We're going to vacation with inlaws who do not ever dicipline their kids, How do I politely shelter my kids.

Question

My Son is 5 and daughter is 3. In the years they have been on this earth they (I feel ) have balance and boundaries. My Neices and Nephews who are 4-8 yrs old are absolutely out of control. It is impossible to keep my kids from their cousins they only see once a year because we live out of state. I always appear to be the "over the top" mom who everyone say's "let the kids have some fun". Translation is "let your kids do what I'm doing". My sister in law , barely bathes them consistently, Gross bathroom issues (bigger Problem) and clearly inappropriate behaviour from an 8 yr old (bathroom and conversation). I'm without my husband on this trip and I'm concerned because my job is to protect my children , not expose them to the unacceptable ways of their cousins. Everyone in the family talks of this, but no one wants to offend the parents. I just want to descretely shelter my kids, any suggestions are appreciated

Answer 1

My first reaction is not to vacation with unacceptable in-laws. But you'd probably say that just isn't an option - there are, after all, "Family" ! So that means that you are going and the children will be exposed. So there is no way to discretely shelter your children - and there never will be. Children will ALWAYS be exposed to lifestyles, habits, interests, and behavior you do not want them to adopt. Children learn what they live and so your job is to keep them "living" the way you want them to grow. We have all cried to our parents "But Jimmy's mom let's HIM do......" and we have all been the parent that has said, "I'm not Jimmy's mom." Same with "Sally does it" to which the reply is "If Sally jumped off a cliff, would you do that ?"

Make sure your children behave the way you expect them to behave....in play, in the bathroom, at the dinner table, in conversation....blah, blah, blah. And make no apologies to those family members around you who tell you to lighten up or back off. Just smile and nod knowingly and raise your children the way you see fit.

Just a note about my own mother. She taught us from a very early age not to interrupt. And so, as children are wont to do, we'd come running in to where she was with other adults, and she would place her hand on our shoulder (or head,,,,) and that was our signal that she knew we were there and she would turn to us in a moment but that we were to keep quiet until she did so. It took awhile, but we learned and after that - SHE was the envy of every parent around.

You can't shelter your kids from the outside world and you can't control it. All you can do is prepare them for it, let them loose in it, and keep the home life a steady and consistent place for them to learn how to handle it.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I have three girls (5, 6, 8) I also have that in-law family that doesn't set boundaries for their children...... It chaps my @ss! I am forced to be around them 2-3 times a yr. I have gotten to the point that I just don't care what they think! What I do is..... If the kids are around me, I treat them as if they are my own. If their parents don't like it, they will keep the kids away from me! It's a win/ win situation! These kids are really wonderful kids! They are just stuck with two lazy @ss parents!

I too have caught sh*t from my in-laws for the same stuff you are catching it for.... I have told them all to go to hell! I refuse to let my kids act like jack@sses just because they are around their cousins. Actually the cousins most often prefer to hang out with me than anyone else! Like I said, I treat them as if they are mine... We have fun, but we also have rules!

Structure in a child's life is necessary.... I also feel that a child's life is easier when they are NOT put into a situation that they have to make their own decisions. Come on, their kids!

Answer 3

It's very tough to "shelter" ones children from things. You say they are 5 and 3? Then they are old enough, should they start trying to pick up on the way their cousins are behaving, for you to sit them down and explain that "we don't do those type things in our household". Let them know it's not acceptable behavior in your family rather than keeping them from "seeing it". While I can understand you not wanting them exposed to things that may be a bad influence, that's life. You can't protect or shelter them from everything, so teach them the best you can. That is what is going to stick with them.

Answer 4

I know its your job to shelter them, but to think that they will never be exposed to anything you dont want them to be is unrealistic, I hev three kids and I thought about it all,
I love them and want nothing but good, but reality dictates that I will disagree with what kind of expieriences they choose for themselves. You can not control everything, but you can control your reaction to situations. so maybe you should start by relaxing a bit, and know that in the end its gonna be okay, just do your best to keep the peace and keep a wearry eye on NOT just your kids but theirs too. Its your family, and instead of ignoring them and letting them go down the wrong path, you should help them get on the right one. Maybe suggest a bath for all the kids when you take yours a bath, and suggest food at the same time, and what kind, so that hopefully they dont get offended. thats my theory......

Answer 5

I'm with MC on this one. While you may have a moral family conscience about your children needing to spend time with their cousins if these are as you describe them then they're better off not being exposed to them. Family or not, you wouldn't expose your children to other kids like this who weren't family so what about the fact that their family makes it okay to expose them to this kind of discipline and upbringing? My opinion ... if I was you and this was my spouses family then I'd expect them to make it clear to their siblings exactly why you wouldn't be visiting.

Answer 6

You say calmly "These are the rules in our family, and they work for us" and stick to your guns. This may confuse your children while they are so young, but it is never too early to start teaching them that different families have different rules and standards, and that they are expected to take their cues from YOURS, not those of other families.

Answer 7

To protect your Kids, don;t go on vacation with them!! You won't have fun anyways.

Answer 8

Cancel the vacation with them. If they get mad, then so be it. They can get glad the same way they got mad.

Answer 9

If it is that bad.......don't go.....