am i to blame?

Question

4 years ago i was on the outs with a guy i had dated for about a year. we decided to see other people. well there was this other guy named jason that worked with me and the whole office was like in love with him. well a girlfriend of mine told me told me that he wanted to ask me on a date. i figured what the heck. so within like 3 months we had gone out on a few days. he became like a big brother to my son who was like 2 at the time. i had explained to jason that i didnt want to jump in a relationship because i still wasnt over the guy i was with for a year. well it seemed like jason was starting to fall for me because he began telling me that he loved me so i thought that it wld be for the best to just be friends. i had tld him that it wld be alright for him to still see my son but he and i wld just stay friends. he got mad and called me terrible names and didnt speak to me for days. it was a friday and before i went to work jason called me to say sorry and asked if we cld meet

that night to tlk as friends. i didnt think there was any harm in that so i agreed. he did tell me before we got off the phone that he couldnt help it but he would always love me. well that night i picked my son up from the sitters and got home way too late. i figured since jason had to open the office so early the next morning that i wasnt gng to call him so i went to bed. the next morning work called me and tld me nt to drive and that jason had been in an accident and was in the hospital and probably wasnt gng to make it.i learned he was upset i didnt call and he wnt to the bar drank about 16 beers tld the bartender a girl broke his heart and left.he went through a guardrail and slid upsidedown and crashed into a tree in a covertible camero with no seatbelt. he was in a coma for 20 days and had a 1% chance to live and his whole family blamed me for it. i wasnt allowed to tell him good bye and when he finally passed i cldnt go to the funeral.i had to wait a month to go to his grave.

my son asked about him so much because he didnt understand death and i tld him jason went on a trip to see god on a plane. to this day my son sees a plane and waves and says that he will see him soon. its been yrs but i still have his boots,cookiedough he bought from girl acouts,a truck he bought for my son,i still miss him and i feel like i am a murderer. i miss him and i wonder if he has forgiven me and if i will see him some day. i never went to a grief counselor and i take a lot of medication for mental issue. sorry this is so long but i just wanted someones opinion. thank you.

Answer 1

No ur not to blame it takes time to heal from the pain that u have. If he cant understand that it takes time then maybe you should just tell him how u feel. I know that guys can get mad, but they have to understand that you have feeling to. Hopefully u can recover from the pain that you have for what he caused you. It takes time he had to undestand that. I hope I HAVE HELPED YOU.

Answer 2

Of course not. You did not force the alcohol down his throat and you did not put him the driver's seat of the car. He is responsible for his own decisions.

Adults make choices. We make choices about our actions and we make choices about how we react to the actions of others. He read more into the relationship than you did for a start. Would speaking to him on the phone have made any difference? He chose to react badly to you not calling, but he didn't bother to find out why you didn't call. You may have been caught up with your son for all he knew.

Answer 3

You shouldn't blame yourself for your friend's passing. Blame implies that you did something wrong. He made a lot of poor decisions which ultimately ended in tragedy but you weren't the cause. Like I said, I don't believe in fate. But if you string together enough bad decisions you are bound to find the inevitable outcome. His family would rather blame than accept the fact that there was nothing they could do. There was nothing anyone can do. It happened, it is very sad but we can either face the sadness or let it haunt us like a dementor.

Answer 4

I was impatient for a period of time. He may have forgotten that you have your own feelings about the "relationship" you have with him up to now. Give him another chance but be aware of any sign that he wants to have a exclusive commitment regardless of how you may feel about it. I tell every woman that has asked for advice about men that they should put their feelings aside long enough to examine their instinct.

Answer 5

I don't feel you're to blame...you were honest with him and it's tough to be honest and for people to handle honesty, but in the long run it's for the best. I commend you on being open with him and I hope he realizes it's for the best. Him getting mad was just a knee jerk reaction of being hurt.

Answer 6

Sorry to hear about your friend it's sadthat he passed a way!! but no! its not your fault you were honest with him and he was emotionally unstable you should feel sad about his untimely passing but you didnt pour the alchoal down his throat or drive his car unsafely he did!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

commitment scares anyone and everyone. Don't blame yourself, there is no time limit on when you are "ready".

Answer 8

we all make our own decisions ---you made yours and he made his---you are only responsible for your feelings---not his bad decision