Ever get sick of being the one that apologizes?

Question

Even when your right, your always the one that apologizes in the end just to make peace. Should I continue doing this?

Answer 1

NO! NO! NO! Do not continue. If you're wrong, admit you're wrong. If not, then NEVER apologize! Let the other person...they owe you an apology!

Answer 2

Nope, then the other person then learns to think that your always the one thats going to come around and usually will assume your the guilty party or you the one thats always wrong. People need to learn to admit thier own mistakes..if you right then your right. Don't apologize for anything.

Answer 3

Depends. Are you Married or is it your parents??? If it is your parents you are apologizing to then yes keep saying you are sorry!!!! If spouse No quit giving in all the time!!

Answer 4

I have been where you are, my friend. It took me a while to set a new pattern for myself, but it can be done.

Right now, you apologize all the time because you've been well trained to do so, probably since the time you were quite small. Your parents and others around you likely made it clear that you were meant to take care of THEIR feelings rather than the other way around. Apologizing, even when it's not your fault, is part of that training, and I'll bet that the guilt you feel when you DON'T apologize is ferocious.

Continuing to suck up other people's messes keeps you from having to experience that sense of guilt, not to mention the fallout that comes if you don't do what others expect of you. However, it's a losing proposition. While it seems on the surface like less effort and hassle to just give in, you're actually doing incredible damage to yourself by constantly sacrificing what you need. Likewise, you continue to add to what I'm guessing is by now an enormous pile of anger and frustration (probably experienced as depression) that has accumulated inside of you.

Should you continue this pattern of apologizing, then? NO WAY, JOSE! Time to make some healthy changes! Know that things are not going to alter over night. To be quite frank, they will probably become quite a bit more stormy before they get better. The people who are used to seeing you fold up like an accordian to sing those apologies are not going to appreciate your new strategies at all--not at first, anyway. There is no easy fix here, though. The only way out is through. And you know what? You can do it. I did!

The first thing I would recommend is to do some work inside of yourself. When I was where you are, I had to begin by confronting my own low self-esteem. People trained to take care of everyone but themselves have also generally learned that they do not merit self-protection or self-care--that only other people deserve such things. You'll have to find a way to conquer this lie for yourself. Do whatever necessary--seek counseling, use prayer or daily affirmations--in order to start believing that you are valuable and worthy of something better than you're currently experiencing. Healthy self-love is critical to handling confrontation successfully in the long term.

Second, start doing your level best to detach yourself from the emotions of others in situations where you're expected to take responsibility that doesn't belong to you. Your own feelings have been getting chronically ignored by you and everyone else. Time for you to spend some time considering your own emotions, wants, needs, etc. Again, I know the intense pressure you're probably experiencing when you confront conflict--particularly when someone else doesn't want to admit wrong and expects you to fix things for them. However, you'll have to learn to withstand that emotional/psychological pressure in order to move forward. Remember: You are only responsible for the things YOU do or don't do...not for anyone else's words or actions. Over time, as people realize that their emotional manipulations aren't going to work any longer in getting you to clean up their messes, they'll likely get over it, calm down, or find someone else to torment. You'll be better off in any case!

Again, be prepared for the fact that old patterns won't change over night or with the first encounter. You'll need to demonstrate CONSTENCY OVER TIME in order for people to get the message that things have shifted and aren't going to go back to the way they were--no matter how much they try to wheedle and manipulate. The consistency part is extremely important...Without it, people will think for much longer that they still have a shot at getting you to fold in the long run. You want change to come as quickly as possible!

Another word of advice. Stay calm. Be polite. Be loving. But be firm. You're setting healthy boundaries regarding how you will engage with others--and how you expect them to engage with you. If you're rude or throw a temper tantrum, you lose credibility. Do your very best, no matter how hard, to keep your cool. State your case kindly and concisely, then walk away if necessary and let the other person adapt. Don't get caught up in their storm. No matter how they treat you, reply with calmness and kindness. Try it! It's empowering! In addition, when you behave in this way, the other person can never point a finger at you with any real honesty. Eventually, they will have no one's bad behavior to focus on but their own.

Once you start demonstrating to people regularly that you now respect yourself and won't accept their emotional shenanigans, they'll have little choice but to start respecting you, too--and treating you a whole lot differently!

Best of luck on a new and happier path!!

Answer 5

yes, i get tired apologizing if its not my fault but if it is then i don't mind.

Answer 6

not at all until the other persons r ur parents

Answer 7

I'm sorry to say, yes.

Answer 8

stop it
it's annoying

Answer 9

no do what is best for you,

Answer 10

HELL YEAH!!