I'm 35, smart, pretty, and still single.?

Question

I'm terribly lonely & depressed. I've almost given up hope of finding someone that I can grow old with. I need to hear from some of you that have been in my situation, but are now happy with someone. How you met, details, etc. I need some hope people!!!!

Answer 1

Well, hello, Florida woman with a messed-up icemaker. Did it get fixed?

Far too many of us are in your same condition. I have had relationships, some successful and some not. I have had to learn, over a long time, how to value ties to people and forgive failings. Looking for the "perfect" person is not necessarily the route to success.

Sometimes people unconsciously sabotage relationships, causing themselves to always end up frustrated and alone - and not knowing how or why that happened.

So although this is not the kind of answer you asked for, it is my best advice to you: Look back at what worked, and what didn't. Take the time to rather coldly analyze yourself and your actions, and see whether you might have unknowingly created obstacles or rejected people because you did not subsconsciously want to succeed. I am not "blaming the victim" in this advice, just suggesting that when we have behavior that is not successful, it means we need to know more about it and change it.

(Edited out a bunch of stupid stuff pitching myself.) Chaucer girl (who must have been an English Major) gave some really good comments. I agree with her that if you focus first on being happy with yourself and doing well in life, it is so much easier to discover you can be happy with someone else. Erich Fromm's book, "The Art of Loving," was a gift I made to both of my daughters when they were teens. It helped them, eventually, when they decided their Dad had a few smarts after all. Although pop psychology, the book distills quite well the different characteristics of varying aspects of love - and always goes back to the old theme: If you can love yourself first, then you can love another - and accept love.

And, oh, by the way - Dr. Phil actually follows most of these same precepts.

Answer 2

Hey Manatee--I hear you. Oh do I hear you.
My best friends and I have wrestled with this situation for years. Starter marriages all around. I feel like there's too much to say in such a short space! So I'll get right to What Worked (for me anyhow).
I had to stop looking. Or being looked for, or whatever.
Not easy. Had to decide Mr. Almost is never an acceptable substitute for Mr. Right. Gave myself permission to be single.
I started thinking, well, what if I don't get married? How would I want my life to be? I started seeing the positives about being on my own--and there are lots of them! It was easier to realize, then, how lucky I was. I didn't take the people and things in my life for granted. And if I wanted kids, I knew I had options (aside from marriage). Basically, I got to the point where I was happy with my life as it was. Without a man. none. period.
And then...
Sure, we've all heard that it's when you stop looking that you're found. What I didn't see in that cliche was the nugget of truth: it's because you stop looking that you're found. My husband would not have loved the woman I was when I was dating like a maniac. I had to make peace with myself as a single, professional woman (with no need to apologize!) before I could have the marriage I really wanted.
So the good news is: what you need, you already have.
I can't pretend it's easy to fight the pressure society puts on us to get married. But try not to add to that pressure yourself. It's tough to hold your head up under all that weight.
Good luck. Believe in you. I do!

Answer 3

What the hell do you have to be depressed about? Read this site for awhile and that'll cure you!! You're gonna read about women that would give their right arm to be you - to not be saddled with a houseful of kids and a lazy husband who doesn't care if you live or die....and there's millions of em out there!

But, if you really want to jump into this pool then get happy somehow because there's no quicker turn-off to guys than a "downer" woman, no matter how attractive you may be. What attracts guys is a genuine smile and a "I love life" attitude.

Answer 4

I can't say I have gone through exactly what you are going through but for many years I was depressed and stressed because I was with the wrong kind of man. I n my case I asked God to send me a good man ...someone I could really love and would love me just the way I am...and while I waited for him to answer my prayers I tried to be the best woman I could be so that when he came along I would be ready for him. And now I have found someone and I can say I truly love him and he truly loves me and it feels wonderful and it was worth the wait and all those rough times I went through makes me appreciate what I have now that much more and the same will be true of you. When we met I was not even looking to be bothered I was actually upset because a friend of mine was dragging me somewhere with her I didn't really want to go and but being the friend I was I went and I met him. Look at it this way ....that person that's out there for you give God time to help them grow into the type of person you need to love you and then let him bring them into your life .

Answer 5

I've seen a commercial on eharmony.com you should check it out. The founder of that dating service is a doctor/psychiatrist. You create a profile of yourself and they match you with other people based on your interests,personality and compatibility. They've had people who met on that site and gotten married. So don't give up!
You can also take up an activity or classes or courses that's of interest to you that you know is going to have men in them. For instance, you don't want to take a pottery class because it's catered to mostly women.
The one thing I don't recommend is don't try to meet men in a dance club or a bar because it's only just a meat market and one night stands.

Answer 6

you're not alone. And are men REALLY worth it? I'd like to say no, but haven't figured out how. Sorry. Looking forward to this answer myself

Answer 7

Hey Lady. Don't give up. I know for a fact that there is the right man out there. Just be happy and live your life to the fullest. And he will one day be standing right next to you.

Answer 8

I'm sorry your in this situtation and wish I knew who you really are.( for I'm there also ) The only thing I can say is, keep your chin up and the one that was ment to be with you will come along and it will happen. My chin is high !!!

Answer 9

As a man I must tell you that regardless of looks or smarts, lonely & depressed women are a turn-off. Go places where you will have fun in your own element (baseball game, church picnic, fishing tournament, whatever) and let things happen. Good luck.

Answer 10

Less ego and more interest in the other person would help.

Not that I know. My two wives left me because they wanted someone who made more money.

Forget the online dating services. Get out there and volunteer for things that attract men as volunteers, and look to help, not for a man.