does anyone have advice for me? I have a 13 year old daughter and a 15 year old son?

Question

I have a son who is 15..wow, they sure don't prepare you for this.
My son is a great kid, kind, caring, helpful, thoughful, and seems to want to look at naked women....toooo much, what can I, as a motheer say to him,if anything, about this. I found out he was looking at some pictures online...where do I get involved in this and WHAT do I say to him?

My daughter has a boyfriend against my wishes. but she claims to love him and he says the same thing..I want to keep her from seeing him outside of school..but found out he live in the development and that she tries to see him, then eventually confesses to me, because she feels bad that she doesnt tell me...my point to her is, if she feels so bad,then why does she still do it anyway. I believe her when she says she has not had sex, but scared that it might happen soon, if I do not stop this relationship soon enough. But have said all I can think of to stop her.What can I do?

Answer 1

wow......... several people here have shared wonderful and very positive advice. does my heart good to see the support and care.

consider this...... if you attempt to 'stop' either of your children, the psychology of the situation will be to drive them CLOSER to what you don't want. As difficult and troubling it will be to your soul to give them space, it really is the very best choice. At the ages your kids are, they really are making up their own mind, and the more you FORCE your will upon them, the more they will adamently rebel. I know, been there, done that, just don't have the tshirt.

As another posted, good values are, well, GOOD. Another idea is to share in things with your kids, just BE there for them, let them know you care and yet have the compassion to give them space. Knowing that you care and yet don't DOMINATE their lives will have them seeing you in a new light and even respecting you. But, that takes time to build up in their eyes. They have to know, from your actions, from your words that you are trustworthy and entitled to know about their activities.... that you won't TEAR them down, or belittle them for 'doing wrong'. They need to know you'll love and cherish them----even when they haven't done everythign as you would wish them too.

Further, it greatly helps to believe in your kids, to show them that THEIR values are important to you..... as by now, they'll CLEARLY know of yours.

give them the time and space to form their own opinons, yet love them all the more.

Good luck

Answer 2

Both cases can be solved with intervention. Hopefully you have instilled good values into them up to this point, and if you have it will be easier to show them what they are doing is wrong.

It will be easier with your son. If you are a Christian Family, then offer him the Every Young Mans Battle. The book covers sexual feelings, thoughts, desires, and such. It will point out why he needs to look the other way, perhaps better than a mother could describe.

While they also have a Every Young Woman's Battle, it seems that your daughter may need a little more than a book. Don't be surprised if this relationship hasn't gone further than you think. She needs to be talked to about everything from Birth Control to Sexually transmitted diseases (and don't be afraid to scare the crap out of her with either of these, as either could ruin her life at this age.) I would advise not yelling and screaming about them to her, but arrange a time to take her out to lunch or dinner for some Woman/Woman time and discuss this stuff. Hopefully you will be able to steer her in the right direction, or at least prevent an unwanted child or STD's.

Keep in mind, by stopping the relationship you may cause the sex to happen sooner than later. Rebellion causes people to make really poor choices for the reason of spite. While I wouldn't condone the relationship, perhaps you could set the times that he/she can visit (and make sure there is supervision close by). While it is unlikely, it isn't unheard of that people eventually marry their childhood sweeties.

I put a link to where you can find more information on the books I mentioned.

Answer 3

Relax, you can't be there all the time! I think 13 is way to young for dating. The more you try to stop it the harder she will push away. Try to get her more involved in some activities, maybe do something with her, scrap booking or something 1 - 2 days per week...You could also read Theology of the Body with her, by Pope John Paul, I did that with my girls!

Answer 4

it truly is tough to assert with out understanding the main significant factors of what is going on which contain your son. the shown fact that your son isn't doing nicely in college and is smoking and ingesting and conversing arrogantly to everybody tells me there is extra of a topic than in user-friendly terms a level. I had a sprint of those products from my daughter yet she constantly did nicely in college and and not in any respect have been given in any criminal hassle. My husband surpassed directly to the excellent beyond while she replace into 14 so I stayed the direction along with her. It wasn't effortless, yet she's 18 and making waiting for college so we've been given with the aid of it. it feels like your sons problems must be extra severe. the shown fact that he does not communicate on your husband tells me you probable do no longer do something at the same time as a family contributors. that's no longer sturdy. Your husband could ought to alter his track for awhile and attempt to appreciate a sprint extra with what's happening which contain your son. attempt doing some thing relaxing as a family contributors the place you do no longer ought to get into any heavy discussions. basically have some relaxing. you may ought to pull difficult love if he starts off spiriling out of control. it is going to likely be difficult, yet he basically could choose some heavy duty self-discipline. basically determine you permit him comprehend you adore him. as quickly as the regulation is in contact he HAS to maintain on with the regulations. My mom had to try this with my brother while he replace into 18. He became out ok. Teenage years are by making use of a few distance the toughest. no longer each and every person has an athlete youngster, valordictorian of the class, yet i even have faith there should be a sturdy, loving family contributors or individual in that youngster's life. If that weren't actual, why can we've some particularly effective people who had to overcome undesirable odds. that they had somebody who enjoyed, supported and inspired them. in case you won't be able to get your husband to appreciate and cooperate then you truly could have do it your self. overlook the spanking. in case you son has subjects, which will in user-friendly terms create extra rage and decrease his vanity that truly extra. There are extra clever procedures. they do no longer spank you interior the militia. They make you sparkling lavatories and the different grimy pastime and there is no way you're working away! and you get to maintain your vanity and experience much extra clever approximately your self once you're executed!

Answer 5

I think you should stop freaking out so much! It's normal for teenage boys to look at porn, and it is normal for teenage girls to having boyfriends! it's all a part of growing up! Just as long as you tell your daughter about how her virginity is important and that she wouldn't wanna lose it now. And as for your son looking at porn.. just leave him be! its normal.

Answer 6

i am a 15 year old girl, i know how it is, u should trust ur daughter.