I've known this man for about a year (hes a member of my Martial Arts club). We get on very well, he always makes me laugh and all of that, and I have always had a soft spot for him. HOWEVER he is married with children, and hes 21yrs older than me.
Recently (over the past few months) we started harmlessly flirting (like I do with anyone), but it has started getting worse than that, hes sending me text messages late at night and such and been tongue in cheek with what we say to each other,he really likes me, I can tell that something will happen . I won't lie that I love flirting with him, and I love the attention that I recieve, and if he wasn't married i'm sure I wouldn't mind considering sleeping with him. However, I don't want to sleep with a married man and all of that, I can't even bear to think about it, it makes me sick to consider it... but I can't help but feel drawn to him... I hate myself for feeling like this.
What do I do? I'm so confused... please don't judge me.
2006-06-18 02:51:38 · 22 answers · asked by Emma L 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First, relax and release your feelings of panic. IT is ok. This is normal and you are learning how to deal with this type of situation. Which is good. :)
Please remember to say, "No"! if he trys to touch you. You are RIGHT to feel uncomfortable about this. IT IS highly inappropriate for him to be flirting with you, writing you late at nite, or suggesting anything beyond a friendship. (Platonic)
You are RIGHT to in no way want this type of relationship! Give yourself a BIG pat on the back for that decision. It is so harmful to you, your family, your future husband and children, him, his family, his children, your Martial Arts class, your community, and it even effects everyone in the world. All our actions do. :)
As far as sleeping with someone. It is a really empty feeling to sleep with someone you don't love and want to share the rest of your life with. You may have already experimented, if so, you already know this. Just value yourself and that part of you, more than what some in the world might want you to believe. Cherish that gift and save it for your husband. Someone who can love and appreciate all of you, as well as, the joyful gift of lovemaking.
You are a precious person. I'm glad you asked. You are very capable and I know you will make the right decision for you. Either way remember, "There is ONLY GOOD". Whatever decision you make, you will learn from. Always feel good about yourself and know you are OK. :)
luvs,
2006-06-18 03:06:49 · answer #1 · answered by bluebird 1 · 13⤊ 0⤋
We are only people and although we do struggle to be in control of our lives, when it comes to feelings, we are helpless.
You are and maybe he is too. He has been married for a long time and this friendship with you feels good to him and maybe his feelings towards you are real. Maybe he wants to re-live the single years... He is doing something he shouldn't be doing and this can be very exciting to him.../having "an affair" even if it is platonic/. He also enjoys your attention. Stop flirting with him. Don't cross the line and keep it that way. If your feelings are getting out of control, stop for a while being around him. And ignore his messages. You don't want to be the reason why his marriage would break up or his kids would suffer. What then? When married man cheats once, most of the time he will
always cheat. Don't complicate your life. No married man is worth it.
2006-06-18 10:21:32 · answer #2 · answered by tanyamour79 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say WALK AWAY right now. If he's married and flirting with you, then he's not a very honest man, is he? Think about what his children would feel and think if they found out. If I were you, I would really try to prevent the situation from escalating. You don't want to be with a married man anyway, there's no future there! He's already taken. Even if he left his wife and married YOU, what tells you that he wouldn't start flirting with someone else again??
2006-06-18 09:55:58 · answer #3 · answered by flying.daggers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look ahead and visualize how much better you will feel about yourself when you stop the flirting. If it is possible to join another martial arts club, do so. Time is shorter than you may realize and you need to strike up a relationship with someone who is free to love you. The two of you in the present relationship are enjoying the situation BECAUSE it is risky. Without the risk, it probably wouldn't be so enjoyable. Your question indicates that you know what steps you need to take. I support your integrity and know you can do it.
2006-06-18 10:03:16 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all if it makes you sick to think of him as married. You should also feel the same way by flirting with him also. Right now you're giving the Man attention that he wants and if I was you I would stop the flirting right now. Find someone that single and exciting...............cause by the way you didn't say rather you were seeing anyone or not. Good Luck
2006-06-18 10:08:09 · answer #5 · answered by Joyce B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay hun this is what you do. bring a guy friend to your martial arts lesson, but tell him you guys have to act like bf/gf maybe at the end of class introduce them to each other, then he'll see oh shes got a boyfriend i should just lay off. but really you should calm down the flirting a little bit, i love to flirt but i know when im getting carried away, im married, a little flirting is okay its when you start acting on it and start having feelings that you should stop or slow down, way down!
as for him being married GOOD FOR YOU for not sleeping with him, i absolutely hate people that break up marriages. but remember tell your (b/f (the fake one) dont fight with this guy, because he will probabaly lose!
good luck
2006-06-18 09:58:22 · answer #6 · answered by playfultoyz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you really have a soft spot for him or is it just the attention that he is giving you that you like and makes you think you will go further?
If you decided there is a definate attraction to this male sit him down and talk to him he is probley just like I said above he likes the attention as well, harmless flirting is good anyting else set the boundries straight away!
2006-06-18 09:59:17 · answer #7 · answered by ozi_nut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Emma,
You're moral attitude is wonderful and you obviously are mature and able to make good decisions. I think you know what you need to do but just want that reinforced so do what you know is right and not what your physical emotions might be saying. He's married, he knows he shouldn't be outside his marriage though my guess is he's not completely happy in it so simply tell him that you like being friends but it just can't be anymore than that because your own conscience and moral beliefs won't permit you to be involved in any way outside of friendship with another woman's husband. Personally, I think he's put you in a very unfair position and while I certainly can relate to his attraction to a young woman he should be more mature than to lead you own when he knows he can't openly pursue more than friendship with you.
2006-06-18 10:02:26 · answer #8 · answered by fun_guy_otown 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not ever let someone get the opportunity
to call you a Homewrecker. DO not get involved
in this. You will regret it for your whole life, and to be
honest....it is not worth it. At the beginning it seems like
no harm is going to be done....but the truth always come
to surface, and you will not be happy with the anxiety and
stuff that goes along if you get caught in the middle.
Get out, In time.
2006-06-18 10:00:42 · answer #9 · answered by destiny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah get what you mean. You should think about the consequences u'll be facing if you go ahead with him.. further... its gonna ruin quite a few lives including yours.
you rather stop and back off now and reduce the amt. u flirt... slowly tho dont make it too sudden.. if he doesnt get the hint tell him directly...
you're bound to get guys ur age who'll be as wonderful if not better than this guy so just wait =)
2006-06-18 09:58:19 · answer #10 · answered by Puja N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋