My daughters hate me because I said NO for the first time.They are both teens.They also have a stepdad?

Question

Should I go back to giving them everthing they want?

Answer 1

WOW- No should be one of the first words they learn!! Kids need limits, and if you don't have control at an early age, it'll be hard to get it now!!

My son is 15 and I'm a single mom. I let him do a lot because he's earned my trust in certain areas, but he knows that when I say no, I mean it, and I usually have a good reason, which I explain to him. By keeping an open dialog he understands that I'm not just doing things to make his life a living nightmare, but because I love him and want him to be happy, healthy, and successful in life.

Yes, he hollers and calls me names when I tighten the reins; but he has learned(somewhat) to trust my judgement. Over the years it has happened often enough that he has seen his friends get into some kind of trouble or another, and I can point it out as an example of why I didn't want him to do whatever it was. Now as a teen, he also sees how many of his friends have been ignored and their parents treat them like an inconvenience.

I have my son's computer set up to log his Instant Messages, and I go on his MySpace - he knows I do it to keep an eye on what he's up to and what his "buddies" are up to as well. Of course he wishes I didn't; but he doesn't get in trouble for every little thing that comes up either - I mostly use it as an opening to a discussion about issues that could have a major impact on his future.

I just want you to know, though, that the girls are very sexually aggressive nowadays. I recently found a Picture Message on my son's phone that some girl had sent of herself topless - and she's in 8th grade!!! I don't know this girl or her parents, but that just blows my mind that they don't know what she's up to! Of course I discussed with him that just because these girls are willing to do that (and more) doesn't mean he should encourage it -- but honestly, how is a 15 year old boy going to say no?

So be proud that you said no, and get used to saying it and tell them to get used to hearing it, because you love them and you don't want them to make mistakes that they'll regret one day. Also remind them that a parent's job is to prepare the child for adult life, not to be a "friend" or piggy-bank. In the real world, no one just gets whatever they want, and nothing is free. It's called tough love -- better late than never!!

Stick to your guns and Good luck!!

Answer 2

No, you should not. But First, Let me EXPLAIN. Spoiling your children is a form of child abuse, gone unoticed. I'm sure you are a wonderful mother, I know it's hard not to give your children everything they want. They are your kids, your life. But giving your kids everything they want WILL hurt them later in life. They will never learn to be self sufficent, Financially independent, or learn important life lessons. You also need to understand that these girls will not understand why, after all these years, you stop giving them everything they ask for. You, as the mom, need to explain to your daughters WHY they cannot have everything they want. Are they old enough for jobs? Maybe working at a daycare would help. Your daughters would then understand a little more about childcare, and how it feels! In fact, your girls getting any job would help them understand the value of money, and actually working to get something. Don't cave in. even when you find those puppy dog eyes staring up at you, stay strong, stay frim. God bless you!

Answer 3

i know plenty of kids whos parents give them anything they want and those kids are spoiled brats and i dont like any of them. like the person said before me YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE FRIEND you are their parent. Im 14 right now and i dont want my parents to give me everything I want because i know that ill become a spoiled brat too and probably lose all my friends. And thats another good reason not to give them what they want because if their brats none will want be there friend and they will be lonly all the time. Good job on saying no you have some courage some parents are too scared they will offend their child and then they never say no so then those kids get into the adult world and expect everything to be given to them and then they learn the cold hard truth.

Answer 4

I'm sorry but that is just pathetic that they hate you like that. I am a teenager and my parents say no to me and I'm just like "fine whatever". Absolutely never go back to giving them everything they want. You should even say no to your kids more often so they get over it. If they hate you for just saying no, maybe they should go to a therapist or something.

I don't mean to make you feel bad about yourself, and I'm sorry your kids hate you. Tell them to relax. Or show them the page of responses to your question.

Answer 5

HELL NO! I'm 16 and I actually prefer not getting everything when I want it... I'm sooo glad my parents never spoiled me! Its made me such a better person! I had to work hard and buy myself a new computer even though my parents are rich and could easily afford one, it made me appretiate it a lot more... I have to earn their trust and work for my freedom, they don't just hand me a curfew, they slowly gave me more oppertunities to build trust and as I made good choices they gave me more freedom... It's just how things work! God, I'd HATE your daughters prolly... And no, I'm not some nerdy loser, I get along with any different group of friends because my parents raised me well... I get along with the preps, the alcoholics, the stoners, the nerds, the christians, you name it, I'm friends with them... And thats because I'm not some spoiled brat that always has to get her way!

Answer 6

If you give in to them, then they're going to think that they can get everything from you, then you will never get rid of them, and they will be living at home when they are 30. They won't get a job, won't go to university, and won't want to do anything because you'll be giving everything they want to them...they will get over it...they sound like spoiled brats to me...

Answer 7

I'm sorry to break it to you, but that's how this all started in the first place.. Giving your daughters EVERYTHING they want is the wrong thing to do in raising teens.. Trying to gain their approval of LIKING you is not as effective as them RESPECTING you.. For example, they may not like you today for saying no but like you tomorrow for saying yes.. But, in respect they will always respect you and know their boundaries.. Like comes and goes but respect is most important and will be there forever..Its effective!!

Answer 8

You're the parent. You make the rules.
They need to understand that. If you give them everything they want they are going to walk all over you if not already.

Answer 9

Good for you for saying no! don't go back on your word. saying no is part of being a good parent. they are going to be mad at you for lots of things, thats part of the teen package. your job is to be their parent, not the nice best friend who gives them whatever they want. it might help if you tell your teens why you are saying no and how you care for them but giving them whatever they want because you feel guilty is definitely not the way to go.

Answer 10

no way ur kids are hella spoiled they shouldn't be geting every thing cause once u die and the finish your life inserence money in about 5 sec after they become whores live off there bodys lol