D-Day of none
To have the blast of rifles firing
so near to my ear
Yet it sounds calm and Serene
As if whispers to hear
But to see burning bullets wisp by..
More like a conflict of art
Than the images of war.
In more ways than one, it stills my heart
To see the short-lived, deadly eruptions
Of fire and debris
The intensity shakes the earth,
-Ever silent to me.
The first and last waves of blood
From the ocean behind,
The price we've paid, we pay it still
Of crimson red, beautiful, kind.
All the soldiers charge forward
The hero's lay still
Cowards cry over their fate
The brave fight it with an iron will.
2006-06-18 11:20:54 · 9 answers · asked by leon_godless 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
That was nice. Touching. Great Job!
2006-06-18 23:15:27 · answer #1 · answered by Ann 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is the 21st century, no rhyming poetry sells. Wake up, nobody rhymes anymore. It died with T.S. Eliot and Robert Frost.
This is such a trite topic, which has been written thousands and thousands of times, most of which are better than this one. I'm sorry, but "The price we've paid, we pay it still/Of crimson, red, beautiful, kind." doesn't even make sense. How can something be crimson and red? It's kind and beautiful or is it of red, beautiful kind? What the hell are you trying to say.
Seriously, how can the "blast of rifles" fire near your ear? You mean the rifles fire near your ear? Honestly, work on learning how to speak the English language before you write poetry, or write it and don't show anybody.
2006-06-18 15:51:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, it's a good poem. I like the vivid imagery and the rhyme scheme. Keep up the good work. I'm an artist myself-I'm a singer/songwriter. I'm on myspace.com/shosmusic
Keep doing what you're doing
2006-06-18 11:25:42 · answer #3 · answered by myspace.com/shosmusic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like the first part then the flow was lost in the forth and picked up again in the fifth part...its well written and has meaning but i have trouble with the one line[ the first and last waves of blood
From the ocean behind] it interrupts your flow
2006-06-18 13:46:48 · answer #4 · answered by Clyde 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it a lot it taking aobut some war and what a person is seeing i like how it is talking aobut art and has good distriptive words
2006-06-18 13:19:39 · answer #5 · answered by thirdrockloser 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Interesting that you wrote this without political biased.
2006-06-18 11:24:43 · answer #6 · answered by cute_valley_boys 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is good, your imagery is vivid and I like your wording.
2006-06-18 11:26:03 · answer #7 · answered by tyger_willow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
onward friend onward !! please send autographed copy !
2006-06-18 15:52:52 · answer #8 · answered by tithe institute 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that... was... COOL!!!
2006-06-18 11:24:10 · answer #9 · answered by me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋