basically they are back together just not married. I have alot of anger and resentment toward him for how he has and still is treating her, but also toward her for continuing the relationship. Should I tell her how I feel or mind my own business?

I live on my own not at home

Answer 1

23 years is a long time to love some one. hes all she knows. i wouldnt be mad at her but keep a watchful eye and the first time he hits her you need to remind her that if she stays around him its gonna keep happing and its no ones fault but her own. then i would call the police and but his tail in jail

Answer 2

Having left my ex for about a year several years ago, and then going back and remarrying him for another 28 yrs; it's a really big mistake. Just recently divorced him for a second time because he never seriously changed, it was my being co-dependent that made me stay as long as I did. This is probably her problem besides her thinking she really loves him after being with him for that many years. Tell her how you feel and let her know that you worry about her, but won't be around for her spats with him now that you've seen what she's willing to except. Don't worry too much, because he's going to run her off before long, and she just might stay in reality the next time.

Answer 3

I'm acquainted with situations like that. I admire your dedication to help your mother in the first place. It took strength and commitment and many sons/daughters would not have done it. But your mother is partly responsible for going back with him. She made a conscious decision, even though the decision lacks good sense and can hardly be understood. You can share your feelings. At most, it may help you to deal with a traumatic situation, but don't expect that your mother will change her life circumstance. You've done all you can do and more. You've learned alot and your very qualified to help others in a similar situation, even if helping is sharing an understanding, sympathetic ear, and telling your story. Some things are beyond your control and this is one of them. Feel good within that you gave it your every best effort.

Answer 4

I think that you have a right towards your feelings. But instead of being mad you should sit down and talk to your mother. Maybe the reason that she is still with him is either she still loves him, wants to forgive him, or might have a decency problem. If she has that problem then you should get a book that talks about holding on when you really need to let go of someone, finding something better in your life to takes it place. Or maybe if you talk with her calmly you can get her to see that she doesn't need him. Well hope that helps.

Answer 5

it is very hard to leave a absuvive relationship. an absuer knows how to munapulate, he knows exactly what she wants to hear. he will promise her the world. he'll tell her that he will never do it again and say he would do anything to change. your mother proably thinks in her head that he is telling the truth, and remembers the good times together. it might take her a couple of times on leaving him. she won't leave him for good until she is ready. the only thing for u to do is tell her how you feel but still be their for her emotionally. and tell her that if she does deciede to leave him again, don't tell her i told you so.

Answer 6

Sure, voice how you feel....but she is a grown woman and made the decision to go back to him. I assume he played the "i've changed" card and she fell for it. You can't make her learn her lesson....she has to do that on her own.

Answer 7

your mom needs to meet someone new try to fix her up with someone after being with someone that long she probably is so comfortable with him she wouldnt know how to act with someone else, also i would contact an abuse center for woman and make her talk to other women who have been in her place it might open her eyes.

Answer 8

My situation was very similiar to yours, I think you should tell her how you feel , but if she continues to see him after you talk to her you should just let her be and hope she will realize he is no good.

Answer 9

If I was her I would leave and leave immediately.
She doesn't have to live with abuse.

Tell her to hit the street!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

let her know that you are cocerned for her, and that puting herself through that makes you mad, because she does not have to put up with it, but she does anyway