Is this normal?????what is going on with my son??

Question

My son has went out w/ a very few girls....2 when he was 16....dumped them because he thought they were annoying......now he's seeing a girl for about 5 months....he is now 22...he was seeing her ALL the time....now he is avoiding her...I feel bad because she is sooo sweet....She looks like the younger version of Racheal on Friends..is my son just not ready for a commitment....he told her last night that he doesn't want to keep seeing her 24/7....they work together...but Scott is looking into a different job...he tells me he likes her....why is he behaving the way he is?? He didn't want anything to do w/ her all week-end....he is just hanging around the house...she keeps calling.....what can I say to her....if anything?? I just feel sooo bad.....she is a really nice girl....help!!

Answer 1

I think young guys try to avoid feeling like they are dependent on any one else. There are pressures on men to be protectors, to have strength, and to be independent- or be able to do things on their own. Now a days people in there 20's don't really take relationships seriously- average age for first marriage now is 28-30 yrs. This is a difficult situation for you, but you have to be there for your son first. I would stay out of all of this. Unless the girlfriend asks for your advice, don't say anything. Maybe your son is just confused and doesn't know if this girl is worth spending all of his time with. Guys are weird like that. Some guys just keeps girls around until they find someone better. Maybe its an ego thing. Maybe he feels like he SHOULD have a girlfriend, and thats why he is keeping her around. I think he is totally normal, but you should maybe tell him that he shouldn't treat his girlfriend this way, and if "he's just not that in to her" to break up with her because its not fair for her to be treated this way. And its not worth it to stay with her to avoid hurting her. That way the girl can move on and find a guy that will treat her the way she deserves to be treated. Your son just has to find the right girl, he is probably treating his current girlfriend like this because he isn't "in love" with her, he might think she's a nice girl, but there's no spark, nothing magnetic that pulls him in towards her. Hopefully once he's found the right girl he will pay her more attention. Relationships should be all-or-nothing, not something in between.

Answer 2

Stay out of it. It is obvious he has lost interest in her, and your trying to console her or push him on dating her will only worsen the situation. You have to realize he is a grown man and having mommy jump in to help is another problem not a help. He's only 22, he's going to move around from girl to girl like this for the next few years. When he finds someone he can spend every day with, he will know it and make the commitment. Dont push him into this too early. It will only end badly.

Answer 3

Your son is an adult now. There is nothing that you can do. He has some type of issues, and until he can figure them out and decide on the proper way to deal with them, things will only remain this way. I would like to ask you, if your household is still intact? By that I mean are you and his Dad married and still together. His behavior could and probably does come from examples that he has been accustomed to seeing most of his life. I would be willing to talk more in depth if you are interested. go18wheeler@yahoo

Answer 4

If i was working with my bf and always spending time with him, i would be doing the same thing. He just needs space that is all. So him finding another job is a good thing. Tell her that their relationship is to clustered and they need sometime apart. They dont need to see each other every day of the week. That will get him bored with her. I see my bf once or 3 times out of the week and i am happy for that space.

Answer 5

Some guys know days just dont wont to be bothred or maybe she did something hes not letting any one know try to speak to them both at the same time very maturely and let them know whats up.I m a good guy and jelous people men and women broke me and my girl up because men and women tried sleeping with both of us, but thank god my eyes were on, she on the other hand became a duck

Answer 6

I agree not much YOU can do. I suppose you can tell the girl the same thing you said here, but that won't fix anything and it will probably make your son angry at you for intruding into his affairs.

I do have a suggestion though. Time for your son to move out and learn what it is like to have to live life alone....unsupported. Time to take off the training wheels. He will soon learn to be responsible.

Answer 7

It could be possible that he does not want a commitment but it also sounds like he is depressed about something. I would take the time to talk to him and find out what is wrong with him and not his relationship with his girlfriend. Maybe he just needs some space from the dating seen.

Answer 8

Seems like he needs some alone time. Or hanging out with his guy friends. Doesn't matter who she looks like or how sweet she is, everyone needs other people to talk to. Do you just hang with your husband and no one else...EVER. He works with her too. He apparently is getting tired of seeing her 24/7. I get that way with my husband every now & then. Just stay out of it. You don't need to tell her anything, he needs to. He has to talk to her instead of avoiding her. This is where you come in Mom you need to talk to him about not avoiding his responsibilities as a man. It is his reponsibility to let her know what's up. Teach him.

Answer 9

It sounds like he is feeling a bit smothered. Completely normal for a 22 year old guy. If I were you I would stay out of it. You may gently suggest that he be upfront with her because it sounds like she is confused. I wouldn't say ANYTHING to her. I know it must be hard since you don't want to see her hurt, but this is between your son and her.

Answer 10

if he's living at home at 22, then maybe that is why he can't develop a real relationship. and maybe he is scared. i only met my first real gf at 20 and married her. she is the only one i've been with. he is probably very scared and embarrased. let him work it out. he might need a shrink if he has mental problems. what kind of social life does he have? this will ballon and explode on him in his first real relationship. talk to him about this.

OK, FOR THE A HOLE AT THE BOTTOM.... EVEN IF HE IS GAY THAT IS NOT THE CONCERN OF YOU AND NOT THE MOTHER'S CONCERN UNTIL HE IS COMFORTABLE TELLING HER. BEING HOMOSEXUAL IS NOT A CHOICE. HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF SOMEONE THOUGHT YOU WERE SICK FOR HAVING SEX WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX. IT TRULY IS PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO HOLD DOWN THE VERY BREADTH THAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON. YOU ARE LIKE A RACIST... WHY DON'T YOU SEE THAT?