i answered a question by a girl who says that everyone hits her.?

Question

i told her that there is no excuse for anyone hitting her but she should examine herself to see why everyone would be hitting her.
i told her to be nice to people and they probably wouldn't hit her.
she even sent me a nasty e-mail and i think she's a real nut.
was i wrong to tell her the truth?

Answer 1

Good reply! I'm thinking that she mean almost every man hits her. And generally there is no moral reason for it. But maybe she was hitting first? Only she knows. Forget about her and the nasty email. Some people, mainly women, don't want to listen to any details that are different, from what they want to hear, or think. Why they bother asking for adivce, is beyond me. But I once had gf, who was like that. If she writes or posts again, ad to your reply, "it's not always the girl's fault, but some times it is.".

Answer 2

I think that you gave her a very good answer. Instead of calling her a "real nut" I would say that her "extreme emotional response indicates that she has some significant psychological problems". However, both ways of saying it mean pretty much the same thing. One is just a little kinder. I would disagree with one of the answers that you got that said," that if she asked the question she must have wanted to hear the truth." A lot of people ask questions and don't want to hear the truth. But you had no way of knowing ahead of time that this was obviously the case here. You did a good job.

Answer 3

No way Jorginsin, you did the right thing, you tried to help her. Unfortunately, some people play on the help we try to give. Just remember, what you did was use your heart and your natural instincts to help someone. If you like I could have a word with her?
Well I just had a look at what u were talking about, she did come down heavy on you! Even I could see that, BUT what you said was "nobody can be hit by another unless they influence it somehow"?well that was completely asking for it, I mean this is a girl who's brother father, friends friends, and God knows who else has hit on her abusively, but you tried. Your opinion is your opinion, still next time go a little more subtler, perhaps ask her why she thinks this is happening to her, instead of suggesting it's her fault probably because of her attitude.

Answer 4

I guess the nasty email speaks for itself.

You were right to tell her that there is no excuse for anyone hitting her - but I question the remark about examining herself to see why people would be doing so (they kind of cancelled each other out).

Telling her to be nice was good - and being honest is always good. I hope that she wakes up and gets away from the people who are doing this to her.

Answer 5

Don't worry about it. You did the right thing. Some people are too deep into their relationships to even see they are part of the problem. She is only at fault for staying around these kind of guys. Block her e-mail address and she will find someone else to go off on. You keep answering questions honestly. That is what the rest of us really want. Keep telling us the truth...we all want to hear it.

Answer 6

Hi Jorginson, I looked up the question you mention, as well as your answer.

Well, I think ideally you might be right. Usually there are different causes about why something like this might happen.

Like you said, there is never an excuse for a guy to be physically abusing a girl or threatening her with physical punishment (either to control her, or to make himself feel powerful).

And like you said, sometimes the girl can contribute a dynamic that helps instigate the problem. She might stick with the guy and enable him emotionally to keep hurting her.

You are also pretty gentle in your answer, in how you worded things. I commend you for that.

However, I don't think you totally conveyed the sympathy you were feeling in how you worded things.

Sometimes, also, people aren't asking a question in order to receive a rational explanation of "both sides of the story." Sometimes they are hurt, or upset, and just want to vent. Or they are looking for some emotional support and validation, regardless of whether they did right or wrong.

Having dealt with people in these situations before, I'd probably have just sympathized with her and asked her a few leading questions to make her think about her situation -- questions that would have avoided even hinting that maybe she had done something to deserve being hit. That's probably what she wanted and/or needed.

If I was in your situation, even if she flipped out on me in e-mail, I'd probably just tell her that I was sorry that what I said had hurt her feelings; I'd tell her that I meant to help her and didn't mean to hurt her; and I'd tell her I was sorry that she (or whomever) was in this abusive relationship, and I'd advise her (or whomever) for her own well-being to get some support locally and to leave this guy.

If a woman is being abused, it's such a violation of her as a person that it's a touchy subject to "explore" like you did. She can't be impersonal like you were being; it's VERY personal to her. In that case, it's best just to console, encourage, relate, and advise to get help.

(Later on, maybe she'll have some distance to explore her own attitudes in her relationships. But right now, she needs to just get out and know that people empathize with her.)

Answer 7

No you were not wrong. We answer these questions trusting that the person asking is legitimate or really wants help. There are a lot of fruitcakes here and her response to you was a very good example of why people hit her.

Answer 8

psychology was the category? That is a troublesome place I actually avoid answering anything there, but to each his own, now you gotta ask your self do I do that again? If her action troubled you I would say pick and choose a little more careful. I leaned that before I address most questions I go back on that person, answers and question,trying to get a feel of their being( if you will).

Answer 9

What minister? Could you add on with whom you are speaking of?

I don't agree with hardly any of them. On any subject.

Out of my own curiosity I did some digging on who you are talking about and what I can tell you is to calm down, because you are letting a complete stranger affect you so negatively. No one knows but you what your circumstances are. You really should let it go. The advice you get on a place like this doesn't determine what you are going to do about your life, now, in the morning, or the next day. This person doesn't know you and what you may or may not be going through.

how can you people agree with this minister and not all people hit me! REBUTTAL?
what kind of people are on this forum? this minister said people who abuse are justified in kicking your *** and that the abused need to take responsibility for getting their *** kicked for no reason. what kind of retarded nonsense **** is this? yeah im upset cause you people make no sense and have no morals? did oj's wife deserve to die, along with her pets? NO! do children who get beat by their abusive parents black and blue deserve it ? No! thats why there is DCFS to put you scum in check! Do women who end up in domestic/ battered shelters cause it and deserve it? No. Did the peoples of the holocaust deserve that?No Did African americans ask to suffer unbearable abuse by the hands of whites to gain equal rights and right to happiness, liberty & freddom we all deserve ? This is seriously a messed up and sick society that justifies and condones violence of any sort. you people are sick and No I have never hit anyone and never will cause I have sense and morals.

Additional Details

39 minutes ago
THIS BASTARD CALLED ME A ***** JUST CAUSE I STOOD UP 4 MYSELF. WHAT KIND OF MINISTER/PRIEST IS THIS. PROBABLY THE KIND THAT MOLEST CHILDREN

35 minutes ago
mysterious
1 hour ago

what do you think of jorginsons answer to my question regarding men hitting women? do u think he is an evil as
shole?. I THINK HE IS EVIL CAUSE I DONT THINK ANYONE SHOULD EVER HIT ANYONE 4 ANY REASON.

ANSWER BY JORGINSON
it seems that you may have a problem that you fail to mention. why are these men hitting you? i suspect that you have a very lousy personality that drives people to hit you. i am not excusing them, it is never right to hit someone, but it probably explains why. your attititude in your question shows that you seem to have a superiority complex and you are also a person who craves pity. both of these traits are very undesirable in a woman. why don't you take responsibility for what you have done instead of blaming others.
no one will ever hit you unless you somehow drive them to it.
i'm sorry i have to tell you this but maybe you should be nice to people, they probably will treat you better then.
this is your real problem. if peop

7 answers
You can't answer your own question.



Search the Web to research your answer.
U LYING ***** I NEVER SAID EVERYONE HITS ME

Answer 10

Well she probably wasn't a nut, she probably just mis-understood the advice you gave her. You did nothing wrong to answer her question, you were just trying to give her help. Maybe people hit her because she is being abused, and she got emotional about the answer you gave her? I hope I helped.