after 30 years of marraige i found out my husband has been cheating on me with a married woman. He hasn't ever been a good provider having gone through more jobs than i can count, so i also feel he has been using me. i kicked him out and he has been living with my daughter. she has told him that she would never except this other woman and she believes him when he tells her he is no longer seeing her. she says if he was she would kick him out because that would mean he is also lying to her. i recently saw the two of them together and told my daughter but she continues to let him live there. i feel very hurt and betrayed by her because she swore she would never accept this relationship. i have told her i can't talk to her anymore. am i wrong?
2006-06-18 14:05:44 · 33 answers · asked by bpositive 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your daughter should be showing you much more respect and communicating with you - i can understand she shouldn't and probaly doesn't want to be involved -however him living with her puts her center stage also ---she did tell you she wouldn't be able to accept this woman and clearly she has if he is still seeing her.
She needs to own up to you what she truly believes and feels about her father...it is only fair to all involved and YOU DO DESERVE to know her true feelings --you are not wrong for feeling betrayed it is only a human reaction that you would be hurt. You haven't asked her to choose - it seems like she has.
My answer is yes you have every right to feel she has betrayed you .... You will always love her especially as her mother - however you dont have to like her at this time - go with how you feel and what is in your heart..... you do not need to call her and apologize b/c you have done nothing wrong....Most importantly remember her dad will not be living with her forever and eventually she will see his true colors ..... Wait it out ....
2006-06-19 04:11:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hey, sometimes its hard to see the truth. Like with your daughter, maybe she feels she should give her father a second chance. Or maybe she thinks that if she saw it for herself she would believe it. Some people go through life trying to be shielded. Maybe you should talk to your daughter, because maybe she is hurt, and has nobody to turn to. She might need you. Sometimes we never want things to change, we want it to stay the same so maybe we don't want to see the truth. Maybe your daughter thinks that it will hurt her more to know the truth. Since I don't know your daughter or the relationship you have with her I can't tell you to much more. Just continue to have a relationship with your daughter. because you both need to talk and get out these feelings about the situation.
2006-06-18 14:14:48 · answer #2 · answered by Fire 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. You are wrong. Do not attempt to put your children into the middle of your relationship with their dad.
It's painful enough for your children to know that their dad is a shmuck, but to also have you pulling on them from another side is heartbreaking. Kids want to love their parents no matter how awful those parents have behaved. Your daughter isn't trying to hurt or betray you. Don't take her on a guilt trip.
I'm so sorry that your husband has proven to be such a slimeball. I really am. But don't exacerbate the situation by attempting to make your children choose sides. You may not like their choice.
2006-06-18 14:34:06 · answer #3 · answered by Bob S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think u need to be there for your daughter, because i can guarantee u that she is hurting from this aswell, and she would not want to let her father on the street. she would do the same for u as she would her father,my parents divorced when i was12 years old and i was alwyas blamed for it even though it was him who was having an affair, i lived with my mother until i was 19 then moved out on my own, i kept contact with both my mum and dad and, my mother feeling betrayed by my dad decided i was not allowed in her life because i was talking to my dad. my mum died last year and i just wish that she could understand where i was coming from.
i think maybe u need to accept that your daughter needs a relationship with both of u and what happened was not her fault but your husbands.
talk to your husband and tell him maybe he should find a place of his own, talk to your daughter let her into your home, if u don't want to be at her place because of your ex tell her you dont feel right and ask her to visit u instead.
anyway u need her asmuch as she needs u, dont blame her for any of this she is not trying to betray u in anyway, if anyone betrayed u it was your husband. good luck i hope u can be happy, i know how ur daughter feels and i honestly hope u can talk to your daughter. look after your self
2006-06-18 14:16:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are wrong!
Your life and your marriage are your own. You need to own them; instead of looking for validation from your child.
Your adult daughter is entitled to have whatever relationship she chooses with her Father. If her Father disappoints her, it is your responsibilty to offer love and guidance. Your support and acceptance of her should not be conditional on her rejection of her Father.
You need to tell her that you were wrong. Apologize and take it back.
Also, get some healing. Pray. You are using your daughter to create a bitter wall of righteousness; in an attemtp to thwart your pain. Wrong.
Write down the truth about your marriage and face it. Don't burden your daughter with this.
2006-06-18 14:21:17 · answer #5 · answered by limendoz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter may be a little put in the middle. She shouldn't be but she is. Your husband should have never involved her. It will ruin and is ruining the mother daughter relationship. Not to mention most girls(including me) are daddy's girls so they tend to want to believe that daddy is perfect. Talk to her. Don't let that relationship suffer because of your husbands mistakes.
2006-06-18 14:09:37 · answer #6 · answered by SweetestHoney 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Daughters love their fathers - end of story.
She may not like what he has done to your marriage but she is probably torn between doing the right thing by him and what affects you!
Your poor daughter - she is probably in a real state about this, and now has to contend with the fact that her mother won't speak to her.
Shame on you!!! You may have lost your husband but it doesn't mean you have to lose your daughter as well.
Foolish woman!
2006-06-18 14:10:40 · answer #7 · answered by LadyRebecca 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a mom myself, I have to say it's not fair to make your daughter choose between you and her dad. She loves you both unconditionally. It's her decision to let him continue to live there. Let her make it. Try to understand how your daughter feels. She's caught in the middle of the two people she loves the most. Let her do what she feels is right for her.
2006-06-18 14:15:23 · answer #8 · answered by fungirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter what.. its still her dad. That is a bad spot for a daughter to be in. If you love her, you would understand that as a fact. Also would show your daughter that you have a more understanding and graceful heart.... because even if your husband does not matter to you anymore, your daughter will always matter.
2006-06-18 15:02:50 · answer #9 · answered by lolitakali 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tina's right. She shouldn't be in the middle. She loves her father as much as she loves you and she shouldn't have to choose sides or even play a part in it all. Its understandable that you feel betrayed, just try to see it from her end too. It must break her heart also to see this happen between the two of you.
2006-06-18 14:11:15 · answer #10 · answered by ~∂Їβ~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋