does anyone like my poem?

Question

my personal demons

deep down inside me this a dark thing that wants to break free it has it grasp over
over me it makes me feel like life isnt worth it all like death is the way out i try
to fight it but its taking over its making me hurt my self and people around me
it wants blood it needs alife its go ing to be the end of me the end of my life i
could feel it i could feel its plan it plans to drive me crazy it plans to take me
over and destroy all that i have all that i love but i know how to end it hurting
other peole but the only way is having to end me its the only way to stop the pain
that it would make me cause

its the first poem i ever tried to wright

Answer 1

It's kinda dark, just the way I like it. Reminds me of that song by Metallica called "Untill it sleeps". Good work.


Where do I take this pain of mine
I run but it stays right by my side
So tear me open, pour me out
The things inside that scream and shout
And the pain still hates me, so hold me until it sleeps

Just like a curse, just like a stray
You feed it once and now it stays
How it stays

2-So tear me open, but beware
The things inside without a care
And the dirt still stains me
So wash me until I'm clean

1-It grips you solely, it stains you solely
It hates you solely, it holds you solely
Until it sleeps...

So tell me why you've choosen me
Don't want your grip, don't want your greed
Don't want it
Tear me open, make you gone, no more can you hurt anyone
And the fear still shakes me, so hold me until it sleeps
(repeat 1)

I don't want it...NO

(rpt 2)
Tear me open, make you gone
No longer will you hurt anyone
And the hate still shakes me, so hold me up
until it sleeps
Until it sleeps...

Answer 2

Look that not the easy way out, thats the punk way out, I know sometimes things can get a little ruff, but that how learn and grown from these things. This doesn't sound like a poem, its sounds like a suicide letter, and u want ppl to feel how u feel, but let them what u r goin to do to urself, b4 u do it, and that not fair to the ppl that really love and care 4 u. So u just tell the devil that u have someone thats more powerful then him and that he better leave u along, and gone about his business, because and nothing shakin around here. Just really pray on it and everything will be ok, its not that back , life is beautiful, and so is the world, its just the ppl in it like to mess it up.....My heart really goes out to you. You be good ok, plz dont do nothing, I dont even know u , but for me. Thankyou.

Answer 3

No, for the simple fact that it is a distress call from you.
Everyone has personal demons, and a lot of people have felt exactly the same way expressed in your poem. You are a very sensitive and emotional person lost in a world of uncertainty. The key is to learn how to control your personal demons before they control you. (l locked my personal demons up a long time ago--I keep a symbolic key on a chain--this way I keep control, and I can let them out anytime I want or need to) Keep writing poems, but try other subject matters.

Answer 4

Does anyone like my poem?

I don't like this attempt at poetry.

I feel concern for your expressed personal demons tormenting you.
It is very good to journal your thoughts and feelings to get them on paper and deal with them.
Get yourself out into the light!
Lay out in the back yard or sit on the porch or take a walk in the sun shine and get some vitamin "D".
We all have felt this way at one time or another, believe me, I did!
I fought my way through BIG Depression!
Reach out to God and sit and listen for an answer and write that down!
Read it back to yourself.
and...then try to write poetry again and read many kinds of poetry to get you out of this depression also!
Good poetry will lift your spirits!

Hugs,
Lil

Answer 5

No.it's not very good.The language is forced and stilted.The concept is far from original.Punctuation and spelling are poor.Adolescent angst is just NOT interesting.Overall sounds more like a tapeworm than the mystic twaddle you think it is.

Answer 6

Yo! Ho! u cood made it into a hot gansta like song wit lotsa nasty byotches poppin round the vid wit wet drippin hotniss and freekin freekiness everyfreekinwhere...

This culture is getting pathetic...

Answer 7

No. It's doggerel screaming out to be reconised as something different to what it is - very carefully organised angst. Go read Sylvia Plath.

Answer 8

I like it.

As I was reading it I had a rap beat in my head, so maybe you could give it to a rapper and turn it into a song.

Answer 9

u have 2 break it in2 proper sentences. do tht 1st

Answer 10

it's moving but you need help man