my freind died in a massive car crash last week leaving behind 2 month old twins as her parents were both killed along with the babys dad i am now their next of kin i dont have any kids of my own so dont know if i would make a good mum to the boy but my parents have promised to help & i dont want to let my mate down help me ?
2006-06-18 06:39:38 · 15 answers · asked by tracy b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
one of the boys has downs they found out the day of the crash i love them both to bits
2006-06-18 06:55:56 · update #1
just a short up date for you all boys are now home with me & we are all doing fine as soon as i held them both everything fell in to place thanks for all your advice guys we all thank you xx
2006-06-20 02:45:49 · update #2
oh my dear, what a tradgedy. i am so very sorry.
im sure if u take these children on, u will be a wonderful mother because u love them and obviously care very much. you are lucky to have such wonderful, supportive parents. take them up on thier offer of help and im sure u will do a good job. with parenting, u learn as u go along. all parents make mistakes but that is how we learn. just do your best, that is all u can do. u sound like a truely wonderful person and obviously your mate saw this in u. im sure u wont let her down. all any mother wants is for her children to be looked after and loved. it takes a special person to do this and it sounds like u are that special person. i admire u as your life will be changed forever and it will be hard but take all the help and support u can get and i am sure u will do great. you are a true friend and a very special person! i wish u all the best.
2006-06-18 08:06:59 · answer #1 · answered by crophilia 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Very sorry to hear about your friend and her family.
You need to give yourself time to grieve and talk through with either friends or a councellor how you feel, and whether you can realistically take on this responsibility. At the moment it must seem so big and daunting, and I'm not here to say that it won't be, but your friend was going to manage wasn't she. There are also many other people that do, and they have good lives.
If you are to do it, you must try not to resent the children, for anything. They didn't choose this, anymore than you did. This seems obvious now but when they are older it might be harder to remember.
I am not here to say do it or don't do it. But you really need to know what will happen on both sides depending on what you choose. For example what will happen to them if you choose not to have them? How would you feel about this outcome? and on the other side if you were to have them, where would you live? what benefits are you entitiled to, as this will be your full time work, for at least the next 5 yrs.
Also you would need to look into what help can be provided for you, for example respite care (services that give the main care giver a break). I would say that if you are to do this, you have to use the care services that are available, and not make it your and your families personal burden. This would not benefit the children.
You could consider going to parenting skills classes. and courses that help people to learn to live with people with learning disabilities. Don't worry if it doesn't come naturally, if you are willing to learn then you'll get there.
However it is not selfish, if you decide not to. You are entitled to have your own life and make your own choices. It was very un-fortunate what happened to their family, however you really need to think about if YOU want to do this, as if you don't and you do it for their sake, there is a chance that you may not provide good quality care for these children. I'm sure thats the last thing you want.
Being around people with downs syndrome can be so rewarding, as they can be very loving and comunicative. However they will need extra support, especially in later life.
Good luck in which ever decision you make. Just make sure its not a hasty decision that you will regret. Get talking to people and researching what your choice will actually entail. Fore warned is fore armed!
2006-06-18 07:46:12 · answer #2 · answered by As You Like It 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats an amazing thing to do - your friend obviously thinks you are a special person if she wants you to look after them. I think you will do fine. You have your family to support you and I'm sure the fathers family will want to help out too. However you have to be 100% sure you want to do this. After all it is your life and having any child - let alone twins - will take up the majority of it. If you really feel you cannot give the kids what they need then think about fostering. there are loads of fantastic couples out there desperate for a child of their own to look after who can give these guys the love and attention they deserve. I wish you good luck in whatever you choose.
2006-06-18 06:52:44 · answer #3 · answered by Showaddywaddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tracy: Wow, what a responsibility. The main thing I noticed is that you said you love them both to bits. This is what is so important. Take advantage of the help from your parents and maybe think about taking a parenting class. You should be able to get financial assistance through the Social Security Administration, so please check on this. Blessings to you.
2006-06-18 07:15:53 · answer #4 · answered by clarabelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not alone, your parents are there to help and im sure the authoritys will help out. Your friend would never have left her children to you if she didnt think that you would love and care for her children. All you can do is your best and with the love off family and friends you will get through this
2006-06-18 06:44:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your the next of kin you have to take them and it will be rewarding. That's terrible news about the family being killed and I wish you lots of luck. Very sad news indeed.
2006-06-18 06:43:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you'll be fine and since ur parents have offered to help i'm sure this is the best thing and ur doing a really great job trying to be their mum.
2006-06-18 06:56:00 · answer #7 · answered by illa_4u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you need to follow your heart. You need to realize that this is a big decision and it will be hard, but they are young and will bond to you. So if you are ready to be a mom, then you should try your hardest. If you don't think you can, then you need to find someone who can now because they are still young enough to find a good home.
2006-06-18 06:43:35 · answer #8 · answered by I_am_me___ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
parenting comes naturally, women have inborn insticts, just care for them as you would a baby. you will do fine, but always remember they need to be watched every second possible at first, then always look out for them, it only takes a second for them to get into serious trouble!you will be a fine mother!
2006-06-18 06:45:33 · answer #9 · answered by sorrells316 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God love you. you are a very special person even to consider this. You will need lots of loving support. All the very best Dirky
2006-06-18 07:07:32 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋