she is out of work, when she did work she refused to pay rent. she is messy and expects me to clean up after her. she goes out all night drinking and drug using and sometimes i dont see her for days. when she does come home it is either to sleep all day, then get up, eat, shower and start all over again the same routine.
2006-06-18 01:48:52 · 14 answers · asked by topcat 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
sounds like she needs to be forced out into the real world. next time she leaves. pack her stuff. tell her your tired of it and she is an adult so , she can take care of her self. tell her she has one month to get a job and her own place. tell her you won't put up with caring for an overgrown teenager anymore.
2006-06-18 01:51:35 · answer #1 · answered by sarah 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very difficult to tell someone how to obtain courage.
Although you love your daughter, you're hurting her by allowing her to continue with adolescent behavior when she's an adult. The best thing you can do for her is give her a warning (maybe two), indicating that she has a certain amount of time to clean up her act, and if she doesn't, she'll have to leave the house. Then make good on it.
You have to reframe the situation in your mind. You have an adult in your house who's abusing you. Although you love her, she has no moral or legal right to treat you the way she is.
As the situation is now, she'll never improve, and her behavior will probably get worse. She needs to either change, or leave.
2006-06-18 08:53:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do for her is to pray for the courage to be her "mother" not her roomy. She does not have enough respect for you nor for herself at this point. She is abusing herself with drugs and alcohol but she is certainly abusing her position as a daughter. You must be sick with worry. I will pray for you and ask God to help you. You have to be firm when dealing with adult children and she is going to rebel even more as soon as she sees you are setting "boundries' and limitations. Give her a time to get a job/apartment/etc. and make it a firm date. If she refuses then you have no choice but to make her leave home. Have the courage to do this...one day she will reflect on this and she will thank you for being a strong mom. God bless,
2006-06-18 09:24:29 · answer #3 · answered by Nemrac 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that she'll grow out of it, with you being so concerned she'll continue living the life she does right now, try not to get angry when you see her and find a right time to sit and talk with her like a friend more than a mother...sometimes you have to talk to the door so that the walls can hear what you say? Indirectlly and make sure you don't sound like you are giving advises girls are sensitive in these ages and don't want anyone to tell them what to do and what not to do, I guess life will teach them and you as her mother have to try to understand her and find a way to be more of a friend to her than a grown up adult, I think.
2006-06-18 08:55:36 · answer #4 · answered by faranak 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need courage what you need is genuine love for her.
You are seeing her behavior as self destructive, so now its time to let her see that you refuse to enable it anymore and this is for her own good.
Tell her that you love her and that you can no longer be a part of helping her live this out of control irresponsible life style. Tell her the consequences of her actions include you no longer providing a free ride while she is choosing this life.
2006-06-18 08:52:47 · answer #5 · answered by yeller 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say this with sincerity, not acrimony. There are no bad kids in this world (I have two - 21, and 14, just fine), but there are a LOT of bad parents. Maybe she is being tough on you for all the mistakes you made? So, what are YOU going to change to help her get her life right?
2006-06-18 08:53:05 · answer #6 · answered by Superdog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For being out of work, she still finds a way to support her drug and drinking habits. Lay down the law to her. Tell her she supports her bad habits and she can find a way to support herself with her own roof over her head, utilities, groceries, etc. Nothing in life is for free and that includes housing unemployeed people at your house. This your house, your rules.
2006-06-18 09:41:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is too late for you to be her mother. After 22 years and this what you have then forget this rough love thing. What would you do if it was someone not your family living with you and being this way. Well that is how you have to look at it.
2006-06-18 09:41:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here you go.
Her name, heres the deal you are 22 you are an adult and it's time you started acting like one.
Pay $100 a week or move out.
Do not comprimise on the price. you will be supplying the food and she will be using the electric, gas, water, sewer, phone, cable TV, etc...
2006-06-18 09:33:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to realise yourself, that enough is definately enough. You are her parent yes, but you are not her cleaning lady. Nor her chef, nor her slave.
Tough love is hard, both on you and on her. But she is 22 now, and definately old enough to take care of herself.
Sit her down, and tell her it is time to move on, and that you will always be there for her, but you cant support her forever. She needs to move foward.
It is tough, but you will be so happy you did this when you start seeing results.
2006-06-18 08:56:26 · answer #10 · answered by Morgan B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋