(i'm asking this again because time was running out!)
I've slept with my best friend a couple of times, it was her initiative, and now she's suddenly not speaking to me any more... i think she's scared people will find out... and i miss her like crazy. what should i do?
by the way, this is the first experience with a girl for both of us. we've only had boyfriends before.
2006-06-18 09:45:51 · 24 answers · asked by sally 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
i've talked to her now, and i didn't mention the sex but asked what had changed. she was completely distant and would only talk about how our friendship was too close and that it was only really based on our mutual boyfriend (okay, i guess it's time to mention this: she butted into my relationship with a guy and to keep him i stupidly agreed to a three-person relationship. he broke it off after a month saying he had used us as an ego-boost and had never loved us.). i don't think so at all, and i still don't know what to do. i wish i could just forget her, but we see each other constantly at work. i miss her so much.
2006-06-18 09:53:32 · update #1
time is almost over, but if anyone wants to write me directly, please feel free! anything helps!!
2006-06-30 13:20:23 · update #2
As always, you just can't make someone have a relationship with you. If she has feelings for you but is unwilling to accept herself for having them, nothing you can say or do can change her inward turmoil. You can suggest that she go to counseling, etc, but after that the ball is in her court. You undoubtedly don't want to lose her as a friend, so let her know that you still want to maintain a relationship with her (but don't use the "r" word, actually - stick to friendship) and whether or not y'all decide to go further with it can be discussed. If she is unwilling to talk to you, there is really nothing you can do but give her space and hope for the best. Time works wonders, and if you approach her at a later date asking maybe to go on a double date or something that cannot be construed as a romantic engagement, that would give y'all another chance to talk. Remember that forcing her into anything she doesn't want to do or talk about could distance her from you forever, whereas giving her space can only help in the long run. Try to remember that even if there is something between the two of you, it does not have to happen RIGHT NOW. Good luck!
2006-06-18 11:29:40 · answer #1 · answered by oldwhatshername 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Editted: When I first posted, there was no other answers and by the time I clicked the "post button" folks had answered, but I am leaving my response anyways.
Okay, since it seems that no one is answering you so let me try. First off, I am not gay, but I think the reasons she could not be speaking to you could be varied just like any other couple or relationship.
You need to call her and and tell her what you posted here. That you feel she has pulled away and does not seem to be talking to you and you are wondering why. Give her a chance to explain herself.
If she does not want to, there is really nothing you can do. You can let her know you care about her and would do nothing to hurt her. Let her know she can call you and you are there for her.
Also, she may have decided that your relationship was more of an "experiment" and nothing she wants to repeat. This is sad if you want to pursue it and she does not, but it has to be her choice also. And if she HAS decided not to continue on this avenue she may be embaressed or regretful that she even took the first step. If you can "just be friends" with her again, let her know this.
2006-06-18 09:50:00 · answer #2 · answered by Raynanne 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've never gone through this but i believe it will pass, you guys might never be close again and as you know SEX only does 2 things make people really really close ( might breed jealousy) or make people feel disgust towards each other.
I'm guessing your friend is feeling guilt and remorse, regardless of if she initiated it or not. Only time will tell which angle she will go after the guilt/remorse stage. But one thing is clear your friendship will NEVER be the same again. Goodluck.
2006-06-18 09:53:00 · answer #3 · answered by nkirejc 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might figure out you are Bi or Gay, but she might not be and was just trying girls out. Or she is Bi or Gay but won't deal with it for a long time. Maybe you could meet some Gay women and see how you relate.
Girls hurt other girls lots of the time in this situation, I think it is quite common that the interaction was really important, meaningful and emotional for one person but the other one can't acknowledge it. Its good to just sleep with lesbians then they don't go running back to guys because they have freaked out.
2006-06-28 11:10:20 · answer #4 · answered by Rose Button 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the samething happen. Let things cool down a minute. She is probably freaked out with denial. When things cool down then you approach her and apologies for whatever you think went wrong. Assure her that if she doesn't want it to it will never happen again. I hope that helps! Good luck
2006-06-18 10:02:51 · answer #5 · answered by K SHINE 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i had a similar situation but we didnt sleep together.. its been almost 3 years since i told her that i had feelings for her.. and we stil arent as close as we used to be..
seriously.. try to get your friend back.. call her and tell her that you need to talk to her.. get it all out on the table..
i made the mistake of giving my friend too much time to think things through..
2006-06-28 16:22:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should try and keep tryign to talk just have a sit down heart to heart and if nothing come of it you should move on girl i know it sounds mean but it the only way why put yourself throw all thie hurt
2006-06-18 15:36:10 · answer #7 · answered by jjbingham29 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she needs to break that fear, if she is afraid of being found out. being in the closet is a pain the a$$. just tell her that it's nobody's business if you're gay or straight or bi. if she doesn't come out of it, then you'll have to go to someone else. no sense in trying to get water from a dry well.
i hope it goes well for ya and your friend. (hail love)
2006-06-18 09:53:16 · answer #8 · answered by gaygoddevil 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah just be honest and talk to her about it. You'll never know how she truely feels if you don't talk to her. So you guys wanted to mess around with each other to experiment or it just happened???
2006-06-18 09:49:32 · answer #9 · answered by mccamel1666 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes i have been in your shoes i would ask her if you could talk to her alone and find out how you both feel about each other. then go from there. there nothing wrong with love
2006-06-18 10:32:40 · answer #10 · answered by D.A. O' Dell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋